Page 39 of New Year

Zack’s gaze dropped briefly, definitely to Nat’s mouth. Nat licked his lips, overcome by the need to feel Zack’s lips against his. To investigate Zack’s mouth and taste him. To get another of Zack’s amazing, full hugs. But he was terrified of fucking this all up.

He also knew Zack wouldn’t make the first move.

Zack’s phone rang, startling them both out of the moment. Nat dropped his gaze to his lap, while Zack reached for his phone on the bedside table. “Hey, Chase…no, I was already waking up.”

Nat cast about for his own phone and spotted it on his side table, on the charger. A charger he kept in the living room, since that’s where he slept. The absolute kindness of making sure Nat’s phone was both nearby and charged…belly wiggles. Butterflies. All kinds of tender feelings for the older man who was going out of his way to be a kind human being.

His bladder gave an angry kick, reminding Nat of everything he’d drank last night. He slid off the bed and went into the bathroom, as much to do his business and brush his teeth, as to give Zack privacy for the call. Nat wasn’t supposed to work for Chase today, so he didn’t have to rush to get ready.

The bedroom was empty when Nat emerged. His clean clothes were in the living room, neatly folded in a cheap plastic bin he’d bought at a thrift store. His wardrobe had slowly expanded beyond the capacity of his backpack, and he didn’t want to clutter up Zack’s apartment.

Zack was in the kitchen making coffee.

“Is Chase okay?” Nat asked.

“Yeah, he was checking in, asking how last night went.” Zack poured the carafe of water into the machine. “I told him we both had a great time, zero drama.”

“Okay. I wish I remembered more of my great time, but I guess the fact that I don’t really remember means I did have fun.”

“You did. A few times, you started having a little too much fun, and I stepped in. You were in no position to make decisions about people getting handsy.”

Nat’s heart turned over hard. “You protected me.”

Zack finished with the coffee pot, then turned and leaned his elbows against the counter, hunching a bit. “Yes, I did. And I’d do it again. I know it’s only been a few weeks, but you’ve become someone important to me, Nat. I protect the people I care about. When they let me.”

The bashful hesitation in those last four words drew Nat across the living room and into the kitchen space. Zack straightened and angled to face him, shoulders relaxed, expression open. Curious. Hopeful? “If I’d been there with anyone else, I wouldn’t have been able to let go,” Nat said, unsure why his voice had a new, quivering rasp to it. “I didn’t think I’d ever be able to trust another man again. Not after everything Austin put me through.”

Zack’s jaw flexed. Nat realized he’d just name-dropped his ex, but a first name wouldn’t exactly narrow things down if Zack decided to go fishing. And the obvious restraint Zack was showing in not asking questions helped Nat want to open up. He slipped his hand into Zack’s and led him over to the sofa. Sat them down close enough that their knees were touching.

He held tight to Zack’s hand and used that strength to find his words. “Austin is an exhibitionist, and he has an ego the size of Texas. He was handsome. Is handsome. Killer body and, like I said before, super charming. He also loves being on social media, because of the attention it gives him. The way it strokes his ego with every like or view or whatever.” Nat had always hated how much time Austin had spent on his phone, always interacting with his followers, only doling out his attention to Nat when he thought Nat deserved it.

“I craved the attention he gave me. Before I met him, I’d never explored my sexuality. So, it was easy for him to coax me into doing…things. After our first year or so together, he convinced me to have a threesome with another guy. A social media fan of his.”

Zack’s grip on his hand tightened. “Was a threesome something you ever imagined doing?”

“No. Growing up, I always believed in the idea of falling in love with one person. Maybe getting married, making a life. Not group sex or gang bangs, or any of that stuff.” Flashes from old encounters stung behind his eyes like unshed tears, and he tried to blink them away. The hands and mouths and dicks and sweaty flesh. The discomfort and, sometimes, outright pain. “But I always said yes, because I thought I loved him, and I thought he loved me. Because I was a fucking idiot.”

“Hey, no.” Zack slid across the cushion and tucked Nat against his broad chest, a heavy arm resting over Nat’s shoulders. Nat looped one arm around Zack’s waist, savoring the side-hug. And the precious, unwavering support. “I’ve known men like Austin before, and one thing I know is that they are expert manipulators. They know how to find and target their victims. You are not an idiot. You were deceived. Even the most seasoned, intelligent men can be deceived by the right person wielding the right lies.”

Nat snorted. “Or the wrong person.”

“You know what I mean. We always bristle when anyone tries to call us a victim, but it’s not a weakness. It’s not an insult or a slur. It’s a word that gives us the tools we need to heal from the trauma others inflict on us.”

Nat hadn’t missed that Zack kept saying “we.” Had to be the royal we, and not that Zack was including himself as a victim. Right? “But to keep falling for the lies? I kept going back to him.”

“Sometimes we mistake familiarity for safety. But the important thing is that you did eventually reach your breaking point, Nat. You did leave, once and for all. And you’ve stayed gone. You’ve protected yourself. You’re in a place where I can now help protect you from Austin. Please, let me protect you. I can’t change the past, but I can protect you in the present and the future.”

“Why?” Nat nearly choked on the question, and he dared raise his head. Meet Zack’s eyes. “Why do you want to protect me?”

The obvious answer—they were friends—rang through Nat’s head in an echo of Austin’s voice, tinged with derision. Friends helped each other, and that’s all it was. All it ever would be, because someone like Nat didn’t deserve a grand love, or a lover who would treat him like he mattered.

Zack’s left hand rose from its resting place on Nat’s hip to cup Nat’s jaw, hot and firm and without malice. Nat didn’t think, didn’t worry or wonder. He tilted his head and accepted the hot slant of Zack’s mouth over his.

Warmth and wet and spice enveloped Nat’s senses, and he melted against the solid body holding him close. Nothing mattered, except the slide of the lips and tongue against his, the strong arms tightening around him, the absolute rightness of this moment. He sought out, needing more of those magical kisses, desperate for every lick and press of the mouth moving against his. He needed to touch, to make sure the man kissing him so intensely was real, and not some alcohol-induced wet dream.

He also didn’t want to risk waking if it was.

Zack pulled one more gentle sip from his lips as he ended the kiss, pulling back so their eyes could meet. Zack’s burned with both arousal and uncertainty, and the uncertainty just wouldn’t do. Nat threaded his fingers in Zack’s thick, soft hair and pulled him down for another kiss.

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