Page 46 of Get Me to the Starting Line

He nods. “My dad was worried. He took me to the doctor, had me tested.”

I brace myself. It’s too early for Levi to be examined, but it’s occurred to me an autism diagnosis could be in his future. His slower than average development and the different way he interacts—or doesn’t interact—with other people is always at the back of my mind, but I’m trying not to stress about it. I could be overreacting. All I want is to know so I can get him into the programs he needs. I need to know how to help my son. I’m jumping the gun, but I’m not okay with being unprepared.

I don’t want to pry. Well, that’s a lie—I very much do want to pry. Julien has barely talked about himself, whereas I’ve rambled on and on about my life. About Paige, Utah, work. Anything except my parents and Levi. But for once, he doesn’t make me pry.

“I wasn’t diagnosed with anything. I didn’t have the other signs. I was just a quiet kid.”

This causes my blood clot to flip my heart again. I will love my son through every part of his life, no matter what struggles he faces. As his mom, I want to protect him from everything, make his life as easy as possible.

“When did you start talking?”

“I could always talk,” he says, the words low and a bit unsure. “I would practise when I was by myself, even at a young age. I simply didn’t like talking around people.”

“Including your dad?”

“Yes.”

That answer is so loaded, but I don’t dig into it. If there’s one thing I know about Julien, it’s that he closes off at the snap of a finger. He’s sharing, and I want him to keep sharing.

“So you think Levi can say more than three words?”

“Maybe.” He shrugs. “He’s an observant kid—he takes things in.” I hadn’t realized Julien had been paying much attention to Levi.

“Is that what you were like?”

“Were?”

I smile when he looks at me, obvious humour etched into his handsome features. I think that’s the first time he admitted to making a joke. His attention falls to my mouth. Hello, blood clot.

“Leah?” a voice calls from behind me.

My stomach instantly sinks, my heart leaping into my throat, and my footsteps falter. Our run, which was barely even a run at this point, comes to a halt. Brisk walk is more like it. I inhale, taking a deep breath to prepare myself as I turn around.

“Hey, Paige.”

Paigeswivelsfrommeto Julien, who’s still pushing Levi’s stroller. Then she takes in our running clothes and my sweaty, flushed face.

Shit. I’m busted.

“What are you doing?” she asks like it’s not completely obvious.

“I’ve been ... It’s just that ... You see ...” I’m fumbling around, not sure what to say.

Mateo and I haven’t shared our plans with Paige and Adam yet—it’s supposed to be a bit of a surprise, so I can’t tell her it’s because of her. But I see the hurt written all over her face.

“We’re running,” Julien answers for me. I pin him with my glare, but he meets my anger with his calm attitude that does not match my own.

“Together? Why? Are you—” She gestures between us and I see how she might take it. Especially since Julien has the stroller.

“No,” I blurt out too quickly. I can’t see the look on Julien’s face,but he sucks in a breath.

“No, Paige,” he says a little more gently. “I’m just helping her run.”

Though I’m the one who said no first, his words sting a little. Just helping me run.

“Okay.” She looks at me as if waiting for further explanation. When I don’t give her one, she sighs. “You always said if I found you running, it would be because you were in a race against all your exes for the most delicious doughnut and you didn’t want any of them to have it.”

Julien snorts at this, but I don’t laugh. Not when she’s so hurt. She’s asked me to go running with her countless times, and I’ve always turned her down.

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