Page 8 of Marlin's Faith

Hope sighed and squeezed my fingers with her good hand, “Faith, will you let me find somebody to help you, Sis?” she asked quietly and I dragged my attention back to my sister. I bit my lips together.

“What, like therapy?” I asked. I knew that’s what she meant, and I couldn’t fool myself, even if I wanted to, let alone anyone else. I needed help. I didn’t even know how to crawl up and over thismountainof issues on my own; I couldn’t even begin to figure out how to deal with this. Any of this. I closed my eyes and let the despair of my situation wash over me.

“Yeah, Bubbles. There’s a woman about an hour away. She specializes in this kind of thing… if I made an appointment would you talk to her?”

I sniffed back tears, Marlin’s presence beside me lending me strength to face this, my sister’s hands in mine…

“I can’t afford to pay – “ I cut myself off abruptly, “I mean, you, I…” I would need to find a job; I didn’t even know how much money I had left, if any. Was I even still legally alive? Don’t they declare missing people dead after a time? Anxiety and panic trilled up and down my spine, crushing the center of my chest in its fist and rattled me back and forth. I felt like I was drowning, like the house was closing in and swallowing me up, but as ever, Marlin’s voice chased back the dark, which was warring to crush me between its gnarled hands.

“Easy, Baby Girl, deep breaths, just breathe…” it was the mantra that had pulled me from the deepest, darkest, despair of my sickness. The sickness those evil bastards had shoved into my veins, and fogged my brain with. I squeezed my sister’s hand and resisted the urge I always had when he spoke to me this way. The urge to crawl into his lap. To huddle against his chest and hide from the world like a frightened child. After all, he didn’t want to touch me. I was an unclean thing. Every time he did, he would startle and jerk his hands back as if he’d been burned, or like I was diseased and he would catch it. Which who knew? Maybe I was.

Maybe the test results the doctor had called with were all lies and I had something horrible and incurable and I would die from it… Sometimes I wanted that. To die. Then I would see the fierce look in Marlin’s eyes, I would think of Hope’s disappointment and Charity’s heartbreak and those thoughts would be chased back into the dark for the time being.

God, these thoughts… I knew I needed help. I knew I needed to talk to someone about these things. Someone who I wouldn’t hurt with the telling, someone not my sisters… Marlin ducked and captured my gaze with his, determination radiating out from his summer sky eyes.

“Will you take me?” I asked, before I could stop myself.

“Absolutely, Darlin’,” and I could hear the solemn vow in his tone.

“I’ll make the appointment, Bubbles, don’t worry about anything for now. Okay?” Hope searched my face and where I’d been blind, I swore I could see now.

“You really worried about me didn’t you?” Guilt spiraled out of the sky and crushed me beneath its weight.

“Never stopped looking,” she said, eyes welling.

“Why!? I always thought I was a pain in your ass!” I didn’t understand, all the fighting and disagreeing and her riding my ass…

“Of course you’re a pain in my ass!” She pulled me into her arms, “You’re my little sister, you’re meant to be a pain in my ass. Doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop loving you, Faith. Doesn’t mean I would ever stop trying to find you. You’re my blood, you and Char are my reasons for being. I love you guys. I will always love you guys.”

I reached for my sister and we hugged and cried some more. Marlin stayed nearby, and eventually, quietly, disappeared into the kitchen right around the corner to fix a meal. My body still wasn’t fully cooperating. I felt run down, fatigued, hollow and empty. The bathroom was still where I found myself spending the majority of my time, with the bedroom and bed a close second.

We ate, quietly, and I disappeared into the bathroom swiftly, though it was becoming less awful and less frequent. Although the less awful partcouldbe because I was growing used to it. That was a depressing thought.

Twilight deepened into night and a knock fell on the big house’s front door. Marlin went to get it, and the man from the house in New Orleans, the one who’d been yelling, followed Marlin back to where Hope and I were sitting together. I frowned. I remembered more of him now. I remembered… I closed my eyes and tried to grasp it.

“You okay, Firefly?” his voice was rich and familiar and I placed it, what he called me.

“We’ve talked before, here in this room, right?” I asked softly.

“Yeah, we did.” He nodded and everything rushed back to me, like a rogue wave coming further up the beach than expected. I couldn’t place his name, or who he was, I just remembered that he was somehow important. Important to Marlin.

“Faith?” Hope asked; voice tinged with alarm.

“It’s hard to remember things. I remember him at the house, back in New Orleans. I remember him yelling, right before Marlin came, and I remember we talked here… but I can’t remember your name. I’m sorry.”

The man smiled kindly and put his hands over the back of the couch, letting them fall in a familiar touch to my sister’s shoulders, kneading them gently. Her posture which had been stiff, eased under the gentle prying of his fingers and it looked like it felt really good. Soothing.

“Name’s Cutter, I’m the President, or as we call it, Captain, of The Kraken motorcycle club. This is my house, Honey, and you’re welcome to stay here as long as you need to.” He fell silent and his warm brown eyes roved me over, taking me in. I shifted a bit uncomfortably under the scrutiny, it was almost an echo of the way the men who, well…paid for me, looked at me when they were choosing between girls.

“Feel like you’re gettin’ better? In a physical sense, I mean.” I jumped, his voice wasn’t loud, just unexpected in the creeping silence.

I nodded and tried a tremulous smile, “Yes, thank you for letting me stay here.” I twisted in my seat, “And thank you for taking care of me.” I directed the last at Marlin who was leaning a shoulder against the wall, arms crossed over his muscular chest. He wore faded jeans today, and scuffed motorcycle boots, which he had crossed at the ankle on the gleaming hardwood floors. He nodded, carefully, a tension around his summer sky blue eyes. I swallowed hard, a bit nervously.

“Well, I just came by to pick Hope up, we’re headed back to the Mysteria Avenge; you need anything from the Scarlett Ann?” I twisted back, but Cutter was looking over my head at Marlin.

“No thanks, Cap. I’m good.”

“You want me to come over tomorrow?” Hope asked, her brow was furrowed and she shook my hands gently back and forth in her own. I nodded and my sister smiled. She used her free hand to push my hair back from my face and behind my ear, like she’d done when I was a child. The memory of such a long ago and innocent time made my eyes water.

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