Shaking my head, I countered, “Even beyond that.”
Vivian blinked at me in surprise. “What do you mean?”
“If I’m not the father, one of my boys is. That means I’m going to step up and help him be the best damn father he can be.”
“You’re serious?”
“Absolutely.”
“But you said you hate children.”
“I do.” At Vivian’s horrified gasp, I laughed. “But those kids weren’t a part of one of my best buds. That makes a hell of a difference.”
“And what if it’s your child, Theo?” she questioned softly.
I collapsed back against the shelf opposite Vivian. “I don’t fucking know.”
She sucked in a harsh breath. “Seriously, Theo? You just said you would step up and help the other guys. Why wouldn’t you do that with your child?”
“Because it’s a lot easier to help out with a kid than to be its father. It’s like being a grandparent and playing and having funwith your grandchild and then giving them back to their parents to take care of. Where I am in life plays a big part in that.”
Vivian’s expression became concerned. “When you mentioned you lashed out at me out of fear, was it just because of what it might do to your prospects?”
Fuck. She would have to go and ask me something like that. I knew moving forward I would have to be honest with her, and that meant answering her question.
Dropping my shoulders, I exhaled a pained breath. “It was about the NHL, but not like you think.”
Vivian took a tentative step towards me. “What do you mean?”
“It’s just my parents…they aren’t like yours and Gray’s. Sometimes I think they’re as bad as B’s dad.”
“Oh, Theo, I’m so sorry.” She reached out to rub my shoulder. “How are they bad?”
“The word success is a double-edged sword in my life. Both my mom and my dad were extremely successful when they met each other. Their marriage was based on mutual success and how far their partnership could elevate them individually.”
As my chest tightened, I sucked in a harsh breath. Giving Vivian a wry smile, I said, “Neither of them wanted kids. The only reason they had me is because the head of the firm told them it would look good for their careers. You know, model family and all that bullshit. So they had me only to get further promotions.”
Vivian’s green eyes swelled with sadness. “Did they tell you that?”
“Deep down, it was always something I wondered about. When I was sixteen, I blew out my knee, and it looked like my hockey prospects might be over. My dad was drinking, and it just kinda came out. It was then I knew that their love and support were conditional on my success.”
Horror radiated on Vivian’s face. “Oh Theo,” Vivian murmured.
“Hopefully now you can see why I reacted the way I did. Knocking a woman up at twenty-three would be the biggest failure imaginable to them. Throw in the fact that it happened during a foursome, and they’d probably disown me.”
“You are so much more than your parents’ false opinion of you.” She cupped my cheek. “You are an extremely intelligent young man who is also a gifted athlete. If you’re a father at twenty-three, it will not result in your failure. You have a lot to give the world both on and off the ice.”
As I stared into Vivian’s eyes, truth radiated in them. “But you don’t even know me,” I argued.
“I know enough.”
Pinching my eyes shut, I said, “But how can you say that to me after the way I treated you?”
“Because now I understand all that vitriol was coming from a place of extreme hurt and vulnerability.”
I popped my eyes open. “I think you’re too forgiving.”
“Oh, Theo,” she murmured, before drawing me into her arms.