Page 35 of Never Left You

“Is that what you do?” His voice was low, almost a whisper, but it was loud enough to hit all the right nerves. “You just…go on?”

I pursed my lips, and stared into his eyes. That deep brown that I remembered from all those years ago, still holding onto something that he had yet to let go of. I saw the hint of something there when he first arrived, but with a blink that was gone. Now here, our eyes locked, I saw it again. I wanted to reach out for him, tell him whatever he was holding on to, he couldlet it go. But before I could even move, I forced myself to stop. I didn’t think I was ready for that yet.

“Kyla’s pregnant,” I blurted out, instantly regretting my words. There were other ways to change the subject, and I had to go to that?

“That’s exciting,” He responded. “I’m sure everyone is looking forward to another little Hartwell running around.”

“I’m the only one who knows. Well—now you, and my mom suspects. Kyla hasn’t told anyone yet.”

“Why don’t you sound excited about it?”

“I am. Really, I am. It just…made me remember something.”

“What?” His voice was soft as he pressed.

I swallowed. “It just reminded me of when I found out I was pregnant with Stetson.”

“God.” Cash chuckled, leaning back into the chair, the grin wide as his fingers ran through his short hair. “I remember Sylas freaking out. He was so thrilled. He told everyone, even though you ordered him to keep it a secret for a while. Everyone in that arena knew.”

“I was so mad. Superstitions and all. I didn’t want anyone to know until we had our first appointment, and he went along blabbing it to everyone.” I couldn’t help my laugh at that memory of Sylas. I had gotten so many text messages, so many phone calls, all from cowboys and cowgirls congratulating me. It seemed everyone involved in the circuit knew I was expecting—all before even my mom and dad did.

“He was excited. Can you blame him? That man was meant to be a dad.”

I took a deep, deep breath. “He was. I think…” I paused, looking down at my feet to completely avoid Cash. “We were supposed to have more kids, you know. Sylas wanted a big family.”

He was silent for a beat, but then his voice hit my ears, almost a whisper. “Do you still want more kids?”

“Sure, but…” A hesitant chuckle broke from my lungs. “That’s impossible seeing as I’m single and most likely will be forever.” I tightened my lips, another wave of regret hitting me. “What about you?” I asked, pushing the topic to him. “Didn’t Carolyn want kids?”

Cash’s brown eyes jerked towards me, his brow twitching, the expression on his face completely unreadable. The only response I got was a quick shake to his head before his chin lowered. I struck a nerve, one I didn’t even know was there.

“Sorry I—”

“It just wasn’t in the cards for Carolyn and me, but in the long run, it’s better right?”

I heaved a sigh. “Right,” I agreed. “We’re a pair, aren’t we? I feel like we have a lot to catch up on.”

Cash nodded, silence filling the space between us. After a few moments, which felt like hours, Cash inhaled sharply and pushed himself to standing. I blinked, bringing my mug to my lips. And it was cold. I scrunched my nose, but swallowed it anyway.

“We do.” He chewed on his lip. “I’m around Abs. I never left. My number is the same and I’ll answer anytime you call. All you gotta do is call.”

“Who you gonna call?” I joked in song, defusing the awkward air between us. Maybe theGhostbusterssong would pull me from the stupor.

“I’m being serious. No jokes, no sarcasm.” He reached out and lifted my chin with his thumb and forefinger until our gazes met, and his eyes were heavy on me. “I’m here.”

He placed his hat on his head before leaving me alone on the porch.

I had one question swimming through my mind. If he said he never left—his number never changed—then why did he ignore all those texts and phone calls? I shifted, reaching in my back pocket to pull out my phone. Scrolling to Cash’s name I opened a new text thread. Years later, a new phone had erased all my attempts to contact him years ago, but I still remembered the texts.

Sylas’s funeral is on the 17th. I need you there.

Why didn’t you come? Cash…I can’t do this.

I saw the rodeo last night, I’m worried, what hospital are you in, I’ll come. I want to see you.

Cash are you ok? I don’t like the silence.

Cash….please…I need my friend.

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