Page 17 of Rising

Today, I would begin my journey forward. Mentally, I tried to arrange my thoughts. I had always been a planner, even through the issues I had with my mental health during The Before. When I finally felt that I was in the place to get out of a slump, I needed a plan of action.

So, I would start small. Today, I would go visit Jax’s grave and attend dinner with my family.I can do this.With a heavy heart, I made a silent vow to keep fighting, no matter how hard it might be, no matter how much longer it may last.

* * *

Draggingmy feet against the sun-warmed wooden floors, I made my way to my bathing room. Taking a peek in the mirror, I studied my reflection. My curly hair was a bird’s nest on the top of my head, tangled and wrapped around the scrunchie I hadn’t removed in weeks. Dark circles haunted my eyes and framed my now gaunt face. I’d never had an appetite when I was upset and that hadn’t changed, even though my survival was now based on my strength.

Sleep had never been my friend in The Before either, and that certainly hadn’t changed these last few weeks. I looked like shit and smelled even worse. My nose scrunched up, finally taking in the stench that circled my body.They must love me.I wasn’t sure how my family had been able to tolerate being around me in this state. They were troopers, that’s for sure.

My body shivered at the quick change in temperature and my lack of clothing. Promptly, I sent a flame to the fireplace and pulled my oversized t-shirt over my leaned-out body. Entering my tub, I decided to embrace the chill as the water poured from the ceiling. Shivering from the shock, I waited for the tub to fill completely before using my magic to heat the water to my preference.

I reached to my left and grabbed the shampoo bar that was left untouched for longer than I’d care to admit. With thick, coiling curls, this was going to be more than a one day job for it to be back presentable. But baby steps.

My eyes swelled with tears, realizing how much I had let my body, my appearance that I had once been so proud of, deteriorate. I dipped my head back, allowing the warm water to soak my scalp, gently lathering the shampoo in. Slowly, I guided my fingers in small circular motions, remembering how my mom used to wash my hair as a child, taking comfort in the familiarity. I rinsed and repeated twice more and then grabbed for the conditioner bar next.

I let it sit on the ends of my hair as I took my brush and gently untangled my hair, fingers shaking, a whine leaving my trembling lips. Maybe it was vain, but I wanted my first appearance in public again to reflect that I hadsomeaspects of my life under control. There was no hiding the hollowness of my face, nor the leanness of my body. The circles under my eyes were outright terrifying, but maybe I could hide some of it behind my hair.

A quick rinse revealed my initial thoughts had been correct. I still had some more work to do, but I would worry about that another day.Small steps, Maia, small steps.I allowed the tub to drain, hating the feeling of shampoo and conditioner on my body. I lathered my body with soap and then stood under the aqueduct that allowed the water to flow freely from the ceiling, pulling the lever down as I rinsed off.

Grabbing my towel, I made my way to my wooden armoire. It was August now. The days were pretty warm from what I could tell each time I looked out the window and saw the attire of those out in The Pit and what my friends wore when they had come to check on me.

Given the fact that I planned to spend part of my day outside the walls, I should’ve probably rode on the line of practicality when it came to getting dressed. Problem was, I couldn’t bring myself to care. I didn’t plan on taking a stroll through the woods or going on a patrol route, so I grabbed the first thing that stood out. Something that exuded a sense of confidence.

I walked back over to the tub and took a seat on one of the steps leading up to it. Reina had laid out an array of homemade body butters on the edge, the girl took skincare during an apocalypse oddly serious. My dry skin thanked me as I put it on, pulling on my black cargo shorts next, followed by a matching black crop top. I opted to make up for the loss of practicality in weaponry. Securing two of my personal Glocks, and my throwing knives in my drop leg holsters. My socks and boots were last before I tossed my head over and scooped my curls back into the bun I had removed only an hour before.Guess everyone will see it all.

Taking a deep breath, I moved from my bathing room, through my sleeping quarters, and out into my study. Everything that needed my attention was put in three neat stacks, more than likely divided by what was critical, urgent, and what could wait. I felt a tinge of guilt while silently thanking Riley, knowing he’d been the one to sort through them all, saving me a bit of time. I wouldn’t put it past him to have known, somehow, someway, that I was slowly coming from a cloud of darkness and out into a new dawn.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I went to the door and opened it without hesitation. Opening for the first time in months, by my own hand. It took my eyes a moment to adjust to the sunlight. Every soldier training in The Pit had now turned my direction, as if the small squeak in my door hinge had been broadcasted over an intercom. Uncomfortable under all the scrutinizing attention, I kept a quick pace with Harley in tow, keeping to the path on the outer edges and crossed onto the courtyard that served both the Scholar Building and The Pit. The sneers and scoffs from some of the soldiers didn’t go unnoticed, but I couldn’t blame them, although Harley released a few snarls in warning to a few.

I had abandoned them after a major event that had killed many, and left all survivors but a few injured. And for that, I wouldn’t fight it if they wanted me replaced entirely. I would merely accept my fate. Do my best to be of use somewhere else, whether it be here at The Compound, or somewhere outside these walls.

The acceptance of my position came after the complete failure of my predecessor. He’d died out there due to his own ignorance and overconfidence, and walked us straight into an ambush. Ultimately attempted to abandon our unit for his own self-preservation. He’d died a coward, and we didn’t bother to bring his body back. Not for a traitor.

I’d acted quickly, recalling my father’s stories from his tours in Afghanistan and my general understanding of history, and admittedly a little of fantasy war scenes. Every last one of my comrades made it home, even though it had nearly cost me my own life. Well, everyone except for the General.

I didn’t see any of my friends as I made my way through. Seth was also nowhere to be found.Good.I wasn’t yet ready to face them.

It was a bright day, cloudless, which meant the heat was almost unbearable. Every ray of sun that hit my skin almost burned my only thankfulness to the weather, being that we didn’t have to suffer the humidity of the south.

As I made my way to the North Gate, I found myself trying to take in the details, wanting to see how the place had held up. Seth had come by a few times, briefing me on a few Pansie attacks a few miles from The Compound near the border. Nothing major, and no deaths, only a few minor injuries. He seemed to have things under control for the most part. There hadn’t been any attacks in the last two weeks, which meant his Scholar gene had allowed him to communicate with others and fill in any gaps or make adjustments accordingly. I’d make a point to set up a meeting with him later in the week, but everything I’d seen suggested things were under control.

The massive concrete walls that surrounded The Compound rose twelve feet high and six inches deep, my first initiative after I was appointed General. The previous one supported metal walls. His arrogance left us vulnerable, deciding to ignore my requests for improvement. They were prone to erosion, which meant they would weaken the harsher the elements got. Our weakest point of entry now would be our gates during a shift change or while they were being opened for trade. I had placed watch guards sporadically, at the top of the walls to accommodate for it.

The soldiers eyed me, noses scrunched as I approached, inevitably curious about what I had to say.

“Good to see you, General. Where are you off to today?” Mohammed asked, one of Riley’s most trusted.

“I’ll be headed out to The Graves for a bit. No need for concern,” I replied, trying to appear as confident as possible.

“Will you need an escort, ma’am?” he inquired as the soldier to his right shifted uncomfortably. I didn’t know her name, but she looked familiar.Ah, that’s right, Unit A.She was there during Jax’s attack. A recent recruit and, if her presence here meant anything at all, a damn good one. Riley trusted few at North Gate.

“That’s not necessary,” I stated, wanting privacy, and turned towards the woman. “Happy to see you made a full recovery,” I offered as she gave me a tense nod with a half-assed smile.

I wasn’t hurt by her display. I deserved it, after all. She had likely lost a lot during the past few months and I hadn’t come to check on her. Something in prior times I made a point of doing. Ensuring that every one of my men and women recovered and were in a good enough place to go back in service.

“Open the gates, Private Collins, Sergeant Amin.”

I released a breath as Riley saved me from this uncomfortable interaction. I turned to him, trying to meet him eye to eye, though my height rarely allowed me to do so with anyone, male or female. Every emotion poured across his face, but no words left his mouth. I knew in that instant he would be coming with me, if nothing else, but as my shadow.

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