Page 61 of New Year

Out loud, anyway.

Most days, Nat still judged himself for being a victim. First to his mother’s abuse and manipulation, and then to Austin’s. But he felt no judgement from Zack. And that was everything.

The last Thursday in July, Chase wanted to be at the restaurant. Zack would bring him home after closing, which gave Nat an unexpected day off. Since he had Chase’s car, and he hadn’t seen or heard from Austin since the Fourth, Nat decided to go to the Washburn Mall. It wasn’t a big mall, and the stores mostly catered to the large crowd of college students who would be returning to campus next month. But it was air conditioned, and he was craving an Auntie Anne’s pretzel.

The mall also had a movie theater. After about an hour of wandering in and out of stores, mostly window shopping, he treated himself to a movie. Looked at the board and bought a random ticket, then got a bucket of popcorn and a soda, because if he was going to treat himself, he was going to do it right. The movie ended up being a quiet drama that left Nat feeling hopeful about life, so he was in a terrific mood on the drive home.

He texted Zack about his day, and that he was home safe, which had become his habit. Checking in for safety reasons. Nothing exciting in the mail, except the security catalogue Zack had requested. He and Chase had discussed installing a metal gate across the front of the side porch, so they could move between Chase’s house and their apartment without constantly locking and unlocking their front doors.

A gate would definitely make life easier.

He was in such a good mood that he decided to share it with his boyfriend. He took a long shower, then put the lube and a few condoms on the bedside table in an obvious way. His belly wiggled at the thought of finally having the “We’re serious, let’s ditch condoms” conversation. He trusted Zack to be faithful to him, but it was such a huge step, and he wasn’t sure he was ready to take it yet. He was still healing from all the trauma Austin had heaped on him, plus some of the things he’d done while hooking. He’d gotten tested, but still….unsure.

The apartment was clean and tidy, but Nat still turned on music and ran the vacuum. Dusted clean shelves and wiped down the sparkling countertops. It helped pass time, and he was amped up when headlights flashed in the window. They were home. Nat changed the music from upbeat to something softer and more romantic, then stripped down to his briefs. Listened at the door while Zack and Chase said their goodnights.

Took a few steps back and rested his elbow on the edge of the counter. Cocked his hips just so and waited for his beloved boyfriend to open the door. Zack froze mid-step, his smile going instantly feral when his eyes met Nat’s. Zack bolted the door, punched in the security code, and was across the room before Nat could take two breaths.

He drew Zack into their bedroom with kisses and touches and leisurely strokes, and when he was ready, Nat welcomed his lover into his body with the same. They moved together for what felt like hours, kissing and nipping, and rolling their hips. Making love in all the right, most pleasurable ways for them. Nat adored the thick slide of Zack’s cock in his body, the way it always made him feel treasured and adored. Seen and felt and loved by this amazing man.

They lay together for a long time after, Zack’s fingers gently caressing his butt, occasionally dipping a naughty finger between his cheeks to rub his hole. Nat imagined Zack was feeling for his come, reminding himself of all the pleasure they’d given each other, impatient for the next time he could come inside Nat. But what if that wasn’t what Zack was thinking? What if he was wondering how much longer he had to chill there, until he could politely excuse himself to shower?

Stop it, that’s Austin making you doubt this.

He hated the ways Austin had destroyed his self-confidence and made him doubt every good thing in his life.

“What are you thinking about?” Nat asked.

“How much I love this and want to protect it. Us.” Zack shifted so he could look down, right into Nat’s eyes. “How much I love you.”

Nat’s heart trilled, and his breath caught. Zack had said it first. “You do? Really?”

“Yes, really.” He kissed him, a gentle promise. “I love you, Nathaniel Hawking.”

Nat wanted to say the words back, to voice the feelings in his heart, but he couldn’t get his tongue to unstick or his lips to move. He hoped the emotions were in glowing his eyes and shining from his smile.

“It’s okay if you can’t say it yet,” Zack whispered, his fingers sifting through Nat’s hair. “You know how I feel. And I love you.”

Gratitude surged through Nat, and he drew Zack down for another, longer kiss. He put his emotions into that kiss, into the hard thrust of his tongue and press of his mouth. They kissed and stroked and silently shared their love, until they were both hard again.

Nat reached for another condom.

* * *

Zack left for work the next day in an exceptionally good mood, and it had everything to do with Nat. Living with Nat, making love to Nat, holding Nat, cooking breakfast with Nat. Finally telling Nat that he loved him. Just remembering the moment made him grin like a loon. The complete shock and delight in Nat’s eyes had been breathtaking. And even though Nat hadn’t said it back, Zack felt the words in every action and look and touch.

His cell rang just as he found a parking spot a block from the restaurant. The restaurant was calling him. Odd, when they knew he’d be there in five more minutes. “It’s Zack.”

“Mr. Matteson, I’m sorry to bother you when you’re on your way here,” Marie said in a slightly stressed tone that raised Zack’s hackles. “But I think the man you told us to be on the lookout for was just seated in the French Garden room.”

“Austin’s there?” Zack nearly spat the words. He climbed out of his car without paying attention and was nearly clipped by a passing truck. He ignored the horn blaring at him and started jogging down the street toward River Bistro II.

“I think so. I looked at the photo several times, but the man who’s here is wearing a hat, so I can’t be sure if he has the same hair color.”

One of Zack’s precautions had been to print out a social media photo of Austin and have it posted in the prep area of both restaurants, so all the staff knew to call Zack if Austin showed up. Zack wanted to be on the premises and test the waters, see if Austin knew who Zack was, or if he was just dining there as a casual customer.

“Thank you, Marie, I’ll be there in a few minutes. Serve him like usual, all right?”

“Yes, sir.” She ended the call.

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