Page 53 of Marlin's Faith

“So what goes there?” I asked.

“Nothing, it’s usually just left empty.”

I made a face, “Well that’s boring! You should really consider putting a flower or something pretty there. You know, for the girly girls.”

“Baby, we’re bikers, it wouldn’t look all that badass and besides that, we don’t usually attract girly girls and when we do, they ain’t much for staying.”

I thought about that and nodded, we were probably a good ten or so houses away from Cutter’s by now and I sighed inwardly. It was still hard being around a lot of people for me. One or two was about my limit for comfort. I looked down at my hand, fingers linked with Marlin’s. Maybe things were different now, though. I mean, I wasn’t exactly single, now was I?

I thought about things hard while Marlin idly swung our linked hands between us and came to a decision.

“I’ll wear it, if you want me to,” I said softly.

“My cut?” he asked like he almost didn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Yes.”

“Property patches and all?”

“I’m yours, aren’t I?” I asked.

“As long as you want to be, Baby Girl, and not a moment more. You tell me to fuck off, that’s what I’ll do.”

I stopped in my tracks, the back stone deck, of Cutter’s house was visible and there were a bunch of The Kraken on it. Some were looking our way, most had a beer or a joint in their hand. The movable metal fire pit had a cheery fire started in it and I realized it was growing dimmer out here.

“I don’t want you to go, Marlin. I can’t think of anyplace I would rather be than with you.” I looked up at him and his mouth came down on mine, urgent and passionate and I returned the kiss gladly, feeling lighter than I could ever remember.

Cheers, whistles and howls went up before Cutter’s voice raised, “Knock it off you fuckin’ animals!” he called and there was laughter, but not at me and I couldn’t care.

“I love you,” he repeated against my mouth but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Not yet, because I couldn’t help but feel like in some ways I was using him and that wasn’t love, or right at all. At least not according to the way my sister had raised me.

I shoved that unpleasant mix of feelings aside, tucking myself into Marlin’s side as we walked up the beach, towards the house and his brothers, at least in arms, or leather, or whatever. Vowing silently that I would talk with him about that soon, before he could start to worry that everything was totally one sided. I’d sworn to him that I would talk to him; that I would communicate. I trusted him at his word that he would be the calm and rational person he’d displayed thus far and that if he weren’t; because no one was perfect, that nothing would be beyond our fixing because everything he had had me agree to, had sounded so perfectly reasonable.

I huddled into his side, shyly and we moved among the rest of the guys, each of them smiling, and telling me they were glad I was okay. Some simply smiling bigger and giving me a wink. All of them warm and all of them putting me further at ease. Displaying everything that Marlin had told me. It put me at ease, knowing that this might really be for real and not too good to be true like so many other things I’d encountered in my life.

It was probably the first night I had spent among them where I truly felt at peace, despite knowing that it would all be shaken up with the long ride back to Louisiana that was supposed to happen the next day.

27

Marlin…

I held Faith close in the dark, and l knew she was awake. She was thinking so loud I could almost hear it and had been at it, staring at the rain pattering against the glass, the blue flashes of light from thundershower illuminating those glittering gems of her eyes. The party had wrapped up pretty quick when the rain had started coming down. The bikes had all been moved, parked in the stone garage on the other side of the house in anticipation of the rain before it’d come, so the guys had all just come in and bunked down where they could. My bike had apparently been brought in the crash truck. Johnny had used my spare set of keys for Cutter and my brothers to get into my garage back at the marina. Sometimes Johnny had some actual fuckin’ sense going on that didn’t revolve around just him. Who knew?

“What are you thinking about so hard, Baby Girl?” I’d asked, and she shook as if waking from a dream.

“I feel a lot of things… I’m still trying to sort everything out and I feel almost guilty that I haven’t said ‘I love you too.’”

“I don’t expect you would, or even that you do, and that’s okay.”

“It’s not, though. I mean, I feelsafewith you, I feelrelievedandprotectedandgoodwhen I‘m with you… but does that all equal love, or does it equal ‘I’m using you?’”

God, it made me smile to hear all that; it really did, despite her second guessing last remark.

“So what if you are, Faith? Would it make you feel better if I told you that I’m perfectly okay with you using me if it makes you feel safe, relieved, protected, and good? As far as I’m concerned you just told me that you feelloved,and that’s been my goal for something like the last month.”

“But that’s not fair to you,” she tried to protest.

“Is so, so don’t sweat it.”

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