Page 76 of Never Left You

“I knew that,” I muttered, still hating the fact that I lost him before Sylas died.

“Then, after Sylas died, it was her in to get me out. She took my anger and molded it. She said so many things to keep me away, and I, still wanting to be the perfect husband for her, believed her. I tried going to the funeral. I sat in my car and watched Lachlan, Rhett, Wyatt. They carried the casket to the grave, and I couldn’t help but think I was supposed to be there, too. I was just…” He trailed off, turning his head away from me to look into the darkness.

“Mad.” I finished his sentence.

He nodded and turned back to me. “And Carolyn…she was good at manipulating me. She said if you wanted me there, youwould have called. If I was wanted at all…you would let me know. And when I got silence, I believed her.”

“But I did call you,” I interrupted.

He shook his head. “I swear to you, Abi, I would have been here if I knew. I assumed Carolyn was right. That because the link between us was gone…you didn’t care anymore.”

“The link? Sylas?”

“She said with him gone, the friendship we had was pointless. There wasn’t anything there to hold onto anymore.”

I muttered under my breath. “That’s the furthest thing from the truth.”

“It made sense. It was as if the entire Hartwell family was done with me. I didn’t hear from Lachlan for a long time, maybe two or three months after the funeral. I finally called him, and we reconnected. Come to find out Wyatt had told him about the whole chair thing, and he was respecting you. But, having him back in my life helped. Carolyn didn’t like that. Then, I had my accident, and she left.” He swallowed, the pause in his voice making me think there was more to the story, but I’d take what I could get right now. He was opening up, and I wanted to hear every word. “After she left, the rest of the story had to come out. She wasn’t happy for a while. I couldn’t give her what she wanted anymore—that lavish lifestyle. I was broken, and she made sure I knew that.”

“You’re not broken.” I placed my hand on his leg, gently moving my fingers against the denim. “Carolyn was a…” I stopped, pursing my lips. I didn’t want to talk negatively right now. I shook my head. “She can’t be the only reason why you stayed away.”

Cash’s eyes searched me. “You said you called, texted?” I nodded to his questions. “I neverevergot a call or text. Nothing. I was pretty sure that after I didn’t show up at the funeral, you were done with me.” He licked his lips, taking a deep breathbefore meeting my gaze once more. “Like I said…I failed you. I knew I did I just didn’t want to think about it.”

“Why didn’t you call me?” I asked, my voice shaking.

“Well, how I saw it, not only did I lose my best friend, but also my wife, and then you. Like I said, I was pretty sure you were done with me.”

“I wanted to be,” I admitted. “I was hurt.”

“I don’t blame you for feeling that way, but Abi…I never ever meant to cause you any kind of pain. I wasn’t lying in the bar. I hate myself for making you think that, and I am so…so sorry.”

His apology struck me. Where, weeks ago, I would have screamed ‘too little too late’ in his face, now all I saw was him, and the pain he was trying to let go of. He lost Sylas, he lost Carolyn, and…me. For a while he even lost Lachlan and Rhett. This wasn’t one sided, this wasn’t all on him or all on me—we both made mistakes. It was time to right them. I tightened my lips and slowly reached out for his hand once more. He watched as our fingers intertwined, his thumb moving against the back of my hand in slow circles.

“I was in a dark place after Carolyn left me,” he choked out. “The physical therapy and months of healing…I did it all by myself. I missed you. I wanted to reach out. I wanted to hold you and just…have you. But then I would remember what Carolyn said. That I was weak, that no one would want me after I had lost everything I was. And I convinced myself that no matter what I did, you wouldn’t want me the same way I wanted you. I had to convince myself you were happy.”

“I wasn’t. I haven’t been for a long time,” I whispered. Admitting it for the first time out loud to someone felt scary. Cash’s eyes met mine. “I’m notaloneby any means. But... I don’t have that one person anymore. He’s been gone, and the one…” I slammed my eyes shut, stopping the tears before they couldfall again. “The one person who I wanted to lean on left. I was alone.”

“I’m here now. And, Abi…” Cash shifted, his hand raising to cradle my face. “I’m sorry I ever made you feel like I didn’t care. And I know that I’ll never be able to make it up to you. But I want to. At the cemetery…”

“We don’t need to talk about the cemetery.” I leaned into his touch.

“I said goodbye to him,” he continued. “I told him I wanted to care for you. I told him I wanted to watch Stetson grow, and I wanted to…God Abi I want to figure all this shit out and—” Lowering his chin, Cash shook his head, a heavy sigh leaving his lungs. “Be there for you. Always.”

I swallowed, feeling my heart skip a beat. “We both have some things to atone for,” I whispered, taking him in. “Five years of miscommunication we have to work through. Five years of lies, and loss and heartbreak.”

“I’m willing to if you are. I meant every word Abi. I’ve always had feelings for you. And I refuse to lose you again. I may not be deserving of you now, but maybe, if you let me, I can be.”

“What are you saying?” I asked, almost terrified to know the answer.

“There’s something here, and I think—hell, I know—if we work through this, we can find what it is.”

“I’ve been trying to avoid it,” I said softly, shifting my body to face him more.

“Avoid what?” His voice was soft as he moved. His hands went from my neck to glide over my knees until our fingers twined together. The contact sent that same spark through me, and those butterflies filled my stomach again. They flew like crazy, up and down and twists and turns. All because of a single touch? No, because of him.

“These…” Damn, what I was about to say was stupid. I shot up from the porch and leaned on the railing, keeping my back to Cash. “I sound like an idiot,” I muttered. “These stupid butterflies.”

“Butterflies?” I heard him as he stood, his heels hitting the wood, and then he was next to me. He didn’t reach out for me, he just stood and waited. Looking at him, I saw everything in his eyes. Every emotion, every touch, every kiss that could be mine. If I just let it.

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