Page 101 of Moonshine Lullabies

He nodded, “Uh, yeah…” he said. “I did. A while ago, actually. Please, I know you have every right to be mad—”

“I’m not,” I said quickly, and then I sat up a bit more, nodding and saying a little stronger, “I’m not.”

“You’re not?” he asked, cocking his head.

I shook my head.

“You didn’t do it for the wrong reasons. You did it to help me.”

He nodded eagerly.

“No more secrets in your house, baby,” he said, raising the back of my hand to his lips and kissing it.

I rolled my eyes and said, “Well, maybe from my mother…” He snorted and put a hand over his mouth before he could start laughing.

“Yeah, okay, there’s an exception to every rule,” he said, and I couldn’t help but smile at that.

I swallowed hard and asked, “So, uh, is it how my daddy said it happened?”

He nodded and put his arm out and I tucked myself into his side.

“Yeah,” he said.

“You promise to tell me everything?” I asked, and he nodded.

“Anything you want to know,” he said.

I nodded, and he heaved a big damn sigh and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and didn’t even bother opening them when the back slider opened again.

“Can I sit out here with you guys?” Tate asked and without missing a beat, both Col and I slid over.

Tate sat down next to me.

“You sad, Mom?” he asked, and I sniffed and nodded and switched my glass to my hand closer to Col that Col had relinquished to put his arm around me. I gripped my son’s hand and I cried again because I was sad.

Sad for my daddy, and for my whole family and how their hearts hurt right now.

“Are you sad?” I asked my son, and he sighed.

“I’m sad for you, and for Nuckie, and Grandy. I think I’m sad for Mamaw, but I don’t know… she’s… not very nice to you and she’s kind of selfish sometimes. I know that’s bad to say right now, but…”

“It’s okay, kid. You’re entitled to feel however you wanna feel,” Collier said, leaning forward to look at my son. I nodded in agreement.

“Is it selfish…” he swallowed hard. “Is it selfish to be glad I wasn’t there?” he asked quickly.

“No,” Collier said unequivocally.

“Not at all,” I agreed.

“I’m really glad you weren’t.” Collier spoke almost before I finished. “As a man, you might see a lot of bad things in your life. No need to start that shit this early.”

My boy nodded and said, “I’m sorry you had to.”

“Thanks, bud,” Col said. “Don’t feel too bad for me, though. I’ve seen worse, and I’ve had a lot of time to learn how to deal. Okay?”

Tate nodded and said, “Okay.”

I squeezed his hand and said, “Thank you for wrangling Mamaw for me.”

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