Page 48 of Mercy Lake

I was surprised it took him that long to start asking questions. My four-year-old was an intelligent know-it-all, and I fully expected the inquisition that was inevitably coming. But I supposed nothing could have fully prepared me for his childlike candour.

“Like Nanny and Papa are married?”

“Yes, sleepy boy.”

“Does that mean we will live with Owen and he will be my daddy?”

“No, sleepy boy.”

“Oh.” Yawn. “He’s really nice though. And fun. And he brings oranges to soccer for us to eat.”

“Yes, sleepy boy.”

“He would be a good daddy.”

“Yes, sleepy boy.”

“Mama… I wish he wasmydaddy.”

I didn’t reply, hiding silent tears from my son, who drifted into slumber after unknowingly demolishing my world with the innocence of youth. My boy was smarter than me.

We were in Owen’s car, the ignition cut as our date came to an end. I didn’t want to leave.

Within the next couple of minutes, he left a severe branding, a lasting impression that would never be erased.

When he cradled me close and tender, I truly felt cherished, loved and above all,safe. Then, he said those words—the very ones I endlessly dreamt of.

“I love you, Alexis. So fucking much it hurts.”

That same declaration was my most precious memory, which simultaneously left the most painful echoes.

Nevertheless, that’s not what had me pause and seize up beneath his hands. Fear had me overrun because for the first time since we reconnected, Itrulywanted to say them back… And I was fucking terrified.

Owen read my hesitation and retreated, sporting the most devastating expression.

And at that moment, I regretted that I had nothing to give. No placating words, no assurances that everything was going to be okay. Because I didn’t know if it was. If that was a hurdle that I’d ever overcome. But I desperately wanted to—so fucking much.

We both apologised, and I left him with a kiss—a promise to let him know that nothing had changed between us and I wasn’t angry or upset. Only that I needed a breather from the dangerous memory I was suddenly thrust into.

He wasn’t to know that before our date, Austin had shaken me out of my honeymoon glaze, shoving me straight back into reality.

I needed time to sort through my chaotic emotions. Owen deserved someone who wasn’t going to run, someone who was going to be all in with him. And he wasn’t the only one being affected by my decisions.

I had come to a crossroads, and it was time to put on my big girl pants and push the fuck on. I wanted to be brave enough for him… For them both.

I escaped to the city for a well-needed girls weekend to spend time with Alicia and clear my head. She got me drunk instead.

It was mid-morning, Alicia and I both hungover, lazing on her massive couch as my mind wandered tohim.

Owen Ivans. My ex-husband and the love of my life.

As soon as I had arrived, I unloaded my complicated love life on Alicia, which she had decided to rehash that morning.

Not one to hold back, Alicia was strongly Team Owen, and she let me know it.

I sighed. “We have a lot to overcome, Ali. I never want to feel that type of agony again. Do you remember what I was like back then?”

“I doubt I’ll ever forget, Lex.” She drew in a long breath as if building up courage. “But I want you to be happy. You love him… still.”

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