Page 10 of Rising

Sticking my tongue out in tease, I continued on as he fell into a deep sleep, reading until dawn, when I too fell asleep. Squeezed up into the bed next to him, I tried my best to be light as a feather, taking extra care to not hurt him with any of my movements.

I awoke to Tomoe’s sniffles and Reina’s soft voice. My eyes squinted open at the bright warm light coming through the floor to ceiling arched window. I shifted in the bed against something cold and froze. My friends went quiet in recognition that I was now awake.

“Amaia,” Reina whispered.

“No. No. No,” I mumbled. Turning over and shaking Jax’s lifeless, hard body. His arms swayed with every shake that I gave, body heavy. Tears streamed down my face with no intention of slowing anytime soon.

“No, no, no no no! No!” I wailed. My fists started banging on his chest, as if the pound of my flesh against his would pump life into a body that was long past the point of return. Reina approached, attempting to pull me away.

My body flayed wildly in defense, falling out of the bed and shoving her off like a rabid mother bear whose cub was under threat. Harley must have found her way in as I slept, opting to always settle for the night near me. She crept low to the ground, neck hanging and tail tucked, growling at Reina in warning of separating her beloved owners.

I kissed all over his face, frozen forever in a peaceful smile. One he often gave me after reassuring me on my toughest of days. A way of letting me know in his last moments he hadn’t suffered, but took comfort in the warmth my body had provided.

Wailing in a way I didn’t know was possible, I fell to my knees, leaving myself completely vulnerable to what remained of the family I had found and valued more than anything this life had to offer.Another loss, another loss where I was completely useless and unable to prevent the worst from happening.

I should have been there; I should have sucked up my exhaustion and gone out with him and Seth. Usually I did. But I’d worked twenty days straight with no rest and Jax assured me I needed at least twenty-four hours to myself to be an effective leader without clouded judgment.Always my voice of reason, always recognizing my limits often before I did.

Tomoe and Reina approached me slowly, bringing me to my feet and guiding me towards my own quarters, my hands intertwined with theirs. The short walk back left me exposed to the onslaught of stares and gaped mouths.

Let them look. Let them talk and news spread.I didn’t want to be the one to announce it myself. My role required it. Made me make others aware of those who have passed on to the other side when they were amongst my ranks or a casualty of the world outside these walls. Not today. Today I would let my emotions convey what my words could not.

Compound first, except this one time.

* * *

In the hazeof my thoughts, I hadn’t realized Tomoe had stripped me from my shoes and clothes while Reina had drawn water for the wooden tub. The stone walls chilled the air of my bathing room. I let the water burn my skin as I dropped in, staring straight ahead.

Submerging myself under the scalding water, I let my lungs burn, forcing myself to stay under for as long as I could hold. The shadows of my friends faded away, leaving me for some privacy. I was willing to bet they hadn’t gone farther than my room, worried about what I would do next.

Using my fire magic, I willed the fireplace in the middle of the center wall to light, further heating the water and the room. I wanted to feel every bit of the heat, to distract myself from the pain of everything else.

An hour later, I emerged from the bath and walked out of the bathing room into my sleeping quarters, allowing the water to drip off my naked body. I didn’t care about drying off, nor did I care about covering up for the sake of others. I just wanted to be in my bed, needing to be comforted in the smell of Jax on his side of the thick, red oak poster bed.

My friends parted, letting me pass through, immediately soaking the light blue cotton sheets. They positioned themselves on either side of me, Reina pulling Jax’s favorite hoodie over my head, pulling my arms into it. Then pulling the sheets up to cover the rest of my body. I allowed them to embrace me as my heart fell into two.

Morning faded into the afternoon, and soon the bright sky turned to black through the window. Reina and Tomoe left to attend Council meetings and make arrangements for Jax around midday. They returned around dinner time, trying to get me to eat as they pretended to sip the vegetable soup in their own bowls, offering me their corn bread as a lackluster way to cheer me up in whatever way they could.

They attempted making small conversation, filling me in on the details of the day. Jax’s funeral would be Wednesday, as was the tradition in The Compound. It signified the end of a rough start of a week and the start of a more promising beginning. Jax had ironically been the one to start the concept of it. When it felt like the weight of the world was crashing in on me, he’d always tell me to give myself until Wednesday to pout, and then put on a new face and attack the resolution of my problems.

A promise that after Wednesday, things could only get better. Seventy-two hours to wail, cry, scream, laugh, get it all out. Something in me told me that wouldn’t work, not this time.

I laid in bed for days without sleeping. Every time I closed my eyes, Jax’s cold, lifeless body stared back at me. A body without a soul attached, empty.

Hot. The days had become scorching. After the initial cooling period and all the smoke had cleared, the hole in the ozone only allowed Earth to warm faster than anyone could anticipate. The days were blistering hot and the nights cold. Weather was a funny thing now, doing as it pleased and dancing in The Before scientists’ faces.

Wednesday came around, and Moe was the first to enter my quarters. Dressed in a long black dress with bulky straps, a slit going up to her mid-thigh, and chunky black heels to complement her slender tawny legs.

“Hi,” she whispered.

“Hi,” I said back, shifting upright in the bed. “How are you?”

“I should ask you the same thing,” she huffed in a breathy voice laced with laughter.

Knot in my chest, I looked at my dear friend, here to comfort me in her own way.

“I brought you something.” Her face turned sinister, “Promise not to tell Reina. She’ll have my head with Wrath itself.”

My eyebrows lifted, deciding to engage in whatever she had to offer.

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