Page 34 of It's a Love Story

“I know,” Dan says. And then, to me, “I don’t actually love acting like a jackass in the same way my brothers do.”

“He gets stage fright,” Finn says and makes a sarcastic sad face.Boo-hoo.Connor laughs, though I’m not sure at what.

Dan rolls his eyes. “It’s not stage fright. It’s idiot fright. I know I’m going to hate whatever stupid thing you have planned.”

Aidan places his hand on the back of Dan’s chair. “He’ll be fine. And Janey will make sure he shows up.”

“Of course I’m going to show up,” Dan says.

“Seemed a little touch-and-go that you were even coming to town,” Connor says with an edge. “We weren’t exactly counting on you.”

“Can we not do this?” Dan says. His hands are clutching the table like he’s about to push himself away and leave. I feel like I’m witnessing something I shouldn’t.

“Well, it was nice of you to give us a little time during your hunt for a pop star,” Connor says. There’s a smirk on his face that I’d like to punch.

“You’re welcome,” Dan says without missing a beat.

“I mean, it’s their fortieth anniversary. We’ve been planning this thing since Christmas . . .” Connor trails off. For a second, I see his baby-of-the-family energy.

Brian says to me, “He’s MIA for a lot of stuff.” I don’t know how to respond. Dan is under attack and seems completely used to it. I want to defend him, or at least let him know I’m on his side. It’s not that easy to show up for dinner on Long Island when you live in Los Angeles.

“I’m not MIA,” Dan says evenly. He leans back in his chair. “I don’t know if you guys know, but they recently opened the borders around Long Island. You could stick a toe over the line and see how it feels, if you wanted.”

Aidan laughs. “Not a chance, we’d never survive.” He lifts up his beer and says, “To crossing county lines.”

Everyone drinks to that, and the tension softens, but I don’t like this. I don’t like the four-against-one. I don’t like the way Dan seems like he’s on defense against the people he loves most.

“I’ll run lines with him,” I say. “I’m a pro.”

“And then you’ve got to get him on the stage,” Aidan says. “That was going to be my job, but you’re prettier than I am.”

“I think you’re exceptionally pretty,” Dan says to Aidan. His brothers laugh and I am confused. It’s a joke because they’re identical, but I didn’t expect something light to come out of Dan’s mouth. I think I expected him to sulk or storm out of the restaurant. I’m realizing what it is about this family that has me so rapt—it’s the way they say what they mean and just move on.

Brian says, “Okay, Jane’s in charge of Danny. I guess that’s all we need to deal with. Connor’s texting everyone his corny-ass toast.” He raises his beer. “Cheers to Mom and Dad.” We all clink glasses again, and I feel a pressure in my heart. An old longing to be a person who could sayMom and Dadlike it was nothing, but also the feeling that I’m part of this night, the sixth glass clinking. Reenie and Cor- mack feel like people I’d like to toast again and again.

When a mountain of food is placed on the table, Aidan asks, “Any Quinlan sightings today? Like, are you staking out his house?”

“If we knew where he was staying, I probably would have. We actually just rode bikes to the beach,” I say.

“And we kicked ass in a tug-of-war,” Dan says.

“They made a brief appearance at the Owl Barn,” Finn says. “And Janey and I made music history.”

“Yep, that was our workday,” I say. I smile at Dan over my beer. It was a good day. I can’t remember the last time I spent an entire day playing. I wore the world’s dumpiest bathing suit and got covered in sand; I ate a sandwich the size of my head and biked and made music. I’m no closer to not getting fired, and yet it was an oddly good day.

Connor grabs a crab and shakes his head. “I don’t know how you guys do it. I hope this movie thing works out, really I do. But the stress of not knowing if you’re getting a paycheck, I can’t imagine it.”

Aidan says, “And Danny, can you imagine spending the day flossing crap out of other people’s teeth?”

“I cannot,” Dan says.

It occurs to me then why Dan lovesTrue Story.It’s the kind of love he grew up with, where the real and maybe not- so-nice thing is said, and then you come back together. The love creeps in in small ways, a hand placed on the back of your brother’s chair.

“I wouldn’t worry about Dan,” I say. “He took me through his retirement plan, it’s ironclad.”

Dan laughs and gives me a sideways smile. I guess it’s okay to use his joke now.

The sun gets lower, and they tell so many stories. The time Aidan snuck a girl into their room and made Dan and Connor sleep in the garage. The time Finn got arrested for trying to buy beer using his dad’s expired driver’s license. The mildly erotic love letter Dan wrote to his kindergarten teacher. Brian’s first mullet. Laughter rises up from the table, and just as it’s about to settle down, someone starts another story. I have laughed so hard that my body idles with anticipatory laughter for whatever’s coming next. I tell them about pranks we played on each other on set, harmless, uncreative pranks that invariably went all wrong.

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