Page 38 of Get Me to the Starting Line

But I know I’ll be carrying him from his bed tonight and snuggling him close, needing to hear the sound of his breathing and thank whatever higher being exists we’re both alive.

A thought hits me out of nowhere, and I tug on my seat belt to make sure it’s secure.

“You didn’t have any drinks at dinner, did you?” I can’t keep the panic out of my voice, causing him to turn to me and shake his head vigorously.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my heart. “Okay, good.” I can tell he wants to ask, but he’s not allowed to speak, so he doesn’t.

Do I get a little sick satisfaction from his obedience? Yes. I feel the smile tugging at my lips and I turn away from him to hide it. I don’t know if I was successful, though, and I don’t want to look back to check.

The rest of the drive is quiet. I don’t live too far, but with the Vancouver traffic on a Friday evening, the fifteen-minute drive has become thirty. And we’re not even there yet.

My leg begins to bounce. I’ve already texted Maggie to let her know I would be later than I thought, and I keep glancing back at the texts she sent.

Maggie

No worries, hun. Take as much time as you need

I mean it, if you need to stay out all night we’re happy to stay

*wink face*

I had to cover my laugh with a cough. Julien passed me a bottle of water without a word, and I took it less gracefully than I would have liked.

Stay out all night.

I haven’t stayed out all night in ... Damn. A decade? Since Ian and I lived together for so many years, there was no reason to stay out all night. And then Levi was born. Well, there’s been about as much opportunity as there is the chance I’d give up sugar for any length of time.

Zero.

That’s not entirely true though. Not the sugar part—there’s zero chance I would ever give up sugar. That’s the only thing motivating me to continue running. I read an article saying the best fuel for long runs is candy.

Sold.

No, there has been opportunity. I’ve been asked out by a colleague and every so often when I’m out with Paige, Isabel,or Dana. But it’s never felt like an option. Sex simply doesn’t entice me enough.

I want company. I want someone I can spend time with and feel comfortable being myself around—someone I can get mad at and know they’ll still love me. Someone who will love me even with all my flaws.

I need someone who will love my son.

Sex with strangers doesn’t appeal to me, and I’m never going to settle again. Not when I know epic love exists.

My sister has ruined that for me. And I’m so happy for her. I am.

Ninety percent.

But my heart hurts when I see them together and realize that’s probably not in my future. How likely is it that a perfect man is out there and will want me? Want us?

I’m so wrapped up in my spiralling thoughts, I don’t realize we’ve made it home until the truck lurches to a stop, my body held back by my seat belt.

“S-Sorry,” Julien mutters when the truck is in park.

“Hm?” I’m still a little lost in thought.

“I braked too hard.”

“It’s fine.” I unbuckle my seat belt but I don’t leave right away. What should I say? Probably thank you for the ride, but it wasn’t like I asked him. Still ...

“Thanks for the ride,” I tell him. I don’t wait for his response before flinging myself out of the truck. I did not need to put as much effort into the jump down as I thought so I stumbled but luckily did not fall flaton my face.

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