Page 40 of Echoes of War

I backed away, not ready to commit. I hadn’t been with someone since Jax, and while I wasn’t a stranger to sex, part of me wasn’t sure I was ready to know what it would feel with someone else.

With Alexiares, if it happened, it would mean something. What it would mean, I wasn’t yet sure, just knew there would be no going back. No stopping what was happening between us.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, not sure what else there was to say as I drew my hand back to my side.

He rolled over. “Sorry or selfish?”

A pang stormed through my heart. His words weren’t harsh; they were not intended to hurt me. They were rather an expression of the hurt I’d placed upon him with my teasing and indecisiveness. Alexiares was not speaking of being physically intimate, but instead the lack of emotional intimacy I provided. After a mere few weeks of the obvious tension, things had gone from simmering between us to a full-on mage flame.

An hour passed, his breaths turned shallow, and I knew he’d fallen asleep. I turned onto my back, wishing the burn of a strong drink was seeping into the pits of my soul. That was the shitty thing about the truth, it usually fucking hurt.

Alexiares

Her breathing was soft, even, deep. Still asleep,perfect. The last few days hadn’t gone according to plan. We’d both said things we wish we could take back. I had at least. Who knows what went through her mind? She always found a way to let me in, but not too much.

It didn’t matter; nothing wasn’t going to stop me from executing the plan for today. I slid out of bed carefully. She was a light sleeper, and I wanted every moment of today to be a surprise. To see some of that light slip back into her eyes. I was no Riley, but I was something, damn it.

Reina, Tomoe, Abel, and hell, even Sloan had given me the go ahead on first dibs of the birthday girl. She wasn’t as uncared for as she believed herself to be. Yeah, she got on everyone’sdamn nerves, but they all still loved her with a passion. And if I wasn’t careful with my thoughts, I was starting to think maybe I did, too.

The door betrayed me as I tip-toed back in from the kitchen. Her eyelids fluttered, and she shifted her weight in the bed.

“Good morning,” I whispered gently as I shook her awake.

She let out a half groan, half growl. “Is it? Because the sun isn’t even up yet.”

I chuckled. “Yeah? How would you know? You haven’t even fully opened your eyes yet. It is, by the way, just tucked behind the impending storm. Which is why you need to get upnow,” I insisted.

“Why?” she asked, tossing a pillow at my face playfully. “What happened now?”

“It’s December 16th, your birthday.”

That caught her attention, and she sat up in the bed, “I never told you?—”

“Besides your incredibly Sagiterrorist behavior, Reina’s been gushing about it all week. ButIget first dibs. Come on, let’s go.”

A faint smile fought to claim her beautiful lips. “You called dibs on me?”

“Yeah … who wouldn’t?” I shifted in place, slightly uncomfortable with this rare moment of vulnerability. “Is that … okay with you?”

The smile won, her big doe eyes crinkled around the sides. “Yes. Yes, it is.”

I sat in the living room waiting for her to get dressed, my knee shaking as I tapped my foot against the floor. I’d never in my life done something special for anyone’s birthday, except for Evander. And that had been in secret. Our father wasn’t a fan of celebrations. Our own mother never acknowledged the day in fear of what that might mean for us. In the immediate After, in my life before my Monterey family, to say it had never been the time or place to celebrate such was anunderstatement.

Finley had barely acknowledged her own birthday, let alone mine. This was different though. A possible turning point in what little time we had left.

I glanced down at the thermos full of coffee I had prepared while she was asleep and at the sad sack of sandwich wrapped in cloth.This is stupid, I thought, reaching out to swipe it and hide them somewhere. I didn’t get the chance. She emerged from the bedroom. Her usual cargo pants and fitted turtleneck hugged her figure. She looked delectable. I tore my gaze from her curves, not wanting to make her uneasy with my lingering eyes.

I stood up, walking over toward her with my crappy version of a gift, “Three cubes of brown sugar and a splash of milk. Sorry, they don’t have the fancy shit you like.”

“You know my coffee order …” Her cheeks went flush at the gesture.

“I mean,” I stammered out, “I’ve only been around you for a few months at this point. Kind of hard not to. Anyway, it’s not a blueberry muffin, but I’m hoping the blueberry jam will make up for it. Reina made it for you. She’s pissed she couldn’t give it to you herself, but she’d only slow down our plans for the day with her birthday obsession.”

That got a true laugh out of her. I had only seen the anguish in Reina’s eyes when we spent her birthday on the run a few months back. The real birthday monster had come alive this last week with all the planning. A fact about her that Amaia was clearly aware of.

“Thank you,” she said. “I don’t know what to say.”

I shrugged it off. “Don’t worry about it.”

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