Page 66 of Never Left You

“Your turn, Uncle Cash.” Stetson looked at me.

My eyes widened. “Me?” I looked down at Abi. Tears were welling up in her eyes, but she didn’t let them fall. Instead, she gave me a nod and dropped her hands.

“It’s been a while, right? Go talk to him.” She ran her hand down my back, giving me a gentle push forward.

Sylas’ stone was a long rectangle, reaching just to my waist. A soft gray that still looked new, as if five years had nothing on it. The wordsSylas Acosta, riding bulls in the skywere etched into the gray surface. Below his name were the dates, and below the dates, the engraving of a bull rider mid jump. It suited him. I half expected to have a stupid saying on it, something he would have laughed at himself. I took a quick look at the back of the stone, semi shocked to see it empty.

“What,” I whispered, feeling odd enough just being here. “No witty remark to get the last word?”

I touched the top of the stone before glancing over my shoulder at Stetson and Abi. Abi stood with her arms around Stetson’s shoulders, his body leaning into her. She gave me a nod and a reassuring smile.

“I feel weird doing this,” I admitted, “talking to a rock…but here we are. You must be so pissed at me.” I laughed, deflecting from the real emotion that wanted to break through. “I bet you’re wondering why I’m even here. Why in the world am I pretending like everything is okay when I haven’t been here for five years. You would probably give me a lecture. Tell me I was being a complete idiot, and that I needed to get my act together. Then you would laugh, call me some stupid nickname in Spanish, and then we’d ride. I miss those rides. The ones where we would take Stetson and build a fire and roast marshmallows. We would drink and talk about stupid shit. You remember those? I should take Stetson out before I leave and do that. It’s warming up enough. Plus, the fire will keep us warm.”

I glanced behind my shoulder again. Abi and Stetson had moved, their backs to me as they walked hand-in-hand back to the horses.

“He’s a good kid, you know. He helped me with the roof on the stables, and we picked out a color for the barn. Lachlan fought us, but it’s red. He fell off his horse a while back, but hegot right back in the saddle even after he said he wouldn’t. You would be proud of him. I sure am. And Abi…damn Sy if you could see her now. She’s amazing…”

I stopped. The pit in my stomach grew.

There were so many things I could say to him now, but only one thing crossed my mind. Only one thing I needed to get off my chest and into the open. But forming the words was a lot harder than thinking them.

Before I could stop them, tears began to well in my eyes, and being here…with just Sylas…I let them fall. I sniffed and blinked through them.

“I’m sorry.” I finally spoke, my own voice gravely as the pit in my stomach grew bigger. “I’m sorry I left her. I’m sorry I left Stetson. I’m sorry I…” I inhaled, “I’m sorry I…”

I fell, my knees unable to carry all my weight as I held onto his stone for support. Resting an elbow on my knee I dropped my head, and I cried. I cried as silently as I could, letting every bit of guilt and pain flow through the tears and onto the ground. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Opening up, even to a stone—to Sylas—was the one thing I never saw myself doing. And now, breaking down and coming to terms with every single fucking emotion that was flowing through my skin…I couldn’t take it anymore.

The guilt.

The anger.

The fear.

The loss.

I thought of Abi.

The love.

Everything hit like a ton of bricks.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help her through this. I’m sorry I let other things control me enough to not see what was right in front of me. I’m sorry I never said goodbye to you. I miss you…Imissed everything so much, and I want to go back to that. I want to feel that again. It feels so good to be back at the ranch. It feels like home. It feels like I could belong here with them, with her. I know I left, and I fucked it up, but I’m here now, and I want to make everything better. Starting with Abi. I want to make this right. I can see why you fell in love with her. It’s hard not to. Ever since the first time I saw her, there was this small flicker—this spark she ignited. And that never went away.

“Did she tell you I hit on her? You know I would have never admitted this while you were alive. I would have never acted upon anything, and now I’m feeling like a shit friend for more reasons than just forgetting that today is the day you died. I probably shouldn’t be feeling this way about your wife, but Sylas, I’m falling for her, every day. I want her near me. I need to feel her there. She gives me the courage and strength to get through all of this. She needs it too—I can see it, and I think…I think I can love her just as much as you did.

“I want to make her smile again. I want to take away her pain…

“I want to love her.”

Twenty-One

Abi

WhenCashcamebackto the horses after his moment with Sylas, he wrapped me in his arms and buried his face in my shoulder. He inhaled, grounding himself before pulling me back to arm’s length. His eyes were red with tears, but he gave me a soft, comforting smile. The comfort I wanted five years ago, I was getting now. He needed this just as much as I did.

The ride back from the cemetery was lighter than the ride there. I could cut the air with a knife on the way there, but back, we talked, we laughed, we smiled. Cash didn’t trail behind us like he did on the ride out; he kept Nova right next to Luna,and we talked about Sylas. We brought up memories of when he first started bull riding and how he would celebrate even though he lasted two seconds on the back of a bull. He was always celebrating, no matter what.

“I would like to think he would want us to celebrate today,” I finally said. “Not mope around thinking about how he’s not here.”

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