Small rations of the food we’d been served were wrapped in plastic wrap at the top of her bag. A few canteens of water, an unreasonably large thermo sweater, some socks, an extra pair of men’s shoes, some of her medical supplies and extra tips for her bow and arrow.
“You’re trying to find him,” I said, my head tilting to the side trying to figure out how to approach this gently on a loose cannon. “Reina, it’s been weeks, he’s back with your father.”
Not going to lie, I was out of touch with the gentle side of supporting a friend. Not that I’d ever known that in my lifetime. My father had made sure of it. Each one of my mom’s gentle touches toward Evander or me earned her a less than gentle lash of her own.
Alexander Drakos would not have weak, soft-hearted men for sons. Not even when they were children or sick or in need of their mom’s comfort. So I’d kept my mom at a distance. Always there to protect her, keep her safe. But I would not let my mom dote on me, love on me. I knew she loved me. Loved us. That wasn’t theproblem. No, the problem was that I feared her love for my brother and me would get her killed.
Some people didn’t get the privilege of knowing softness, kindness in this life. I’d learned early on that if I kept my knuckles bloody and my tongue sharp, then people would be afraid of hurting me. Of hurting the few people in this world I cared for. For the most part, that was true. Everyone feared me, and I couldn’t say I didn’t enjoy it. They say when everyone fears you, you have no one to fear except for the ones who don’t.
My father had never been afraid of me. In fact, I was certain he viewed his beatings and my resistance as entertainment. Then came Finley. She hadn’t feared me for one fucking second.
“You don’t know that,” she snapped, her icy blue eyes narrowing.
“It’s what makes logical sense,” I pressed. “Why would he hang around here? There’s nothing left for him, just like he said.”
Maybe my words were harsh, but I had the belief that sometimes people needed the tough truth to snap back into reality. Something she so clearly had slipped from.
“That’s not true,” she said, snatching the bag back from my grasp. “He has us. He just has to see it. If I can find him, I can convince him to?—”
“I don’t know your brother—or any of you—they way you do, Reina. What I’m saying is, objectively the one thing I noticed immediately about him is that he doesn’t appear to be the type that you can convince of anything. Especially once his mind is made up.”
“He’s my brother, Alexi.” Her voice was soft, muted. Nothing more than a whisper lost against the wind.
“Your brother was dead the second he left these walls. Whether it be the cold and snow, the Pansies, or Amaia—he is dead. You need to understand that.” I stepped closer, trying to match herhushed tone.
It was imperative that I drove this point into her mind before some of the less sympathetic citizens caught wind of what she was attempting to do. They already thought she was a traitor by relation; this would only make matters worse. Selfishly enough, part of me needed her to pull herself together because, like each of us, if one part of our plan failed, it all failed. And she was an essential piece to the puzzle.
“And Amaia gets to what? Play God now?” Reina spat back. “Decide who lives and dies? Whose betrayal can be forgiven and whose is treasonous?”
“You don’t mean that,” I said, arguably somewhat defensive over the woman who’d become a pain in my ass.
She was a lot of things, and deserved a decent amount of pushback on the bullshit she did on the daily, but this wasn’t one of those things. She only wanted to keep her people safe, this wasn’t about her or being power hungry. Amaia couldn’t give less than two fucks about that, that much I knew to be a fact. Everybody has a version of a story that is told, but only the objective observer would know the truth.
“Oh, but, Alexi dearest, I truly, truly do.”
“Isn’t that what you all made her be? Forced her to become?” I asked, challenging her to think outside ofherside of the story. “Is that not the soldier you were begging for, trying to bring out of her when I arrived at The Compound?”
Reina for once in her damn life was quiet, her blue eyes lined with tears as they widened in contemplation.
“Every one of us has done some nasty things, kept some terrible secrets that all led us here. To this exact place in time. Each one of our actions madethisversion of reality possible. You, Tomoe, Amaia, all kept secrets from each other. Harbored information that could have stopped this all.”
She took a step back, not a fan of the collective blame. “I’m well aware of that, thanks.”
“If you’re aware, then cut the shit. Your brother is the reason someone close to you is dead, the reason people at The Compound won’t ever see their loved ones again. Your brother did that. Your father appears to be responsible for it all. I know you see how they all watch you.” Reina glanced up, pulling at her hair. “I know how it feels, because they look at me like that too. The difference is, you have a chance to make it stop.”
“How?” she asked, her sorrowful, tear-filled eyes meeting mine.
I sucked in a whisk of air, trying to fight off the sadness flowing from her body as I gently placed a hand on her shoulder. Wiping the tear slowly creeping down her face in a familiar way, I thought about my next words carefully. Truth was, I didn’t have an answer for that. Hadn’t quite figured it out myself, but fuck it, fake it till you make it.
“By being better than them,” I said, forcing calmness into my tone. “Help us make this fragile-ass plan fall in place. We need you. You’re the only one who’s got a chance of making sure our alliances form and remain. Against Covert, we’re only as strong as the weakest territory. If one falls, we all fall. It’ll all trickle down.”
Her reddened lips moved side to side. “You sound like her.”
This time there was no malice in her tone, no bite. Only a lonely girl who now existed in a world without any ties to the family she adored and had been betrayed by the one she’d grown to love.
I let out a huff, half chuckle, half exhaustion. “The thing is, Reina, it’s not possible for betrayal to come from your enemies. You expect to be blindsided by them and you plan for it accordingly. But when it’s someone you care about, someone you think cares about you … that’s what makes it a betrayal. You aren’t helping anybody by sitting here, harboring hate for someone who loves youverymuch. She did what she had to do because she loves you. Isn’t that what you did for your brother? Pick your fucking chin up, own all the bullshit, and let’s go. Moe has news.”
Damn, I’m good.