Page 30 of Get Me to the Starting Line

I’ve noticed the way her hair turns golden brown as the sun rises, the green in her eyes shimmering like fucking emeralds in the light. I’ve noticed the freckles peppering her nose and how the way she moves accentuates her curves without her even trying. I’ve noticed she overthinks and is overprotective of her sister. I’ve noticed how smart she is.

I’ve noticed her.

“Youokayoverthere?”Paige asks on the other end of the phone. We’ve been talking wedding planning while Levi played happily in the living room. Until he got hungry and it went to hell. I haven’t been listening to her.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” I’m trying to wrestle Levi into his high chair, but he’s not having it.

“It’s fine, it can wait if the little bug is giving you a hard time. Do you want me to come over and help out?”

Yes.

“No, I’ve got it.” I keep the tremble out of my voice as much as I can, hoping she can’t hear it. Finding a way to hang up quickly, I set the phone down on the counter. I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. My run this morning completely zapped me of all energy.

I’m totally destroyed. My legs weigh one hundred pounds each and also are somehow hot and buzzing with energy. What the fuck is that about?

And then there’s the full-body exhaustion. It cannot possibly stay this hard forever, right? No one would get anything done if running wrecked them so thoroughly every time.

Paige and Adam run together in the mornings, which baffles me. Especially when they’re training for ultras—much to Adam’s dismay—they sometimes run in the evenings as well. As in two fucking runs a day. How does my machine of a sister do it?

I can’t even blame it on the fact that she’s not a mom, because I know how many women do what she does, even with kids. It’s fucking incredible, no matter the level.

There’s no way I have the energy to struggle with Levi tonight. He can eat cereal out of the box for all I care. His fit immediately stops when I put him on the floor and hand him the box of Cheerios. I must really be off my game because I should’ve known that was a mistake.

The box gets turned over, and a shower of little wheat circles rains down all over my kitchen floor accompanied by crumbs and powder.

Mom of the year right here.

This time, I don’t hold the tears back. I’m tired. I’m sore. I’m so fucking hungry. When is my food getting here?

Vancouver is so ridiculously expensive to live in, I’m grateful I have a well-paying job because I can just about keep on top of all my bills and have a little money left over for fun. But I do have to budget fairly well, which includes eating out. I try to order food once every other week, but this is the second time in three days. I’m simply tootired to cook, and if I don’t get food in me soon, I’m going to start in on my son’s floor Cheerios.

Twenty minutes later, there’s a knock on the door.

“Finally,” I mutter under my breath. When I swing it open, the smell of kadai paneer wafts into my apartment, but I can only savour it for a moment.

Behind the delivery guy, who leaves my food in my needy hands, is Paige, standing there looking a little flushed with a few bags of groceries.

“What’re you doing here?” I ask as she barges into the apartment, which used to be hers, taking the bags right to the kitchen.

“Dang, kid, give your momma a break,” she coos at her nephew. Then she starts putting away the groceries. “Leah,” she says while bent over, tucking food away in my nearly empty fridge, “you were almost crying on the phone.”

When she stands up and finally notices me in my sweatpants, hair a mess—nothing she hasn’t seen before—zoning in on my tear-streaked cheeks.

“Was it that obvious?”

“Not to anyone but me.”

I gape, slack-jawed, a little stunned as she continues to unpack food before sitting on the floor to eat Cheerios with Levi.

“Eat your food wherever—you can stay in here with us if you want, or you can go sit on the balcony and have some space if you need that. Hell, if you need to, take off for a bit. Whatever you need is fine.”

Emotion clogs my throat. Why am I even surprised? She came and stayed with me after my accident, jeopardising her job and her relationship with Adam to help. I had to kick her out, even though I still wasn’t fully recovered.

Taking my food out to the balcony, I drag in my first full breath since picking Levi up from daycare. I let the tears flow as I sit on one of the little wooden chairs and place my food on the rickety table.

The view of the city is beautiful, and the sun is almost ready to set. I can even glimpse the ocean, the mountains looming in the background. But it’s the city skyline I focus on.

I love studying cityscapes, comfortable with the feeling of bustling people getting shit done. Of people living their lives all around me, completely separate from mine, each of us the centre of our own universe. Vancouver is a beautiful spread of tall, grey buildings, some glinting as the sunlight dances off the windows. Not to mention the bridge. There’s something about a suspension bridge that I love. Each cable is essential to keep the bridge up. Take one away and it weakens the whole structure.

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