Page 44 of We Live Here Now

He wishes Broken Wing would crumble to nothing already. Is it only her lingering resentment of him—You let me die. You murdered me—that keeps what remains of her corpse together? If she disappeared, then he would be free. She would be dust on the wind and he could fly far, far away from this place. To start again. With Bright Wing.

No morebefore before before.No more forevermore. He needs to do something. As the wind finally drops but the rain comes down harder, he raises his own strong wing to protect her remains.

This has to end. His mate is dead. He knows that.

55

Emily

The morning refuses to lighten, the sky stubbornly clinging to a deathly gray mantle that none of the lights inside the house can dispel. It doesn’t help that I’m so cold. For the first time since he’s mentioned it, I think Freddie might be right about there being a draft in this house. Despite having had a long, hot shower after he left for work and lighting a fire as well as having the heating on, by the time I get back from a quick trip to the local shop for a pregnancy test, I haven’t been able to get warm at all. Maybe it’s shock that’s causing it. My head hasn’t stopped spinning since finding Cat and Mark in the boot room.

I stare down at the test, unsure if there’s a line there at all or if it’s just shadows and liquid. It’s not a brand I know. I should have gone into the center of town and gone to the pharmacist, but it’s misty outside and I didn’t want to drive more than I had to. Anyway, I’ve probably taken it too early. Maybe I’ve got my dates wrong. Maybe my cycle has changed since my accident.

And it’s probably no wonder I still don’t have a period. Maybe there is a slim chance that I’m pregnant again, but I expect it’s more the shock of everything that’s been happening. Not only has my husband been hiding things from me and gambled away our financial security, our best friends’ marriages are a bullshit of lies and cheating too. We all started out so young and in love. What’s happened to us?

On the sofa, I toss the test into the fire and then huddle close to the crackling flames and watch the video on my phone for what feels like the hundredth time. My stomach flips and twists and makes mefeel queasy all over again. Yesterday the whole business upset me so much I spent the entire day quietly trying to decide whether to talk to Freddie about it to get his opinion on whether to tell Iso or Russell or to leave well enough alone and say nothing. It’s hypocritical of me for sure. I mean, I cheated on Freddie. But only once and not with one of our friends. This is totally different. I could barely look Mark or Cat in the eye, and I’ve never been gladder for one of Iso’s hangovers distracting her; it was a relief when they all left.

I felt so bad for Iso. Maybe the overdrinking was because she knew something was wrong. I was about to open up to Freddie when he went out for a walk, and then when he got back I was in the bath and he was in an odd mood. I decided to leave it.

Now I’m glad I did. I pull my cardigan tighter and glance around the room, trying to figure out where the draft is coming from as my brain ticks over. I realized earlier that the voices I heard on the landing when we had the late Christmas day must have been Cat and Mark meeting up when everyone was asleep. Had they wanted to come and see me at all, or was it just a good excuse to see each other without raising any suspicion? Using our home as a venue for a sneaky shag?

I throw more coal into the blazing fire. Sitting here in the relentless chill, my upset has turned very much to anger. The world is full of liars. There has been one slight upside. Cat—so much for her Christian values—and Mark’s cheating has also put Freddie’s gambling into a slightly different perspective. The gambling at least is an illness. And it was stress frommyillness that made him do it. Yes, it was weak, but I do understand it. This sneaking around—and the way they were fucking was not first-time fucking, so they’ve been doing it awhile—is something else. Iso would kill Mark and take him for everything he’s got if she knew, and it would break Russell’s heart.

Why would Mark do that to Iso? I am blaming Mark for it, I realize. He’s charmed Cat. Made her feel special. That doesn’t happen to her often; she’s not ashiningperson like Iso. It’s probably just a game to him. A game that could end up costing him a lot.

I sit up a little straighter and look down at my phone, a thought coming to me. It’s like a jolt of electricity through my veins and almost makes me warm. It’s not a pleasant thought. In fact, it’s an entirelyunpleasant thought, one that I never in a million years would have imagined I was capable of. It’s the completeoppositeof telling Iso or Russell or confronting Cat to tell her to stop it. But it would certainly solve all Freddie’s and my problems. Or give me a get-out-of-my-marriage card if I decide I can’t trust him anymore.

I stare at the fire for a long moment before reaching for my iPad on the coffee table. I’m going to need both my devices for this. Before I can talk myself out of it, I fire a text to Mark telling him to call me as soon as possible, and then I sit back and wait, my heart pounding. Mrs. Tucker is due in to clean soon, and I want this done before then.

I only have to wait ten minutes before my phone rings and I nearly throw up on the spot.Just do it, Emily, I tell myself, and take a deep breath before I put the call on speakerphone and press record on the iPad.

“So,” I start, “how long have you been fucking Cat?”

“What are you talking about?” he says, indignant. “I’m not fucking Cat.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Is this a joke?” He tries to laugh, but I can hear his blustering panic. “Why the fuck would you think that, Em? I know you’ve been having some weird moments since your accident, but that’s just plain crazy.”

“I saw you,” I say calmly. “And before you protest some more, I took a video. In fact, I’ll send it now.”

“Jesus Christ,” he mutters as it arrives. “I told her we shouldn’t do it in your house, but she’s so fucking needy. She won’t leave me alone.”

Bingo.

I watch the time ticking away on the voice note app as it records.Gotcha.

“Are you going to tell Iso?” Mark’s voice is full of dread as hestarts running through all the eventualities. “I know she’s your best friend, but this would devastate her. I’ll end it. I’ve been trying to for a while but Cat won’t let it go.”

“When did it start?” I keep my tone uncertain.Give him hope to make him talk.“I need to understand it before I can decide what’s best to do.”

“The holiday.” He lets out a long, shaky sigh. “She’s so different from Iso. You know what Russell was saying at the Christmas thing? About how people are illusions at first. Not Iso. Iso’s still as high-maintenance and full of life as she was on day one. It’s exhausting. Cat’s so calm, and she’s had a little crush on me forever. It just happened one afternoon. I think you and Iso had gone shopping. It was a couple of days before your accident. Russell and Freddie were asleep on sun loungers and we were inside talking. Drinking. One thing led to another, as they say.” He pauses. “Sex with Iso is all performance and all about Iso. Cat was so easy. And so grateful.”

I hate him on Cat’s behalf for that, and the worst bit is I know it would be true. Mark’s not worth half of Russell, but he has that blinding thing like Iso does and he has all that money. He would have made Cat feel special.

“It’s only been a few times. Hotel meetups. Nothing serious. Not for me. Honestly, Emily, I feel shitty about it, I really do. Awful, in fact.” I can hear the panic in his voice. “Please don’t tell Iso. Please.”

“She’d destroy you if I did,” I say and sip my coffee. I’m amazed at how calm I am. “How much do you earn, Mark? Two? Three million a year? I read that report in theTimeson pay at Rolfman Bachus. And you’re top of the tree there. If I tell Iso, she’ll go nuclear. She’ll shake out all the apples in the divorce settlement, and worse, she’ll bad-mouth you everywhere she goes. All those charities you support for tax relief. All those foreign clients you’re always entertaining. They won’t want her noise. It won’t be worth doing business with you to have to deal with her.” I pause and let that sink in. “But the money aside, she’d never ever let you go. Everyrelationship you try to have she’d do her worst to scupper. Her ego would never forgive you for cheating. Her father cheated, remember? Broke her mother. Wrecked her childhood. You’d take the punishment for that.”

---