Page 56 of Cognac Secrets

She looked sad then and shook her head.

“I can’t. It would help all the PMDD symptoms aton, but my mom had an aggressive form of breast cancer when I was a pre-teen that was hormone based. With the family history, my doctor said it would be a bad idea for me to be on extra hormones because I would be courting an increased risk of cancer like my mom had.”

She sighed.

“I could be on a mood stabilizer like Prozac or whatever, but I would have to have insurance for that and I can’t afford it, and I also can’t afford the out of pocket or whatever to just go to a doctor on my own… I make too much money for help, but not enough to help myself – if that makes sense.”

I nodded against the pillow and said, “I get it. Whoever got the bright idea that healthcare should be a profitable thing needs to be taken out back somewhere and shot in the face.”

She snorted and giggled, nodding, and said, “Couldn’t agree with you more on that one, but that’s just not how life is… I’m so sorry about all of this. I looked at my phone and it’s like a week early out of nowhere.”

“Shh,” I kissed her forehead and smoothed a hand over her hair. “Nothing to be sorry about. I’m rather enjoying getting to know you – the real you. Not whatever version the dudes in your past wanted you to be. I get the impression that you haven’t been treated very well in the past…”

She sucked in a breath and nodded, saying to me, “While we’re being honest, raw, and more than a little vulnerable here… I mean, at least I feel that way, I have to confess I’m really confused.”

“Yeah, I figured you might be,” I said sheepishly. “Truth is, that makes two of us. I’m really confused too, I think.”

“This isn’t friends shit,” she whispered.

“No, it’s not,” I admitted.

“I’m scared,” she confessed.

“About what?” I asked.

She bit her lips together and smoothed them against one another and I was transfixed for a moment, struck by how much I wanted to kiss her. How I wanted to feel her soft lips against mine.

“That I’m going to care about you more than just friends… that I maybe already do, and that you’re just going to suck me in with all of these grand gestures of being so kind, patient, and understanding… of, of, of buying a whole damnhousejust to give us someplace to go to be alone together and that… that you’ll get bored of me and drop me like a bad habit and I’m going to be alone and devastated… again.”

Shit.That was heavy. That was a damnlotactually… and every bit of it was totally fucking valid.

“I can already tell you that I care, way more than just friends wise. The house needed to happen; you were just the thing to give me the final push into putting down roots. Finally. Permanently. You’re not the one who brought me here, you’re not the one who’s kept me here – the club did that, but Sandrine you’re the first one, the only one, that’s made me sure I want tostay,and that’s a big fucking deal.”

She put her hand against her mouth and looked at me, her eyes all wide and brimming with astonishment.

“I don’t understand,” she whispered.

“I don’t either. At least not yet, but when I do, if it ever comes to me, I promise to let you in on it.”

“This is a lot to take in,” she whispered.

“You take as long as you need, babes,” I told her. “I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

I turned onto my back and reached out, clicking off my bedside lamp. I turned back to her and pulled her into my arms and cuddled her close.

“Try and get some sleep, baby. I’ve got you,” I whispered and she burrowed closer beneath the sheets, wrapping her arm and a leg around me.

“I can’t tell you how long I’ve wished for someone to say that to me,” she murmured against my chest, pressing her lips in a reverent kiss to my skin.

“I’m happy to tell you as often as you need to hear it,” I said and she chuckled lightly, brokenly, and I held her just a little tighter.

“Sleep now,” I whispered and pressed my lips to her silky soft hair.

CHAPTERSIXTEEN

Sandrine…

“Bitch, shut the front door!” True was staring at me across the table at Café du Monde over a pile of beignets and our pair of café au laits. She gave me a long slow blink while she processed what I’d said and finally came out of whatever speechlessness or dumb she’d been struck with to get some clarification.

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