Page 64 of Cutter's Hope

“Marlin here is confident he can get her physically better, I pulled another favor with the SHMC up North, got one of their members, a bona fide doctor coming down to check her out. Bloodwork, and the more unpleasant things that go along with this kind of thing.”

I nodded wearily and Marlin and Cutter exchanged a look, a look I didn’t like, “What was that look for?” I asked, immediately on the defensive.

“Now, just hear us out,” Cutter said softly. I gritted my teeth and nodded slowly. I mean fuck, hadn’t these guys earned at least that much?

“I want to help your sister, I have some experience with this kind of thing, I can get her clean. Now I gotta ask, have you ever been with a junky kicking dope before?” Marlin was giving me a rather intense once over. I shook my head.

“First week is going to be hell on earth, for her but also for me as she goes through the physical symptoms of withdrawal. I’m talking vomiting, diarrhea, excruciating pain, begging, pleading… it’s not pretty Hope.”

I swallowed and nodded, but I couldn’t look at either of them, “What do you need me to do?” I asked.

“That’s just it, I need you to do nothing,” he said and he fixed me with an intense look.

“Wait, what?” I frowned.

“I need you to go upstairs, kiss your sister and go with Cutter and stay the fuck out of this house for a week, you get me?”

“Oh no, I can’t do that.” I was shaking my head emphatically and Marlin crossed his arms.

“I mean it, I need you to trust me on this, the first week or two is the worst, the physical withdrawal is… well it’s something you don’t need to see. Your sister is going to be a complete basket case. She’s going to be going through shit you can’t possibly imagine and you don’t need to be here for it. She isn’t going to want you to be here for it. Trust me.”

I was shaking my head softly back and forth. I wanted to reject everything he was saying. I wanted to be here for my little sister like I always had been. I swallowed hard, eyes welling.

I would fight him on this. I would, but then Cutter’s voice cut through my unreasonableness, “Why haven’t you called your littlest one?” he asked, and I jolted.

“Because she doesn’t need to be here for this part,” I said and Cutter came to stand right in front of me, he put his hands on my shoulders and I looked up into his sorrowful face.

“Neither do you, Sweetheart. We’ve helped you this far, Baby. I know you’re tired and I’m telling you, your sister may hate you for a minute for you not being right physically there but I promise, she’s gonna be glad you weren’t when it’s all over.

“Shouldn’t this be up to her?” I asked softly. I was seriously torn by now and Marlin sighed.

“Right now she is craving that shit with every fiber of her being. She wants it so bad, just to make the pain stop that she’d do anything for it. Pretty soon she’ll come to the realization that she ain’t got no way to get it, then the real begging is gonna start. The kind where she starts begging you to kill her. Trust me, Hope. We’ve all seen the lengths you’re willing to go to for your family. It’s part of why we like you so much. We’re glad you’re with the Captain here, butyou’re with the Captain now.Which means you’re one of us and you’re our family now, too. You ain’t gotta carry this alone. Let us help you.”

It was a moving speech, it really was but… “Faith is my sister, she’s not a burden, she never has been, but she is my responsibility – “Cutter cut me off.

“Babe, you aren’t listening to Marlin here, she’sourresponsibility. You only thought you were joking when you cracked that you’d been adopted,” he shook his head, “You have, you really have, you’re mine, Hope; and I’m tellin’ you, you ain’t gotta do it all by yourself.”

“Is it really going to be that bad?” We whirled and there was Faith, leaning hard against the wall where the kitchen started.

“Not gonna lie to you, Baby Girl, it’s gonna be that bad and worse…” Marlin said and his tone more than anything put me at ease. It was low and soothing but more than that, when he spoke to my little sister it was deferential.

Faith got teary, dashing at the moisture on her lashline with her fingers like she used to when she was little and had scraped her knee and my fucking heart broke all over again.

“It’s up to you, Peanut,” I said and sniffed myself, “I went through Hell in gasoline boots to find you, I never gave up and I’m not giving up now. It really is up to you. I’ll do whatever you want.”

My sister pursed her lips and looked like she was having a hell of a time deciding, she was lucid for the time being but who knew how long that would last?

“Does Char know you found me yet?” she asked finally.

“Not yet, Babe, I gotta call her.”

“Don’t. I don’t want her to see me like this, I don’t wantyouto see me like this… Let me get better first, please?”

I cracked, little pieces of me tinkling to the floor and the tears ran free. I nodded and it killed me, letting her go. Letting her be all grown up.

“I’m not going anywhere, this is a small town, Faith. You change your mind, you need me, you tell Marlin and I’ll be here. You understand me?” She nodded a bit too rapidly and came to me then, we hugged each other fiercely and cried.

“About two weeks,” Marlin said, “For the absolute worst of it, one but two if you want to be out of feeling physically crappy… the emotional part takes a lot longer. A month, month and a half… although you got a lot more going on than just addiction issues on that front.” Marlin didn’t sound happy at all to be delivering the tough news but I appreciated him for it. So did Faith, I think. She pulled back and nodded.

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