Page 44 of Cross Her Heart

Charlotte’s racing heart hardens. There were never bedtime stories for her. No one looked after her when she was sick. Daniel’s such a lucky shite and he doesn’t even know it. Ma comes and sits, carefully, on the edge of the bed. This, this is something else. Danger tingles in every cell of Charlotte’s body.

‘You should take this,’ Ma says. She holds out one of her ‘back pain pills’.

‘Don’t want it.’

‘Just bloody take it!’ Tony’s voice bellows from the corridor and both Charlotte and Ma flinch.

‘Go on. It won’t hurt you. It’s a good feeling.’ Ma half smiles but her eyes still slide sideways. ‘I know you, Charlotte, you like a buzz.’

‘Haven’t got a drink.’Delay, delay, delay.It’s all she can do, but she’s cornered and she knows it. Daniel’s crying sounds like it’s coming from far away. There is only her bedroom and it’s no longer her sanctuary. A can of lager is thrust in her hand and she takes it and the pill, and while wanting to scream with all the fear and theknowing unknowingof what she thinks is to come she swallows it.

‘There’s my good girl,’ Ma says, and strokes her hair. Ma looks like she’s going to cry which scares Charlotte more than anything. ‘Don’t worry,’ she says. ‘It’ll be all right. It’s always all right if you just don’t think about it.’

‘His nappy needs changing,’ Tony says, appearing once again in the doorway. ‘You do that. I’ll get her down the chippy. She can have a wash there.’

Charlotte finds herself getting to her feet. She can’t fight Tony. Ma doesn’t fight Tony. No one fights Tony. Her legs are trembling. She won’t cry. There’s no point. She wonders how long it will take for her ma’s pill to kick in and finds herself thinkinghurry up hurry up hurry up.She turns to pick up her jacket.

‘Only her mouth, yeah?’ Ma whispers, and it’s frantic, guilty, ashamed. Tony grunts in reply. ‘I mean it, Tony. I mean it. She’s only eleven.’

Charlotte thinks she might be sick, but she keeps her chin up. She has Katie. One day they’ll run away. One day they’ll fuck this fucking shite right off. Only when she gets to the front door does she glance back. Ma’s at the top of the stairs, Daniel on her hip again.

‘Once upon a time there was a forest. In the forest there was a little girl called Red Riding Hood. There was also a big bad wolf …’ She doesn’t look down at Charlotte as she talks. Daniel does, though. Clutching Peter Rabbit with one hand, he gives Charlotte a half wave with the other. A small gesture. Just for her.

Fuck you, Daniel,she thinks, as she follows Tony outside.Fuck you, you little shite.

45

NOW

MARILYN

I’m shattered. What a day. What a mixture of a day. The adrenaline of being back at work and acting as if everything was fine at least kept me awake at my desk, and it felt surprisingly good to be back in the grip of humdrum normality.

That feeling lasted a whole hour before Richard arrived, unkempt and wild, banging on the glass doors, demanding to be buzzed in. I wasn’t surprised. Not really. On some level, I knew he’d be watching the car park every day, waiting to see me arrive. If it hadn’t been such a humiliation it would almost have been a relief.

When I went out into the corridor he did everything I expected. He begged me to come back. He pleaded. In the very predictable end, he threatened. Loudly. He slammed me up against the wall.You’re so fucking ugly no other man will ever touch you! Who the fuck do you think you are? I will fucking destroy you, you stupid bitch!All so grotesque, the monster inside showing on his contorted face. I cried. I couldn’t help it. Being pressed up against the wall hurt my ribs and all his anger hurt my heart. How did we come to this?

The noise brought Penny out in no time at all. She wasn’t going to take any of his shit and Richard knew it. Threatening and bullying his wife was one thing, but he couldn’t do play those games with Penny. She stood firm as he tried to swallow his rage and look reasonable, spit still on his lips from where he’d been screaming at me. She told him she’d call the police if he came back to the office again, reminding him that thanks to Lisa the police were quick to come to PKR when called. She told meIshould get a restraining order. I straightened my clothes and told him I wasn’t coming back. It was over. I’d be getting a divorce.

Penny escorted him to the ground floor and made sure the men at the front desk took him to his car and told them if he was seen again anywhere near the building they were to call her and the police.

The rest of the day was spent under a cloud of humiliation disguised as sympathy. Stacey was sweet in aOh God, I don’t know how to deal with thisway. Toby puffed up and swore he’d beat the crap out of Richard if he dared show up again – which almost made me smile because I doubt Toby’s ever had an actual fight in his life – and then there was Julia, the only one who in fact made me buck the fuck up because of all her faux sympathy and pity. Penny was nearly as bad, as if Richard’s crazy might give her an excuse to demote or fire me at some point in the near future, and put all this ‘Lisa business’ behind her for good.

She and Julia are clearly thick as thieves already. Funny how things change. But still, I went to work and I got work done, and after what happened when I got back to the hotel smug Julia’s no doubt surgery-adjusted nose will be very much out of joint tomorrow.

Simon Manning had been waiting for me in the business centre downstairs. I’d thought he was going to ask me to leave, but instead he wanted to know if I’d be willing to take over his account at PKR –Lisa’s job.He said I could stay in the hotel for a while and could meet prospective staff. It would give them – and me – a far better view of the ethos of the business and the work involved, and I could liaise with the heads of housekeeping and catering about the new build. Living in would give me more of an insight into the hotel industry, and he was sure I could work a few days a week from here to start. If I agreed, he’d call Penny right away.

If I agreed.I nearly fell to my knees in joy. Of course I wanted the contract. I was still blubbing my thanks when he walked away. And now here I am, flopped back on my big hotel room bed, a huge mixture of emotions. Relief. That’s what I’m feeling mainly. I don’t care if he’s offered the work out of pity, I’ll be good at it, and Lisa already had things underway.

Lisa. The day has been too full to think about her and I’m damned if I’m going to start now. This ismyfresh start. Simon Manning has given me an out. My job is safe and I don’t have to worry about finding somewhere to live yet. If the bank takes the house because the mortgage hasn’t been paid, I can still survive. I need to get more of my things but that can wait and I don’t want to go on my own.No Lisa to go with you any more.

I’m about to strip down for a shower before opening the bottle of wine, sandwich and crisps I picked up on the way home – funny how quicklyhomechanges – when there’s a knock on the door.

The police. Three of them. Bray front and centre.

‘What’s happened?’ My stomach turns to water. ‘Is it Ava?’ My first fear is they’ve found her and it’s not good, but I realise Bray’s expression is too hard for that. I let them in.

‘Lisa’s escaped.’ Blunt.

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