Page 18 of Rising

Tilting my head, I offered him a slight smile. I wanted to simultaneously punch him in the gut for hovering, but also hug him for being a great friend.

The gates opened, and we stepped through, out into the open and on our own, but I would never feel unsafe with him by my side, or at my six.

* * *

We exitedthe North Gate and passed the abandoned Monterey Bay Aquarium with Harley a few feet ahead, enjoying the open space to roam. The only sound was the crash of the waves against the rocks and the crunch of the ground beneath our boots. I pretended not to notice the concerned glances Riley threw my direction, still waiting for me to be the first to speak.

I wasn’t ready to give in, continuing the half mile to what was once Harbor Seal Lookout, now the place where we lay our fallen to rest. There were delicately carved headstones throughout. Jax had made it where loved ones were able to request earth elementals to craft during arrangements if there weren’t any that were close enough to the dead to make themselves.

I paused, suddenly feeling overwhelmed and questioning if I was strong enough to do this. To be here. I didn’t even know where to begin my search. There were hundreds of gravestones here. We didn’t lose many for the size of The Compound, but every death was certainly felt.

Riley grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze, guiding me towards where he knew Jax would be. He kissed his hand and touched the snake shaped headstone, matching the tattoo that went up Jax’s forearm. I glanced down, giving him a moment of privacy, noticing one of my own tattoos.Memento mori.

Remember, you will die.

As the tears burned my cheeks, Riley backed away, giving us some distance for me to do whatever it was the hell I had convinced myself I was here to do. Harley let out a low whine and circled the base of the tombstone a few times before plopping down, whines escaping every few breaths.

I didn’t know what I was doing here, what I was looking for, what I hoped I would gain or feel from visiting. I just knew I had to come. I had lost people before, a friend lost to an accident, another an innocent bystander, wrong place, wrong time. Grandparents, a cousin. Xavier. Sammy. My father. I wouldn’t let myself think about my mother. While the latter didn’t have a grave to visit, the first few did, and I went as often as I could in their memory. But this felt different somehow.

Visiting a gravesite or a memorial of a loved one to pay your respects was such a common thing in The Before. A way to remember their life and find comfort in their memory. I found no comfort here, only despair. And rage.

What should have been a meaningful or therapeutic experience only fueled the fire under my ass. I wanted vengeance. I wanted to make whoever did this to him suffer. And I hated myself for letting it take this long for me to reach this point, and hated myself for not being there to protect him in the first place.

I knew there wasn’t a wrong or right way to grieve. Everyone did so in their own way, but with the rage I felt built up in my chest, I prayed I wouldn’t let it consume me when the time came for justice. I wanted to be levelheaded, sane when I found out the truth. I wanted to make a logical decision that would prevent whatever anarchy was forming from spreading.

But with a long, spiraling road of healing ahead and no way to release all of my anger, I just felt lost. In the process of trying to rein in my rage, I felt another emotion take back over. Sadness, and suddenly I realized navigating this deep sea of grief was going to be a longer journey than I was ready to accept.

I felt my fire power boiling under my skin, ready for me to release it, when I felt a tight squeeze on my shoulder. I knew who it was without turning around, and my power disappeared as quickly as it arrived, not wanting to hurt an extension of myself. Instead, I released my feelings the way most would before magic. I cried. Riley came down to his knees and brought me into his lap, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer.

“It’s okay, Amaia,” he said softly. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need, my sister, I’ll do my best to help.”

I sniffled, leaning into his body, feeling the warmth and comfort he was offering up, knowing this level of vulnerability was hard for him and appreciating it that much more. “I don’t know what to do, Riley,” I said, breath shaky. “I feel so lost.”

“I know,” he replied, rubbing my back soothingly. “But you don’t have to figure it out on your own. We’ll face this together, all of us. No matter what happens, I’ll always be here. Till death comes for us, together we’ll go down.”

I took a meditating breath and slowly let it out, feeling some of the tension in my body start to release. A sense of ease came over my body, knowing he was right, that I wasn’t in this alone. I just needed to accept help from the ones that loved me most, to find the strength to get through whatever challenges lay ahead.

As if the word challenge had been a request from whatever higher power lived above, Harley stood posture forward, tail twitching high. A low throaty groan sounded from our rear, then another, and another. We shot to our feet, shocked to be faced with three Pansies not yet aware of our presence. Harley looked at me, awaiting direction as I signaled for her to lie down and remain silent. She obeyed.

We crouched down, attempting to stay hidden, another shape amongst the headstones, scouting out the area further to see how many we’d have to face. The stench of rotted fruit mixed with rotted meat overtook our nostrils, even from a distance. My nose scrunched up as I faced Riley, ready to make a snarky comment.

“Look,” he mouthed, directing my attention back towards the enemy. My jaw dropped as the rotting creatures faced each other, engaged in conversation.

Communicating.Impossible.Pansies did not communicate. It was believed that they traveled in mindless herds. While I had always held the belief that there may be people deep down still in there, I’d never expected communication as being a possibility. This was new.Had they been playing us? Pretending to be simple-minded in our presence as some larger scheme? Impossible.

We watched for a few more minutes as the three male figures continued interacting. As my shitty luck had it, two deer crossed into our path, unaware of the danger a few feet away as they moved freely, hooves crunching against the ground. Perfect timing in synchrony with the wind just as it changed directions and picked up, I froze. The Pansie facing our direction nostrils pulled up as much as his grayish purple rotted face would allow, picking up on all of our scents . His eyes locked on us. An ear-piercing screech rang from his throat, and the two at his side swiveled around at an inhuman level of speed.

I was on my feet within half a second. Riley at my back and Harley at my side ready to attack, as the rest of The Pansies’ eyes landed on our bodies like we were their next meal ticket. Riley grabbed my arm and shoved me behind him, ready to place himself between me and death.

“I got this,” I commanded in a cold, detached voice. The voice of a general.

My soldier stood down without question and I signaled for Harley to stay put.

Three hundred yards. Two hundred fifty. Two hundred. One hundred fifty.

I raised my left arm, willing to play a bit with death, knowing damn well I was right-handed and this was not proper form. None of that mattered. The sound of thunder rang out, and two of them fell in a matter of seconds, bodies hitting the ground with a thud.

As quickly as I drew my gun, it was back in my holster and my throwing knife was now within my grasp. I flipped it in my hand and let out a guttural yell as the remaining Pansie closed in on his final fifty yards. My knife flew, hitting him in the middle of his forehead.Bingo.

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