Page 58 of Echoes of War

Jax was as known throughout these parts as I was, but of our relationship, that was something kept close to home and for good reason. When you love someone, and people know about it, they can be used against you.

“My fiancé,” I corrected. “Few people knew outside of Monterey. But yes. They were close. If anyone knew Jax as well as I did, it would be her. Every morning at The Compound, they would spar together then head to breakfast. He never discussed the extent of their conversations with me. I can say with full confidence that they opened up to each other at a level that I envied. I knew Jax inside out, but some things, I don’t think he shared with anyone but her. Not on purpose, not to keep me out. There are some thoughts you only share with certain people, you know? We’re all family, but he filled in that sibling void in her life that she had lost. Jax was kind, warm,” I smiled to myself.

“One of those people you meet that you can tell had a hard life but fought to make something of themselves, not letting the past burden them. He had this way about him that made everyone feel understood, and the man she loved took the other man she loved from her. That’s a hard hit, and I wasn’t there for her when it happened. I made her grieve through that alone, but Seth stepped up to the plate. Comforted her under false pretenses. I don’t blame her for not being able to get over that, for not being able to see your face without seeing him. I see it, too, when I look at you.”

Sloan sat back, tracing the outline of her hand against her thigh. “How do you go from a man like that to the man who’s lying in your bed?”

She was talking about Jax in comparison to Alexiares now, not Seth. I didn’t need to ask for clarification to make the distinction between her tone when she spoke of Alexiares versus the otherpeople that had wronged her in life. This was a grudge I didn’t ever foresee her moving past, and I wouldn’t ask her to.

“You don’t know him, Sloan.”

“No, Amaia.Youdon’t know him,” she countered. “You know what he’s allowed you to see. It’s what he does: he blends into his surroundings, and then he strikes when you least expect it. That’s what they all do at St. Cloud—pretend to be helpless, like they need support. That’s been their MO since the war; I doubt time has changed that.”

I could see that now, the feigning of helplessness Finley liked to put on. Knowing what I did now, that fact was clear as day. St. Cloud was the way it was because of the leadership they chose, not for any reason aside from that. Finley used the absence of resources for her benefit, to make people rely on her. They were far from a helpless crowd of people. Men like Alexiares didn’t come from the helpless; they came from lions pretending to be sheep.

It wasn’t my place to convince her what type of man I laid with, nor was it her place to press how I’d gone from one end of the spectrum to the next. Sloan only knew a small part of the woman I was now. I couldn’t help but be a bit guarded over him, because if Sloan hated Alexiares, then she’d probably hate me too. She could add herself to the list of people to hate for she was no better than either of us. She just didn’t realize it yet.

War gives you few options, being in charge during times of conflict presents one with even fewer.How could you?quickly becomes,What if I did?which only gives way to,What have I become?

“I understand where you’re coming from,” I offered a small token of acknowledgment. For that’s all I could do. One day, she would understand. “I respect it, it’s a fair assessment. Alexiares has had a rough life and led one that is certainly … questionable. But I don’t question who he is now, the person he wants to be. I’ve done things too, Sloan, things you’d probably disown me over. Nobody is perfect in this life anymore, it’s just not possible if you want to get things done. The only difference is what side you play for. He’s played the wrong side, admitted to being lost. He owns that. Now he wants to play for the right side, and when history has its eyes on you, that is all you can ask for.”

Sloan scoffed, “How many scars are you going to justify just because you love the man holding the knife? If everyone forgave as easily as you did, there would be no line between good and evil.”

“Being against evil doesn’t make any of us good, Sloan, it just makes us human.”

“You always did see the good in people, my friend,” she said, moving to grab hold of my hand. “I love that about you, but I’ve always been able to see the truth.”

I leaned my head against her shoulder, taking in possibly the last moment of comfort from an old friend. “I know, Sloan, and that’s why it pains me to have to leave you here on your own. I want you to come with us.”

“Me too,” she echoed.

“Then come,” I insisted. “After this is all over, you, your mom, Violet, you’ll always have a home out in Monterey.”

“Not all of us are destined to survive this, Maia, I think you know that,” Sloan said with such definitiveness that I was afraid to ask where the confidence in that statement came from.Whoit had come from.

“Don’t speak that way.”

Her head rested atop mine, fiery hair blurring my vision already filled with tears. “I really do thank you. You’ve given a lot, and I know I don’t show my gratitude as much as I should, but I’m incredibly thankful to have had a friend like you in this life.”

“My offer will always stand—when this is over, I’ll send someone out to Duluth, and I’m going to bring you home.” I prayed it would come true, but the truth was I didn’t even know if I would be there to greet her if she came.

“I’ll be waiting.”

Amaia

Rain pebbled against the large center window in Sloan’s study. My family gathered around her desk, a map of what had once been the continental United States spread across with smaller ones of individual territories on the side.

Sloan moved one of the chess pieces covering St. Cloud on the map, a Black Rook. “If we take Finley out, what are the chances we can get St. Cloud on our side?” she asked, eyes boring into Alexiares’ soul.

“Don’t know why you’re staring at me. I’m not the one with the visions,” Alexiares replied, voice sharp.

Moe interjected, sparing us all the back and forth. “Because it’s going to come down to you.”

“What do you want me to say?” he asked, annoyance lingering in his tone. “It’s not like I can go up there and takeover myself. They don’t trust me and even if they did, I don’t consider any of them worth my time.”

“It’s not about where you would be happy to live at, let me be that friendly reminder for you,” Sloan said, knocking the chess piece over in emphasis of her point.

Alexiares’ patience was wearing thin today. We’d only recovered from infection mere hours before. “You sure you want me in charge, Sloan? If I did, the first place I’d set on the path of destruction is here.”

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