Page 85 of The Witch Queen

“How did you end up with Lunaria?”

I chuff. “I was training in The Spined Moors, more inland than where we’ve visited. I felt her presence and was absolutely terrified. She stalked me for hours before I finally glimpsed her. When I realized what was watching me, I aerstepped to the coast, but she followed me there. Every day after that for a month, whenever I would train, she would just appear. If I moved locations, she would follow me. Eventually, I worked up the courage to pet her, and she let me. I asked her if she wanted to come home with me, and I just somehow knew her answer was yes. So, I brought her back to the palace, and she’s been with me ever since.” He looks at me with equal parts incredulity and awe, like I’m the most interesting person in the world.

“I can’t believe you just brought one of the most fearsome wild animals in all the Four Kingdoms home with you after petting her one time.” His eyes convey both terror and humor.

I shrug. “That’s the best part of being so powerful. I’m usually pretty sure I’m the real predator in any situation.” I say the words as a joke, but I watch his face for any sign of fear or recoil. His expression reflects nothing but respect “Did you ever have any pets?” I ask, trying to distract myself from the feelings building in my chest.

“Other than Fionn, no.” I roll my eyes.

“How are Fionn and Silene taking everything? Do you think they really believe us?” I ask.

“Silene does. She’s still sighing in hopeless romanticism every half hour.” I chuckle with the image of a dreamy eyed Silene. “Fionn is harder to read. I think he’s still skeptical but trusts me to make the decisions that are right for me.”

“I’m envious of the family you’ve found with Silene and Fionn,” I say quietly, thinking of the loss of my own found family. Thorne takes my hand.

“They see you as their family too, you know. Silene especially.” Once again, emotion tightens in the back of my throat, but I push it away.

“Don’t do that,” Thorne says.

“Do what?”

“Push away your emotions. I see you push it down, try to hide it away.Your feelings are safe with me.You don’t have to be the stalwart leader, or the Witch Queen, or whoever the fuck else the world expects you to be. Just be Laurel. The good, the bad, the emotional… I want every part of you.” My throat clenches and I let the mask crack just a little. He strokes my fingers as I wonder what the catch is. Wonder what flaw he might have that will bring this all crashing down. The smallest flutter of hope ignites in my chest. “How are you feeling today about Nemesia?” he asks, and a hollowness returns to my gut thinking about her.

“I don’t know. Betrayed? Angry? Hurt? It’s still so hard to believe. I told the Council today and put the order out for her arrest if she enters Thayaria.”

“And how did the Council take the news?”

“They were shocked of course, but the topic of conversation focused primarily onhowI received the information.” Thorne’s shoulders tense, waiting for me to continue. “I told them of our alliance and scheme. Many are furious that I lied to them. I suspect there will be more to deal with on that front later. For now, the three of you are going to work with seven of my advisors to plan our next move on the rebels, while secretly looking for any information that might tell us if Nemesia was working alone.”

He nods. “It’s a good plan.”

“It was Silene’s,” I admit, and he chuckles.

“Of course it was. Is that why she mysteriously disappeared this morning and wouldn’t tell us where she was going?” I laugh, and a warmth builds in my chest that she would keep my request secret from them and only between us, like I’m just as much her friend as they are.

“Yes,” I say with a sheepish look. “I asked for her advice today. She agreed it was time to tell the Council everything and hatched this plan for me in about five minutes.”

“I continue to be amazed by how forthcoming you are with your advisors. My father would never tell them his plans so openly, even in a scheme to draw out a mole.”

I shrug. “I was crowned when I was twenty years old, with no experience or knowledge of what I was doing. I’ve had to rely on advisors my entire life. I learned the lesson too many times that I don’t always have all the answers, even if I need to pretend I do. Listening to others is a critical part of ruling. Even if there is another mole on the Council, there’re dozens of advisors whoareloyal.”

He brings my hand to his lips and kisses it. “Many would have done differently in your shoes, even at twenty. You’re remarkable.” An emotion I can’t place swims in his eyes, but I shy away from it, dropping my eyes to our hands again despite his request not to push away how I’m feeling. He only lifts my chin with two fingers as he’s done so many times before, meeting my gaze with a probing stare. “During your rule, as you’ve been setting up the Council of Advisors and creating hundreds of programs for citizens and training your magic and doing all the incredible work I see you do regularly—what in all of that makes you happy? When are you the happiest, Laurel?”

His question takes me aback, and not just because no one has ever asked me it before. I’ve never askedmyselfthe question. Happiness is for normal people, not for leaders running an isolated kingdom because of their own failure. Words pour out of me, unbidden, like they always do when he gets me alone and asks me these impossible questions.

“I didn’t have time to be happy—don’thave time to be happy. I’m too busy trying to be the leader Thayaria deserves, too busy trying to solve every problem that arises. There’s so much work to do and too many people who depend on my decisions. The weight of it—” My words break off. Thorne remains silent, a steady presence as I sort through the emotions bubbling to the surface after he’s flayed me open. “It’s a lot of responsibility to bear,” I finally say. “I have to be strong. Happiness is optional.” Thorne’s lips purse and his eyes turn downward, the expression too close to pity for my liking. He opens his mouth and I’m sure is about to tell me my answer is bullshit or, even worse, to tell me how sorry he is for the life I’ve led, and I don’t want either of those things from him. So, I pull a page out of his own book, changing topics rapidly with a fake grin and a wink I know he sees through. “No one feels sorry for the Witch Queen.” His expression remains studious. “Where’s this cake? I’ve eaten enough regular food,” I say with enthusiasm.

He laughs, playing along with my silent plea to leave our feelings behind us, then stands to retrieve the cake from behind the counter. He sets it in front of me, then hands me a fork. “It’s all yours.” I dive in.

When we finish our dinner, we take the long walk back up to the palace. Thorne continues to pepper me with questions about small and big things, though nothing quite as harrowing as the question about happiness. When I can get one in, I ask him questions too. The walk passes too quickly, and suddenly we’re at his apartment door. I stand there awkwardly, not sure what to do from here.

“Normally I’d walk you toyourdoor, but as you’re the one with aerstepping powers, I can’t really do that,” he says with a sheepish quirk of his lips, and I laugh.

Holding my hands, he brings me to his chest, wrapping me up in his strong body. I tuck my head under his chin, and he murmurs contentedly as he strokes my back. I could stay here forever, and despite how uncomfortable I feel with the emotions Thorne brings out in me, when I’m wrapped in his arms, inhaling his scent, my mind quiets.

With a squeeze, he releases me, then kisses the top of my head. “Goodnight, witchling,” he says, then enters his apartment and closes the door, leaving me aching for his presence.

Hawthorne

---