Page 9 of Marlin's Faith

“You want me to stay tonight?” she asked, and I took a deep breath and held it, I did. I really did, but I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. I didn’t want to be a weight on my sister’s shoulders, so I shook my head.

She leaned across our laps and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and sighed and she got up, and let Cutter guide her around the end of the couch.

“You need anything, anything at all, you call me. Okay? Marlin has the number.”

“Yes, Mom.” I cracked weakly and rolled my eyes slightly. My sister stilled and roved my face with an unreadable look.

“I love you, Bubbles,” she said finally.

“I love you, too, Buttercup.” I sniffed and gave her the best smile I could and her expression swirled with something akin to pity. It was okay though, I mean, Iwaspretty pitiful at this point.

“You’re gonna be okay, Firefly.” Cutter’s tone was judicious and he nodded once. Marlin saw them out, letting out a hard, long sigh the moment the door was shut tight behind them. Guilt twisted the center of my chest into a knot, so hard I placed my hand over my breast. Marlin’s broad back was to me, his head hanging low, bowed with exhaustion. He paused for a long moment before his hand slipped from the door handle with a slight rattle. He turned in my direction and searched my face from across the room.

“Aren’t you going to lock it?” I asked nervously.

“Anybody tried to come up in here, they’d have a real bad night, Darlin’. You’re safe with me, but if it makes you feel better…” he reached back and flipped the deadbolt into the locked position for my benefit. It felt strange to be on this side of a locked door after so long.

“Thank you,” I uttered.

“No problem.”

A vast silence filled the room between us, as if time were suspended and all that was and had been, hung between us. I bit down on my lower lip and felt a rush of shame heat my cheeks. This man had silently and stoically endured the worst parts of me and it was as if I were finally awake and all of the embarrassment and humiliation had piled up and waited patiently for it to be so, before they made their presence known.

“Hey, stop. Don’t do that,” his tone was hasty but gentle, “There’s no shame here. No shame for any of it. It wasn’t you, Baby Girl. It wasdone to you… there’s a big difference there, Sweetheart. Huge. Okay? I knew what I was getting into. I committed. Don’t forget, I’ve seen it all before, I’ve done it all before…” he stopped talking, searching my face as I searched his, sighing he gave a shrug, “Truthfully, watching you come down off that shit was one of the bravest, most inspiring things I’ve ever seen.”

I blinked, bewildered, my voice hollow as it emanated from my mouth, “I don’t understand.”

I’d dropped my eyes to my hands, folded in my lap; to the boy’s wristband and the silver metal plate and old fashioned keyhole set into it. The boy had been incredibly sweet. Incredibly kind. Like Marlin, certainly, but…

The scrape and swish of denim was incredibly loud. The thunk of his boot heels on the hardwood dull, as he moved from the front door and came around to sit on the couch. He put distance between us and my heart cracked further under the weight of my stigma.Druggie whore…

“You were hurtin’ bad up there,” he said gently, by way of explanation. “Thing I remember most about when my brother went through it was him beggin’ me to kill him. He was hurtin’ so fucking bad – “

He stopped abruptly and stared sightlessly at the huge, dark, flat screen TV against the wall opposite us for a long time. “Ain’t never told anyone about this,” he confessed, returning his gaze to my face which I felt was set in solemn lines.

“You don’t have to…”

“Psht! Yes I do. You need to understand. What you went through, up there,” he pointed to the stairs, “Was fuckin’ awful, Girl.” He dropped his strong arm to the back of the couch and let it lie there casually as he continued, “It was fuckin awful, and you handled it. You handled it better than a grown ass man. Danny begged me to kill him. He begged me six ways to Sunday to put him out of his misery. All he could talk about was how much he wanted to die but you…” he sighed out harshly and looked at the ceiling and shook his head.

“All you could talk about was how much you wanted to live, and that’s sayin’ somethin’.”

I went back to staring at my clasped hands in my lap for a long time and closed my eyes, sighing out; my shoulders dropping. I didn’t feel brave or strong. I didn’t feel like I’d done anything particularly impressive.

“I just want to pull you into my manly bosom and just hold you for a while, damn.”

I startled and blinked, looking up at Marlin sharply. A halfhearted smile played on his full lips, framed by his golden goatee and it called up a tremulous answering smile of my own. His smile grew with mine and I was struck by how extremely grateful I was that he was here, and again that feeling of safety overtook me even as his words registered and I found myself laughing softly.

“Manly bosom?” I asked and his eyes sparkled with barely suppressed laughter of his own.

He flexed and it was an impressive display, “Come on now, I work hard for this.”

I laughed outright then, and it felt incredibly good. Marlin smiled, seemingly satisfied and winked at me.

For a glimmer of an instant… I felt almost normal.

7

Marlin…

---