Page 104 of Rising

It dawned on me. Amaia had said nothing at all, had hardly reacted to the revelation, but towards my grief instead. I could feel her guilt from here.

Amaia

Reina’s voice echoed through the room, her eyes wide with emotion. “You’re not even reacting. Why aren’t you upset? Why doesn’t she seem upset?” She motioned towards me.

“You knew?” Seth asked, his voice laced with fury as he slowly turned to face me, eyes still glancing back towards his sister. We all felt our magic slowly returning, and he was smart enough to know now would be a terrible time to turn his back on her.

Reina let out an exasperated sigh, filling the eerie silence that had settled around us. Her eyes bore into mine, and I thought I saw a glimpse of understanding. Her face twisted with betrayal as she stepped forward. Fists curled at her sides.

I braced myself, expecting her to strike me, preparing myself to take it. Instead, she stopped short of me. “Why?” she hissed, her voice low and dangerous.

Taking a deep breath, I met her gaze, trying to convey the sincerity of my words. “Because I had to protect you,” I said, barely above a whisper.

“You didn’thaveto do anything, Amaia. You chose to. That’s the thing about you, you always think youhaveto do something. But you constantly confuse the words want and need,” she ground out, closing in on the space between us. The ferocity in her voice fierce, the sound of it a slap to the face.

Alexiares had been hovering nearby, inching closer, ready to step between me and whatever he assumed was an immediate threat, even if it meant his new family. The tension filling the room.

My hand found hold on his arm, halting his advance. I didn’t need his protection. Didn’t want it. He grumbled, shaking me off and pacing towards the corner of the room, glowering as he watched the scene unfold.

“I had my suspicions, but no concrete proof. As a general, everyone close to me was a suspect at some point.My family. What was I to do? Throw you all in jail? Resort to interrogation and torture? There’s six of you, three with high clearance and one of those people is already dead. My options were limited.”

Tomoe stepped forward, anger seeping in every movement. “The kind that gets us in this situation to begin with. You put the whole damn Compound in danger, letting him walk around and gain intel. Making plans and orchestrating entire missions!” Her words echoed as if speaking for both her and Reina. I looked at them, their faces contorted into expressions of betrayal and anger.

I sighed. “I did what I had to do, with the information that I had on hand. And now we have to deal with the consequences, for that, I apologize. Truly. No one at The Compound was in any real danger. I had my suspicions, but the only way I’d ever get the truth was if I let him show me his ass himself. I couldn’t tell you Reina,” I turned to my friend, my sister. “Because even through the bullshit and fighting, no one knows you better than your brother. No one knows your tells more than him.”

The words hung heavy in the air, the room now silent. Reina’s anger was palpable, radiating off her like heat waves on the sweltering summer days we’d grown accustomed to. “Seth was responsible for routing half of those men you sent out to assist the others.San Diegowent down because of him.”

“I couldn’t ever ask you to keep something like this from your brother, your own flesh and blood.” I said softly, her anger dissipating as quickly as it had come. “After all you two have lost … If I was wrong, your own suspicions would have broken you, Reina. Would have undone every beautiful, and pure thing about you. And Seth wasnotresponsible for that. Riley was. Though something tells me his men allowed him into their minds and that’s what damned them all.”

A shiver ran through Seth’s body in confirmation, his heading drooping in shame.

“And Tomoe,” I said, grabbing her shoulders, forcing our eyes to connect.

“You weren’t wrong. It wasn’t just you. I saw things too. Signs,” she whispered.

I looked at her with a heavy heart. “No, this is my burden to bear.”

There had always been a connection between them beyond friendship. They’d kept their feelings to themselves but it had been painfully obvious to everyone around them. No one had understood why, not until now.

“I had to keep my suspicions to myself.” I explained to Tomoe, my tone heavy with regret. “If I acted on them prematurely, I might have jeopardized your chance at happiness. It’s not that I don’t trust you either, Moe. Don’t think that for a second. But you love him. Love can be a powerful force, and in the worst of circumstances, it can blind us to the truth. He knew that,” I spat at him, “He knew we love him, and let it blind us all.”

Her expression was unreadable as she listened to my words. I could tell she was struggling to take it all in, to process everything. It was a lot.

“Loved,” she said finally, her eyes cold, unyielding. She glared at him as he stepped near, outreaching a hand, to comfort her. She let it hang in the air.

I could feel her disappointment. It was like a knife twisting in my gut. I’d let her down, and there was no denying it. But I knew what I’d done had been best, even if it meant keeping the truth from them both.

“Love. And more than anything Moe, I wanted to be wrong so bad. So fucking bad. Desperately, but I wasn’t. I know I should have told you, but I thought I was doing the right thing.”

“This would have been his pick.” I saw the reflection in her eyes as she focused on pulling a vision of our initial argument over my decision.

Tears welled in my eyes as the memory of him in those last moments flooded my mind. He would have been the one to give Seth a chance to prove himself, to extend the benefit of the doubt. He’d valued their relationship, would’ve hoped, prayed, even though it had been his brother to be the one to betray him.

I also knew he would’ve argued bringing him with us on such a journey would be the safest bet. It didn’t feel that way at the moment, but it was true. If he was here, with us, then he wasn’t there gathering intel to share, or risking more lives. Compound first.

He was here, under my watch. And now Alexiares’ watch too. We could keep Reina and Moe safe if we had to.

“This would have beenhispick.” I confirmed. The results of which would haunt me for years to come.

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