Page 55 of Insomnia

“I should have asked him to check the footage for Phoebe,” I say.

“Go and talk to her before you start throwing accusations around. She’s your sister.”

“Okay, okay,” I say.

She doesn’t look convinced.

“I promise. And I’ll come and report back.” I look away then to finish washing the frying pan and while she doesn’t sayplease doneither does she tell me not to. Whether she likes it or not, she’s my only friend in all this. And anything to save me from being alone in that hotel room. “But first I’ve got somewhere else to go.”

“What are you doing here?”

It’s not exactly a joyful greeting from my husband. “Don’t look so surprised, it is my house.”

“Our house.” Robert’s holding the front door open but isn’t moving aside to let me in. “You look terrible. Have you slept?”

“There’s proof I absolutely didn’t kill my mother. They’ve got me on camera leaving the hospital.” I’m trying not to look too smug but I can’t help it. “So at least you don’t have to think that of me anymore.”

“Two things.” His expression doesn’t change. “I neverdidthink you’d done that, and secondly I already knew. The police rang this morning. They said Darcy was going to tell you.”

“But surely you’re happy? Surely this means we can—”

“You moving out wasn’t about that and it doesn’t solve any of our other problems, does it?” He keeps his voice low and comes outside, pulling the door to, as I try to peer around him, hoping to catch a glimpse of Will at the kitchen island. “You think this makes everything else go away?” he continues. “Will still won’t talk about his drawings. When I’ve asked him, when the therapist asked him, what he’s drawing, all he’ll say is ‘Mummy.’ Why would he lie, Emma? Why does he say your name?”

“I don’t think he is lying. Of course I don’t. But neither am I.” I pause and then the words come out in a flurry. “It’s Phoebe, Robert. It has to be. She says she was visiting our mother to makeher peace? She wasn’t. She was calling her names, being horrible to her, someone there told me.”

“A doctor?” He frowns. “Why did they let her visit if—”

“It wasn’t a doctor, it was a patient but—”

“For god’s sake, Emma,” he cuts in, exasperated. “Listen to yourself. You’re so paranoid you’re believing what lunatics tell you.”

“Lunatic?” I have a flare of anger on Sandra’s behalf. “Very PC. Be proud of yourself. And you know as well as I do that Phoebe has always been jealous of me, ofus,of all this. Is it so crazy to think that perhaps she wants to take it away from me? She knows I worry about what happened to our mum. That it’ll happen to me. She’s playing on that worry. She’s making you buy into it, and she’s scaring Will. Maybe she’s the one with a screw loose.” I pace on the path, and my words are nearly a snarl. “And I bet even she didn’t bank on how easily you’d believe it all. I’m a lawyer, Robert. I’m the most together person we know.”

“Youwere. But these past few days? You’re a different person. As if something’s snapped. And as for belief? I believe ourson,Emma.” His voice is low. “I mean, Jesus Christ, I’m just trying to protect him. I love you. I want all this resolved. For my sake and for yours. But it’s better if you stay away until after your birthday.”

The wind goes out of my sails and my clenched fists feel the memory of standing by my bed in the night with no idea of how I got there, clutching that pillow. He’s right. Maybe I should stay away until after my birthday. Is my feeling of dread aboutme?

“I don’t want Phoebe here,” I say. That much is true. I may not trust myself but neither do I trust her. We both have the same mad blood. “And I’m going to go and tell her as much.”

“What’s going on? Oh. It’s you.” Chloe’s face is sullenly defensiveness as she comes outside. “I’ll get the bus. See you, Dad.” Shebarely breaks stride and I change tack, turning my back on Robert and going after her.

“Hey, Chloe, wait. I’ll give you a lift.”

“Not after last time.”

“Oh, come on, we both know that wasn’t my fault. At least slow down and let me walk with you.” I have to jog to catch up with her.

“Have you ended it with Julian?” She doesn’t answer but glares stonily at the ground. “Oh, for God’s sake, Chloe, I’m going to have to tell Dad. I can’t keep it from him forever.”

She stops then, finally looking at me. “If you do, I’ll deny it. And who’s he going to believe right now?”

“Wow. That’s quite something.” I square up to her. I’m not taking this from my own child. “Shall we try it, Chloe? Because that might be how it goes at first, but trust me, he’ll start to have doubts.”

She strides away again, all pent-up anger, and I grab her arm.

“I don’t want to fight with you, Chloe. I’m not the enemy. I’m just worried. About everything.” I glance back at the house. “About you and this situation. About what’s happening with Will. And Phoebe. Has she been here? Is she spending time with Will alone? Your dad won’t listen to me, but she can’t be trusted. I know her.”

“Stop it, Mum! Stop it!” She spins to face me and I’m expecting rage, but instead she’s on the verge of tears. “Please, just stop! Don’t you see what you’re doing? You’re scaring us! All of us! Dad. Will. Me. You want me to end it with Jules? Why would I do that? I feelsafewith him.”

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