Page 65 of Marlin's Faith

“Oh, okay.”

He told me if I went walking and found some men, to let them know I was there. He also told me to stick to the middle of the rows like I’d done, and to steer clear if I heard or saw any machinery operating and to watch and listen for yellow jackets. They liked the fallen fruit from the trees and could be aggressive; he didn’t want me to get stung. He told me that I was free to go wherever I’d like and he pointed out where the groves gave way to a pond and a swimming hole, but warned me to look out for alligators. I didn’t imagine I would see myself swimming afterthatbit of knowledge.

We were silent for a long time, and I finished my sandwich and half the bottle of water. Bobby wandered over to one of the trees and reached up into the greenery, “Ever had an orange fresh off the tree?” he asked. I shook my head and he pulled, the branch bowed for a second and snapped back up into place, the leaves rustling. He held a bright orange globe of fruit in his big hands and briskly, started to peel it. Citrus kissed the air and I breathed deep, the bright scent.

“Nothing like it really,” he said and broke the fruit in half, handing me some of the smiles.

I peeled one off and ate it, the juice bursting in my mouth, cleansing my palate from the residual sandwich flavors. It was good. Probably the best orange I had ever tasted and I smiled, laughing a little. Bobby smiled, but soon the smile slipped and I sobered.

“Tell me something, Faith.”

“Yes?”

“How do you feel about my friend, Jimmy?”

I eyed him carefully, and he eyed me back just as hard… considering.

“I, I care about him very much.”

He nodded carefully, “But?” he asked.

“But he deserves to be happy, and I don’t think I can possibly do that for him.”

“Why would you say a thing like that?”

“He’s told you, I’m sure.”

“Yeah, but I want to hear it from you.”

I put another bite of orange in my mouth instead, and chewed thoughtfully.

“What difference does that make?” I asked.

“You talk about it with anyone?”

“My doctor, and Marlin… sometimes.”

Bobby nodded, “Don’t trust me yet. I get you, that’s okay,” he was nodding but he wasn’t looking at me, when he did, he pinned me with his hazel eyes. I swallowed hard and felt like my throat was going to close up with fear.

“Never seen Jimmy look at any girl like he does you. Never had him ask me to take care of one like his life depended on it neither. He’s got it bad for you, Faith, and he’s been my best friend since ever. Do me a favor and don’t rip out his heart.”

“I don’t want that,” I said, genuinely distressed by his words.

“No, I don’t figure you do,” he replied softly. He handed me a paper towel and I wiped off my hands, the juice from the orange making them sticky. “Do me another favor?” he asked.

“What?”

“Don’t sell yourself short, neither. You seem like a nice girl and I get that bad shit happened to you, some really bad shit, but don’t let it define you. Only you get to do that. Love yourself, then love my boy back. You get me?”

“I don’t think I do,” I told him.

“Hey, Bobby!” We both turned our heads at the shout of one of his workers; he was tromping through the aisle of trees in our direction from the front of the truck.

“You think about it, Darlin’. If you still don’t get it in a day or so, we’ll talk again. In the meantime I gotta deal with this,” he helped me down to the ground. “Wander where you’d like, just remember to be safe.” He gave me a wink and walked down the aisle a ways to speak to the approaching man. I stared after them for a moment but I knew when I’d been dismissed. Hard not to know after living with Hope, the mistress of dismissals.

I wandered among the trees, up and down the aisles and thought hard about what Bobby had said to me. It was clear he cared a great deal about Marlin, which I could understand completely. Marlin made it so very easy to love him, but that still didn’t mean I was good for him. Not with everything wrong with me, that would be wrong with me for a long time to come.

I sighed out, I think I knew what Bobby meant by loving myself, Iwashard on myself but it was hard not to be. I felt like a curse, like a blight upon the lives of the people closest to me, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it. I also couldn’t decide if that were incredibly brave or an act of complete cowardice. Everything about me felt so upside down and inside out and I didn’t know what I could do to straighten my ass out.

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