Page 43 of New Year

He browsed a bit longer, since he had time to kill before he expected a text from Zack, and found a nice pair of jeans in his size. A few small trinkets caught his eye, but he’d long ago been disabused of the notion of accumulating useless items. He only kept what fit into his backpack.

Except for some of the extra clothes he had stored at home. If he had to run, he would have to leave a few things behind. Unless it was winter. Then he’d wear layers.

Stop it! Think about the present.

Staying in the present was something he and Austin could agree on today. Today was about his date with Zack.

Nat paid for his shirt and jeans, then walked to the nearest bus stop. The best part of a college town the size of Reynolds was a pretty regular bus schedule, so he didn’t have to wait long. He found a seat in the middle of the bus and settled in with his bag. At the next stop, he only paid half-attention to the people getting on and off—until curly black hair flashed in his periphery. Nat’s head snapped to the side, stomach gurgling with acid, heart slamming into his ribs like a bucking bronco.

The guy sat near the front, same side of the bus, and someone else’s head obscured Nat’s view. Nat hunched down in his seat, terrified that head of black curls belonged to Austin.

Please, not Austin, he can’t find me, I can’t see him.

He angled so he could see if the black-haired man left, and regulated his breathing so he didn’t have a fucking panic attack on a public bus.

Public bus.

Why would Austin be on the bus? He had his own car. He was a control freak who loved driving himself places and hated public transportation. Even if his beloved Mustang had broken down, he’d call up a friend for a ride, or rent something just as sporty.

Logically, that guy was not Austin. Fear kept Nat firmly in his seat when the bus paused at his stop. He couldn’t exit past the guy on the very slim chance it actually was Austin. Couldn’t risk it. Would not risk it. Coming out alone had been idiotic. What if he’d put himself right in Austin’s crosshairs? How long was he going to be stuck on this fucking bus?

The guy got off at the next stop. Nat leaned toward the window and peeked out. Too short, different profile. Not Austin.

Nat’s body turned to jelly as his adrenaline waned and his fear drained away into exhausting relief. Of course, it hadn’t been Austin!

Ashamed of his foolishness, Nat got off at the next stop, which left him a long way from home, but he didn’t care. He walked, sweating the entire way. His feet and legs hurt by the time he reached the house, and he went straight into the bathroom for a shower. Sat under the streaming water and tried to rid himself of the last of today’s intense fear. Fear over being discovered that slowly disappeared, replaced by a burning anger.

Even after two months apart, Austin was still controlling him. And that pissed Nat off.

He was still pissed later, when he was dressed and trying to read, and Zack texted that he’d be home in about thirty minutes. Nat tried to concentrate on his latest book, but he’d been staring at the same page forever, his mind stuck on that bus. Emotions fluctuated between shame and anger, both leaving him unsettled and slightly nauseated, when a sharp clicking noise startled a yelp out of him. His book tumbled to the floor.

“Hey, it’s just me,” Zack said from by the front door. “Nat?”

“Sorry, hi.” Nat reached down for the book, annoyed at himself for bending a few of the pages. “Shit.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you’d hear my car.”

“I was a million miles away. Not your fault.” He smoothed out the pages as best he could, then put the battered book on the side table. “How was work?”

“Pretty uneventful, which is what I always prefer over even minor catastrophes. Steady pace until I left.” Zack circled the couch, tie undone and jacket draped over his arm. “Chase and I spoke briefly this afternoon.”

Nat didn’t need to ask, but he still posed his response as a question. “About us?”

“Apparently, the hostess mentioned I was distracted, so Chase asked why. I admitted we were going on a date tonight.”

“Our date had you distracted at work?”

Zack’s lips quirked into a flirty smile. “Can you blame me?”

Nat had no idea why Zack would be excited to go on a date with him; Nat was nothing special and carried a dump truck full of baggage everywhere he went. But Zack saw something in him that Nat didn’t see, the same way that in Zack, Nat saw a deeply interesting man in the past, and a very tender heart in the present.

“I’m excited, too,” Nat replied. “I even bought a new shirt.”

“I noticed.” Zack’s obvious once-over made Nat’s insides tingle with anticipation. “Give me ten minutes for a quick shower and change?”

“Sure.”

Nat spent the time fruitlessly trying to smooth those book pages out, but once paper was folded, it was next to impossible to remove the fold completely. He hated the damage but the book was still readable. It wasn’t damaged beyond repair. Much like people. You could bend them, fold them, twist them, and tear them, but they could still be mended and have value.

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