Page 40 of Marlin's Faith

“I…”

“Don’t lie to me now, Baby Girl. You do, and it’ll be the last you see of me.”

“I was giving you an easy out.”

His brow furrowed down and he looked downright tempestuous, “It’s time you showed me a little trust, you explain to me what you mean by that. I think I’ve more than earned it at this point.”

I shoved away from him violently and he let me go this time, the tears rose hot and fierce and it all just boiled over.

“An easy out! Away from me! So you didn’t have to pretend anymore,” I raged.

“Pretend what?” he demanded.

“That youlikedme. I get it, Marlin. I do, okay? I’m a junkie fuckingwhore.Sold for a few bucks a fuck. I’m disgusting, okay?Okay?”

He stood there, stunned, mouth hanging open, and I drove the knife in the last few inches, “I’m just your project to ease your guilt over your brother! You can’t even stand totouchme!”

He put his hand over his mouth, like he was trying to stop himself from saying anything, but I could see the fractured ache in his bright blue eyes. He was stunned, speechless, and I felt hollow and empty. It had felt good to get it out, to get it off my chest but now I felt ugly and exposed. I was standing in front of him raw, and emotionally, as naked as the day I was born and waiting for him to finish what I’d started. I was waiting for him to tear me down the rest of the way.

He pulled his hand down, wiping his mouth, the stubble of the growth on his face rasping in the ringing silence left by my confession.

“Jesus-fucking-Christ, Baby Girl. Is that really what you think?” he asked and his voice was breathy and incredulous with stunned disbelief.

I nodded, mute and dismayed… I’d broken it between us; I could see it all over his face. There was no coming back from this, no way possible. It was all I was ever good at, breaking things. Breaking the people that I loved the most. Destroying them and how they viewed me until there just wasn’t anything left to care about with disappointment after disappointment.

“Stop,” he ordered sharply and I looked up. “Don’t do that, Faith. Stop it, you’re hurting yourself. Just, stop.”

He strode forward and pulled me against him, crushing me against his chest, his fingers tangled in my hair, holding it back from my face and he pressed his lips to my forehead. My eyes drifted shut and I let myself take it in, knowing it was likely the last time he would ever…

“I’ve been trying so hardnotto touch you when all I’ve wanted… Fuck. You have it all wrong, Baby Girl. You’re all I think about. You’re all I want. I just don’t think you’re ready for that, do you? I mean… Christ, I really fucked it up this time didn’t I?”

I laughed and felt as if I were going mad, I felt my arms go around him and I held just as tightly to him as he did to me. We stood there in silence while the tears stained his tee and the water lapped at the hull, the boat we were on bobbing around, voices filtered down to us and I sniffed, changing the subject.

“Where are we?”

Marlin sighed, “Don’t think this conversation is over, Baby Girl, but I gotta get back up there. We’re on my boat, the Scarlett Ann; I’ve got customers up on deck. Hope is on board too, I’ll have her bring you down the clothes she brought and when you’re ready, you can join us up on deck. Okay?”

I nodded against his chest, “I guess it has to be,” I said.

“That’s my girl.” He kissed my forehead one more time and let me go reluctantly.

“Stay here.”

He turned me loose back into the bedroom and went back out toward the living room. He left the door open behind him, which I was grateful for. I didn’t much like closed doors anymore. I went back up the steps and sat on the end of the bed, feeling lighter than I had in a long time, but at the same time, harboring that shadow of ugliness deep down inside. It was like I had purged and the foul little creature, the monster inside my head, needed time to recharge now.

I wondered if I would carry it forever. Probably, knowing my luck, which made me wonder,why in the world would Marlin want me?

I didn’t know. Maybe he wouldn’t now; we still needed to talk… I guess there wasn’t anything I could do about it one way or another. I would just have to wait and see.

21

Marlin…

“You’re up,” I said to Hope and she got up off the lounger on the bow of my boat.

“You look pissed,” she observed.

“Yeah, well, I honestly can’t really tell at this point.”

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