Page 75 of Never Left You

“I wasn’t good enough…” His voice fell. “You told me today that I belonged at that cemetery when I was telling myself I didn’t. I failed you; I failed him, and Abi—” His tone began to rise, louder and louder with each word. “I can’t fail you again. I don’t want to, ever,leave you again. I’m trying to start now to make it up to you.”

I felt my bottom lip quiver, tears still falling. I could still feel the anger surging through me, and the pounding in my heart vibrated so strongly that it felt as if it were going to come crashing through my ribs. He failed us. He knew he did. He admitted it. And he wanted to fix it. He wanted…me.

“I never knew you needed me. I never heard from you. I thought you wanted me gone.” His voice shook.

I shook my head. His hands were firm on my shoulders, helping ground me. Chewing on my bottom lip, I reached up and grabbed his neck, feeling his hair under my fingers. I just needed to feel him, to make sure that he was here. “I never wanted that. I wanted…”

“I wanted you in my life.” Cash rested his forehead against mine. “I never left you, even though I wasn’t here…Abi…I…”

“Abi?” Kyla’s voice pulled me from Cash’s semi embrace. “Are you ok?”

I took a step back and folded my arms. I looked at Cash, then back at Kyla, giving her a nod. “Yeah but…” I tried to talk, forming any words that would make the most sense. “Cash and I need to head back to the house.”

I turned without another word and walked to Cash's truck. Sitting in the passenger seat, I ran my hands down my face and watched Cash say goodbye to Kyla before walking with purpose to his truck.

He climbed in, his face solemn as he stared at the steering wheel.

“This conversation isn’t over,” he said. “Not by a long shot.”

Feeling the tears starting to well, I nodded, and he drove us back to the ranch. In silence.

Cash held my hand as he led me to the porch of the main house. The lights created the perfect glow as we each took a seat on the swing. If it were any other time, it would be romantic, but I was still crying, and Cash’s palm had grown sweaty in mine.

I wasn’t sure where to start. I had been avoiding this for a while, ignoring the feelings that were creeping up in my stomach, and look where that got me. I had gotten good at hiding my true emotions in front of people. I’d become the master at making people think I was fine and happy when every day I forced myself to be that way. No matter how hard I may try to deny it, Cash saw it. He saw moments I didn’t think anyone saw. He saw me. He wanted to make it right somehow.

And I blew up at him.

“I’m sorry—” I started.

“I’m sorry, Abi,” he said at the exact same time.

I furrowed my brow and tilted my head. “What are you sorry for? I’m the one who started this.”

Cash swallowed, his Adam’s apple moving as he clenched his jaw. “For leaving. I never meant to make you feel like I didn’t care.”

Biting my bottom lip, I took a deep breath. “How else was I supposed to take it? You were gone.”

He didn’t answer. He lowered his chin so the rim of his hat hid his eyes.

“My husband’s best friend, who I thought I was friends with, too…disappeared. I tried to call; I texted every night and even left you a few sobbing voicemails. Not once did you return my calls. Then, I saw your accident. I lost Sylas that way. I couldn’t lose you too, even if you wanted nothing to do with me.” I shifted on the swing, my fingers still laced with his. I rubbed my thumb on the back of his knuckles and noticed as his eyes found our joined hands. “So, I called, texted and called again…and silence. That’s when I decided to stop. That’s when I let go of the idea that you were still there.”

“Lachlan and Rhett came to see me.” He sniffed, raising his chin just enough that I could see tears on his cheeks. He wascrying, and I had the sudden urge to wipe them away. But I kept still. “I wanted to ask about you…but—”

“You couldn’t.” I repeated the word he had used so many times in the parking lot. Couldn’t. Couldn’t.Couldn't.

“I thought I had lost you already.”

“Well.” I squeezed his hand, and then let it go. “You kind of did.”

His eyes met mine for the briefest moment, but a wave of grief flooded him as he looked away from me.

“Why didn’t you come back? If you wanted to, why stay away?”

“You’re not going to like the answer,” he murmured.

“Try me.”

“Carolyn.” He looked at the darkness, still avoiding me. I held back my eyeroll. Now was not the time for that. I tightened my lips and waited for him to continue. “We had that fight, remember?” I nodded, remembering the day clearly. “And after that, Carolyn and I had a long talk. She said I wasn’t choosing her, that I would rather be with anyone else. I tried to make her a priority. But that meant less time with my friends.”

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