Page 78 of Whiskey Shivers

“Shhh,” I soothed a minute later, when the sobbing had subsided and the faucet turned off and settled into a drip of just the odd sniffle or so.

“Just talk to me, baby. When you’re ready and not a moment before, okay?”

She sniffed and huddled into me. “I’m okay. I’m okay now,” she said, and I leaned back just enough to take in her red-rimmed eyes and beautifully blotchy face. I know it was called ugly crying but Corliss Legare couldn’t do ugly even if she fuckin’ tried. It just didn’t matter; she was always crazy beautiful to me.

“Do you know what that was all about?” I asked gently, and she shook her head, mute, swallowing so hard her throat nearly clicked.

“Okay,” I said calmly and with all the patience I knew she needed. “What happened, can you describe it?”

She sniffed. “I came, and everything just felt…” she swallowed, her voice trembling a bit as she said, “everything just felt so good, and I remember thinking to myself just how much I love you and it was like it hit me just here,” she put a hand over her heart in the center of her chest, “this sense of incredible, I don’t know… of, of, ofloss. It was crazy! Just out of nowhere, it was like I couldfeelevery single little grain of sand trickling through the hourglass and I just… I felt like our time was just so insanely, crazily, limited and that at any moment you were going to wake up and look at me, and…” her voice cracked and she started to cry again and I shook my head. She didn’t need to say it out loud. I knew what it was…and it would be over.

“Easy, baby. Deep breaths, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

I held her tight and she clung to me, and my own mind chased itself into some serious damn circles trying like hell to figure out where this panic attack was coming from and if I had given heranyindication that I didn’t love her like anything less than my moon and my fuckin’ stars… and the answer to me was honestly clear as day.

“This don’t have nothin’ to do with me, and I know that, so don’t you be afraid of hurtin’ my feelings none,” I told her, smoothing her hair gently with my hand. “You just speak your heart and speak your mind and I reckon we’ll sort some of this out somehow, yeah?”

She sniffed and nodded mutely and I had to smile some. “An’ if you don’t want to talk about it, well I reckon that’s fine too.”

She sniffed and rubbed her nose with the back of her hand and looked up at me.

“Everyone I’ve ever known has left me,” she said. “Left me and didn’t want me… I guess… I guess I got so used to it, I convinced myself that I didn’t need anybody and that I was okay by myself but something about you… about what we just shared? The thought of losing you, of you just someday walking away? I… I… I lost it. It hurts more than anything I—”

I pressed her face into the crook of my neck and wrapped my arms around her so tight and swore with every bit of myself, “Never gonna happen, baby. Okay? Better or worse, sicker or poorer, hell or high water – I’m your ride or die. I’m not going anywhere and neither are you. We’re just two peas in a pod.”

She laughed a little brokenly but cuddled in tighter, her body relaxing, the tension of the last vestiges of her panic leaving off and falling away.

“I’m—”

“Shh! None of that. No apologies. I told you, I’ve got you. I’m right here and I’llalwaysbe here. That’s how this shit works and fuck anybody else who’s got shit to say about it. You get me?”

She sniffed and nodded and looked up to me.

I kissed her and held her tight and said, “Now I do believe that’s one insecurity I’ve fucked all the way out of you tonight. What’s one more? You ready?”

Her high gale of laughter made the rain turn back to sunshine in our hearts and in the dark of our room and I had to smile.

Somehow, I knew a bad joke would get her to smile and take the last of the pain away... for now. I also knew there were more issues, more land mines lurking and I would traverse that field with absolutely no fear. There wasn’t a damn thing that would turn me away from her. Not a one.

* * *

I caughta glimpse of her through her classroom window. She was sitting alone at her desk and looked a bit frazzled. I went to try the handle and come in – but she had it locked. She’d never done that before, and while I absolutely understood why she did it now, it still worried me. Her head came up at the sound my attempt to get in the room made and she smiled, her stiff posture easing and I could tell – she wasn’t alright. Being back was taking a toll on her. It just remained to be seen if it would be something she could work through or not.

I waved her back down into her seat and keyed my way into the room and let the door swing shut behind me. No need to lock it when I was here.

“You doin’ okay, Fable?” I asked her.

She sighed and said, “Yeah. Just… it feels weird, you know?”

I shrugged slightly and asked, “Anybody giving you problems?”

She looked uncomfortable and said, “A couple, but nothing I can’t handle.”

I smiled and dropped into the seat across from her desk and cocked my head.

“How are you really? First day back and all…”

She smiled. “Tired. Likereallytired. I forgot how mentally and emotionally exhausting this could be and that wasbefore…well, you know.” She shrugged and I nodded.

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