Page 43 of Marlin's Faith

We were pulling up to the dock, two of The Kraken’s men standing on it as we did. They looked nervous. Hope and I stood, my sister at the ready while I? I shaded my eyes from the bright Florida sun reflecting off of the boat’s sleek white walls and deck.

“Marlin!” one of them called as we got close, he was stocky and Hispanic, his name was on the tip of my tongue and had to do with a piece of equipment…

“Radar! What’s up, Buddy?”

“We need to talk, Man,” his tone sounded ominous and I found my hand reaching for Hope’s. Marlin eyed his brother in leather and nodded.

“Good deal, give us a hand and we’ll get to it.”

The other man on the dock I knew better. Nothing leapt aboard and nodded in our direction before he set to work helping the men with their gear. They’d taken a lot of pictures with their fish, but ultimately had thrown the catch back into the sea, tired and with a hole in its lip, but otherwise unharmed.

Radar and Marlin wandered up our way, speaking in low and insistent tones, just enough for Hope and I to hear, and the news wasn’t good.

“… was some kind of Senator’s kid or some shit. You beat the brakes off that fucker and he deserved it, for sure, unfortunately the cops are involved in this one and they can’t go away. You need to head out and take Faith with you. They ran her name and she’s got a warrant out for her arrest,” Radar was telling him. I felt myself pale.

“I do?” I asked quietly, “What for?”

“Jumping bond in NOLA. You never answered for your prostitution charge, which was a misdemeanor; the bail jump is a little more serious.”

Oh. Hope turned me to face her by my shoulders, “One thing at a time, Bubbles. You don’t get to panic, not yet.”

I nodded, but my eyes were affixed to Marlin, sorrow welling in the center of my being for having been sostupid.For having gotten him into trouble because I couldn’t hold my shit together. He stared back at me, his face unmoved, his expression shuttered and calculating, he ran his bottom lip between his teeth and eyed Radar.

“Captain’s orders?” he asked.

“Head out to the Locker, he’s stalling the local PD. He needs Hope here to plan but he figures a day, maybe two out there, long enough for the politician and his douchebag son to skip town and go back where they came from…” Marlin was nodding as he listened to Radar talk, and Johnny was on the dock smiling and sending off their fishing clients. Nothing was standing with Johnny and when the two men left, he and Johnny were exchanging words. It all blurred together making me a bit dizzy to think about.

How could I be sotoxic? I asked myself, sinking down to sit on the edge of the nearest lounger.

Hope was nodding, bags were being brought on board and my mind was whirling and spiraling uncontrollably.

What did I do, what did I do, what did I do…

“Faith…” I looked up sharply into Marlin’s face and he knelt down in front of me, he reached out and grazed a thumb through the tears I hadn’t even realized I’d started crying.

“We’ll get it sorted, just like Hope said.”

I nodded numbly and he stood, and my sister knelt down giving me a hug, “It’s not the end of the world, Bubbles. Just another bump in the road called life. We’ll handle it. You going to be okay?” I nodded bewildered and she hugged me again, I hugged her back and before I knew it, she was gone and the boat was moving; my sister on the dock with Radar watching us go.

I didn’t even knowwhereI was going. Shouldn’t I know that?

Shit.

What was wrong with me?

I was sick and tired of every little nuanced thing feeling like it had life or death consequences. It was like I was constantly living in that moment, the one where after you’ve tripped and you don’t know if you are going to catch yourself or not. It was like I was there, trapped in that small sliver of time where your heart is dropping and your chest is seized up and you justdon’t knowall day long. I seriously just wished it would stop, but I didn’t have a name for it, or any idea ofhowto make it stop.

Nothing sat down beside me and handed me a bottle of water, “Drink this then take this.” He dropped a little round yellow tablet into the palm of my hand.

“What is it?”

“A valium. It’ll stop the anxiety attack, and if it doesn’t, it’ll at least help slow it down. Maybe make you feel like you can at least breathe again.”

I blinked slowly, the little round pill taking up too much of my vision.

“Is that what this is?” I asked.

He nodded, and I looked him in the eyes, he flinched when our gazes met and I blinked, “How do you know?”

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