Page 11 of New Year

“What about emotionally stable? Are you happy?”

“I’m not unhappy.”

“Now that’s a fucking cop-out answer.”

Zack ran his finger around the rim of his steaming coffee mug, lips twisting without settling on a frown or a smile. “You know, I was hoping to find out more about you while we’re here.”

“Fine. Answer my last question, and then you can ask me a few of your own.”

“I’m working on being happy, but it’s difficult when you’re in a new town, working with new people, and taking care of an old friend who’s dying a slow death.” Zack’s steady voice wobbled at the end.

Nat leaned forward, surprised and upset on Zack’s behalf. “I’m sorry about your friend.”

“Thank you.”

Saying you were working on being happy was a fair enough answer, and an honest one for someone in Zack’s apparent position. Nat stirred his straw in his milkshake. “Okay, so what do you wanna know about me?”

“How old are you?”

“Over twenty-one.”

Zack quirked one eyebrow, and Nat swore his eyes lit up. Not with interest but with amusement. “Have you always lived in Reynolds?”

“No, I moved here when I started college.”

“And never left after you dropped out?”

“Correct.” He got the sense Zack would keep asking simple questions until he’d pried it all out of Nat, and Nat was too tired to play. “Look, I came to school with a scholarship, but I couldn’t keep my grades up, so I lost it. I ended up having to work part-time and do school part-time, which was taking forever, and then I just couldn’t afford classes anymore, so I dropped out last year. I’ve had other shit going on since then.”

Memories of that wonderful month-ish of dating Angelo, followed by the grief of dumping him, going back to Austin, the explosion at Tim’s, recovering with someone who seemed to disdain him, and then reaching his own emotional breaking point—they swirled around Nat’s mind like a foul windstorm, beating at him from all sides.

Warmth covered the top of his left hand. Nat jerked his head up and met Zack’s understanding gaze. Zack squeezed once then drew his hand back across the table. “I couch surfed for a few days,” Nat finished, “but it’s safer on the streets.”

Zack flinched. “You must have left something pretty awful.”

“I did. And I’m not talking about that tonight.”

“All right. I accept that boundary, Nathaniel.” Zack leaned back again and concentrated on sipping his coffee.

Nat waited for more questions that never came. Unsure if he’d just brought their conversation to an abrupt halt, Nat played around with his milkshake. He’d ordered it on a whim. One of his college jobs had been at an ice cream shop near campus that specialized in massive sundaes and crazy shakes. He’d loved the job, but the store had closed during his sophomore year. A health food store had taken over the location a few months later.

Their food arrived. Nat asked for water to go with his milkshake, and Rhonda refilled Zack’s coffee. The chicken parm was delicious, and Nat forced himself to take small bites, to chew carefully and alternate with sips of his milkshake, and to not gorge himself like his empty stomach demanded. He needed to fill it slowly so he didn’t get sick.

The silence hanging between them mocked Nat with its coldness. He’d enjoyed the warmth of their earlier conversation, even though they’d both admitted to trauma in their pasts, and grief in their present. Nat wasn’t close enough with anyone in his current life to have any idea how Zack felt about watching a friend die slowly, and he didn’t dare ask what the friend had. Cancer was the most likely culprit, but he didn’t want to upset Zack more.

Not upsetting the bigger guy saved bruises later.

He was also incredibly curious. Something about Zack drew him in and urged Nat to learn more. He’d felt something similar with Angelo, but that had been after they fucked the first time. Angelo had been closed off and not much for talking about his personal life. He’d shared bits and pieces, and Nat knew things from bar gossip. Conversely, Zack seemed willing to open up to the right person, at the right time, but he was guarded in a different way.

Nat wasn’t ready to stop learning about this man. “Where did you live before you moved to Reynolds?” he asked.

Zack paused with a fork of sautéed broccoli by his mouth, then took the bite and chewed. “Several places, actually. I had a somewhat nomadic existence for a few years, doing different charity work. Jobs that allowed me to travel and see more of the northeast and some of the south.”

“Wow. I haven’t traveled at all.”

“You’re young. You have plenty of time to see the wider world.”

Nat rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound condescending at all.”

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