Page 47 of Get Me to the Starting Line

Even since I moved here, she’s suggested it a few times because the cooler weather makes it easier. I’ve always said no way in hell could she get me to run.

She doesn’t know sheisthe reason.

“I have a good reason,” I tell her. “But I can’t tell you.”

“You can’t tell me?”

“Nope.” My attempt at levity doesn’t work.

There’s a long pause and something dark akin to pain washes over Paige’s face.

“We don’t keep secrets from each other.” Her breathing starts coming fast.

Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit.

Our mom.

She didn’t tell us she was having surgery, keeping it a secret so we wouldn’t worry. We never got to say goodbye becauseshe didn’t make it off the table. Paige was out on a run when it happened, and I had to call her.

But she was so far away from home and the only way back was running. It traumatized her, and she wasn’t able to run for almost two years—not until she moved here and reconnected with Adam.

She’s still going to therapy to manage her triggers, and I can see she’s trying to take deep breaths. I didn’t realize it was still this bad. Julien’s eyes bounce between us, and I know he’s trying to figure out why her reaction seems so strong.

I want to defend my sister, stick up for her. This is all my fault. I should have known this would be hard for her. Secrets, no matter how small, are not something we do. Unable to stand the grief in her expression, I rush forward to wrap my arms around her, but she takes a step back.

Ouch.

My arms drop to my sides as she stares. I’m the one who triggered her, and right now, she doesn’t want my help. This is my baby sister, and I’ve hurt her. Her face is going to haunt me—my eyes well up with tears but I choke them down.

“Paige, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. It’s not a bad secret. Fuck.” I turn to Julien, who has moved closer to me. He nods in reassurance, and I take some strength from him.

I sigh. “We’re planning a surprise stag and doe weekend for you and Adam, and this jackass”—I jab a thumb at Julien—“suggested we all do a race together during the weekend since you two are crazy and love running. I wanted to be able to do the race with you, so I started running. I didn’t ask you for help becauseyou would’ve been so suspicious of why I wanted to start running without Kanye West chasing me.” My smile is weak.

She nods, understanding softening the edges of her pain, but she’s still triggered. I can’t blame her.

“I need to get home,” she says, glancing at her running watch. I forgot she comes out here sometimes to run in the city.

“Okay. Call me later?” I plead.

She nods again and leans to give Levi a kiss. With a last glance at Julien, confusion returning to her face, she continues her run.

I let out a huge breath. “Fuck.”

“Are you alright?” Julien asks, intent on assessing my face.

“No,” I breathe, immediately surprised by my honest answer.

“There’s more to this, isn’t there?”

“Yes, but it’s not my place.”

“Of course. I hope she’s okay.”

When I look up, he’s watching Paige run down the path, concern pinching his features. They’re friends, but I doubt Paige has ever had a panic attack in front of him. I bet Adam and I, and possibly her best friend Shay, are the only ones who’ve seen her like that.

“She will be. She’ll need to process—talk to Adam about it first, and then she’ll be open to talking to me.” It stung at first when she made the switch from me to Adam as her first call, but after watching them grow as a couple, I can’t blame her. He’s exactly what she needs.

Ninety-five percent happy for her.

---