Page 51 of Marlin's Faith

He held my hand as we walked; that felt strange too, although it was a good strange. A warm, glowy sort of strange that I never wanted to end. He stopped about midway up the beach from the long line of houses and pulled me up short. I turned, and he was regarding me, a grave expression on his face.

“What?” I asked softly.

“I don’t want to lose you back down the rabbit hole of awful at this setback, Baby Girl. I like your smile and the laughing? Well, that’s good too.”

I smiled because of his words and it felt good. I wasn’t sure how to tell him what I was feeling but I owed it to him to try.

“I’m scared. I don’t want to go back there, and I don’t know…” I looked out over the water, the sun beginning it’s slow descent in the sky. We should still have some daylight when we made it back to the house. Hope and Cutter had taken our bags. Nothing had met them at the marina with his station wagon. He’d been perfectly willing to drive us, but I needed some time before going inside. I loved it out here in the sun and the warmth.

“Talk to me, Faith. Whatever you need to say, I’m here.”

I looked up at Marlin, “I’m afraid they’ll lock me up. Afraid that those men, that they’ll find out and come get me. I know that’s stupid…”

“Hush, ain’t nothing stupid about it. Shit happened, bad shit that I wouldn’t wish on anybody and you’re perfectly justified feelin’ the way you do. There’s a difference though; I’m gonna be there. Hope’s gonna be there. The Captain, the rest of the crew; we’re all going to be there and you ain’t alone. Ain’t none of us going to let you go or lose you without one hell of a fight, Baby Girl.”

“Why?” I asked him, because I seriously couldn’t fathom what he was telling me. I mean, I hadn’t exactly gone out of my way the last few months or so to connect with any of his other brothers. When they talked to me, I usually smiled as politely as I could and tried to get the small talk over with as quickly as possible.

“I’m not sure you understand what being my woman means to men like us,” he said gently, cupping the side of my face. His thumb grazed lightly over my bottom lip and I resisted the urge to flick out my tongue and taste him. Instead I closed my eyes and enjoyed the simple touch.

“I don’t, I guess… I mean, not really.” I wasn’t entirely comfortable with the possessiveness of how he said it and having just made the promise to communicate better, I said so.

Marlin laughed gently, “It’s true, I’ll give you that. We talk like a bunch of barbarian hill men, but really, it’s just us breaking something very complex into terms that any fuckin’ idiot can understand.”

“Okay, can you dumb it down even more for me then?”

“Nope, don’t have to. You’re not an idiot, Faith. I’ll just give it to you straight,” he put us back in motion, walking gently, and slowly beside me, his arm curving around my shoulders, protectively tucking me into his side.

“Okay,” I agreed, “I’d like that. Give it to me straight.”

“Not sure where to start, so how about you ask me somethin’ to get us going.”

“I can ask anything, and you’ll tell me, just like that?”

“I promised you I would, didn’t I?”

He had. He’d promised to stop wrapping me in imaginary cellophane. That he would stop shelving me when it came to decisions that regarded me and I was so incredibly grateful for that. So incredibly tired of the lot of them talking about me and what to do about this or that when I was standing right there.

“Gonna ask me something or what?” he said, snapping me out of my own thoughts. I felt my cheeks flush and laughed nervously.

“Sorry, a lot to think about, um, I guess my first question is, why would the rest of the guys do anything for me? I mean, I haven’t exactly been outgoing or even nice in some cases.”

“I told you, because you’re my woman.”

“Okay, and what doesthatmean, exactly? Like, I’m your girlfriend?”

“To the bunch of civilians here around town, yeah. But they don’t have any appreciation for what that means to us. Faith, I know this is a lot, but from the minute I picked you up I felt somethin’ for you and those feelings, they’ve just been getting stronger. Now I didn’t mean to put any kind of pressure on you, sayin’ what I said back at the Locker this morning…”

“That you loved me?” I asked so softly I was afraid he didn’t hear it. My heart sank, and I stuttered to a stop in my tracks. He looked at me and this odd, sad little smile took up half of his generous lips. Of course he hadn’t meant it; it was just a thing to say in the heat of the moment. I looked away, out over the water but he touched my face and brought me back around to look at him.

“No, don’t do that…” he uttered.

“Do what?”

“Make up your mind what I did or did’nt mean, what I did or didn’t say for whatever reasons in your head and accept them for truth. There’s only one person who decides my truth and that’s me. That’s the heart of livin’ the life in an MC.”

I searched his face, and took a deep breath, holding it, dreading the answer, I asked the question, “Then tell me your truth, did you mean it?”

“I love you, Faith. I have for more ’n a minute. I realized it when you told me that doctor lady said you shouldn’t see me no more. It’s the only explanation I had for why it tore me up so bad on the inside.”

---