Page 36 of Bourbon & Blood

“I know I can,” he said, and it was flat, deadpan, and completely certain.

“Do you already know where she is?” I asked curiously, having thought before that could be the case, but wanting to press it, to make absolutely sure before I fell for some kind of a trick or something. He stopped and I stopped to, turning to face him.

“I don’t know where your friend is. No bullshit. You want me to find her, I’ll find her… or I’ll at least find out what happened to her if it comes to that. I wasn’t lying when I named my price, either – no matter the outcome.”

I swallowed hard and said, “You mean, like, sex?”

“No, not just sex,” he answered. “I wantyou.”

“I don’t think I get it,” I said. “Like, what? You want me to be your girlfriend?”

He nodded.

“I want to spend time with you. Learn about you. I want you to be with me. Go for rides, and yes – I want us to fuck,” he clarified.

I think my face went beet red, and I was grateful for the cover of darkness and the splash of neon lights, hoping it would disguise my discomfort.

“I’m not a whore,” I said, and it came out sharp. At the same time, I immediately felt guilty for saying it like that. I mean, I wouldneverjudge Maya for her decisions but me? I wasn’t, I couldn’t…God,I resisted the urge to hide my face behind my hands.

What was even happening, right now?

“I never said that,” he answered without hesitation.

“But you want me to pay you for your services with sex,” I pointed out.

“Yes,” he answered evenly. “But it’s not likethat,” he added.

“But doesn’t that, by definition, make me some kind of a whore?” I asked.

He touched my shoulder, gripped it firmly, but not painfully, and I jerked my eyes up to meet his.

“It’s not going to be like that,” he insisted and he was dead serious.

“I mean, it sounds like it’s going to be exactly like that,” I said incredulously. His lips twitched in a slightly victorious little smile before he could look away and sigh.

He shook his head.

“It’s not,” he insisted.

He was completely mollifying, and we were just going back and forth at this point in a weird little deadlock. I raked my bottom lip between my teeth, thinking.

“I won’t hear you talk about yourself like that,” he said, finally, his voice gentle. “We clear?” He dropped his hand from my shoulder and I swallowed hard and nodded mutely, not trusting myself to speak. I mean... Shit. He just sounded like Maya just then. Like something she would say to me when I was being down on myself because of how I was raised. I swallowed hard, the tears threatening at the corners of my eyes.

I turned back up the sidewalk, and we continued walking in silence for a time.

“When can you start?” I asked softly, my mind stolidly made up, and he stopped and looked at me.

“You saying you agree? Because there ain’t no you gettin’ cold feet after I start,” he said.

“No – no, I’m not,” I said. “I mean, I understand.”

“You’re sure?” he asked, and I nodded.

“I have to find her,” I said and didn’t even bother to hide the desperation in my voice.

“You agree to the terms?” he asked again. “I look for your friend, and you agree to be mine – no matter what the outcome?”

“If you look for my friend, and you don’t stop until you find her or what happened to her, then I’ll be yours,” I said, affirming things for him. “Starting now,” I added, which is what he sounded like he wanted to hear.

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