Page 85 of Echoes of War

Still, Amaia said nothing. Her eyes told another warring story. There was something there, something she wanted to tell me but couldn’t. Somehow, that made things worse. Made me feel even more left out from what I thought I had finally found.

A mocking laugh forced its way from my lips. “Got it.”

“Everything is under control,” she said gently, trying to cover her tracks. “You don’t need to worry either.”

“Don’t need to worry? If we’re a team, we need to act like a team. All of us, not everyonebutme.”

There was sadness in her dark brown eyes. “It’s not like that …”

“Not like what? Like all of you are a family and I’m just the new guy?” My voice broke against my will and I pushed myself away from her.

She didn’t need to see me this way.Would she still like me if I let weakness show? Why did she have to be so difficult all the damn time?

“Yeah, Alexiares.” Her words were barely a whisper. “Maybe you shouldn’t be a part of this family. Maybe none of you should want to be a family with me. Matter fact, you should all let me do this all on my own. I work better that way anyway. Somehow everyone connected to me ends up hurt or dead. You’re all just biding your time.”

“Unbelievable,” I sneered. “Open your fucking eyes, Amaia. Look around you! You have people helping you on all sides, evenwhen they’re mad at you or can’t stand to be in the same space as you. Stop playing the fucking victim. It’s getting old.”

Her composure shattered like fragile glass. The calm facade she tried hard to put on cracked, leaving nothing but the molten anger churning beneath. Flames, fierce and unrestrained, surged to life along the edges of her skin, dancing and flickering menacingly.

My hand darted to her bag next to the door, snatching the contents out before she could muster a response. Since we were making people vulnerable … It took no more than two half-hazard movements for my fingers to graze on exactly what I was searching for. I knew it was there without having seen her place it.

A bottle of liquor. Untouched, the cap was securely in place, but that meant nothing when it came to her. Her flames doused. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Amaia’s hand near the dagger at her hip.

“You’re going to stab me because you’re caught making poor choices? You thought I wouldn’t notice? Wouldn’t smell it on you the second you took a sip? We share a bed for fuck’s sake.” I closed in on her, pressing her back to the door. The liquid inside the bottle splashed around the inside as I forced the bottle in her face.

What the hell were we even doing this for? I couldn’t even remember how this all began. This had to stop. I needed to stop, but all the emotions I felt … I didn’t even know what to do with them at this point. Anger was familiar to me. I was comfortable with it. But this, seeing this bottle in her bag, it was the ultimate betrayal, completely disregarding the words of disowning that just came out her mouth.

This felt like … heartbreak, maybe? When I left St. Cloud, it wasn’t from heartbreak. Sure, Finley had been the main cause of my departure, but mostly because of the disgust over what I’d become. And anger, that had been a main motivator.

Amaia glared at me. “How many times are you going to say the wordfuckto make your point?”

“As many as it takes to get through your thick, fucking head that this”—I shook the bottle wildly, the sloshing of it ringing through the room—“is not more important than the people around you. The people that are counting on you, that need you. That want you. I want you. I want to be a part of whatever you’re a part of. Your family, your team. I just want you, Amaia. I want all of you, and I want you to trust me. And I want this to stop being a crutch you fall back on when things get hard.” I let it drop to the floor, shattering into sharp fragments, the liquor seeping out into a puddle.

She lunged out, trying to catch it, but it was too late. “No … No. That wasn’t for you to do! I wasn’t going to drink it. It was just in case?—”

“In case what?”

“In case I end up alone,” she whimpered.

Mortified with a tinge of guilt, I watched on as she wiped her hands through it, bringing it to her lips. “Look at me, Alexiares,” Amaia cried. “Why would you want to be a part of anything I play a role in? I couldn’t even protect you. I couldn’t stop Finley from hurting you again. The most powerful woman in this wasteland right now, and I couldn’t even keep your property safe. How the hell am I supposed to protect my family?”

I didn’t need her protection. We were a team. Teammates look out for each other. She had once told me that she didn’t want a savior or a protector, and I thought she understood the same for me. What happened today with Finley, that monstrous bitch, was not on the woman standing before me who owned my heart.

Kneeling on the ground, I grabbed her hands, holding them into my palm and rubbing them gently. “This isn’t about me.”

“Isn’t it?”

I dropped her hands, frustrated, choking out a humorless laugh. “About me? No, Amaia, it’s about you. It’s always been about you.”

She hopped up, the woman warrior I had learned to admire, and glared back at me. Amaia’s hands found both my shoulders with a hard shove. I fell onto my back, the sticky liquid beneath me seeping into my clothes, sharp glass poking into my skin. She wailed on me, coming to a rest on top of my legs, pinning me to the ground. I stopped counting the slaps when I realized they didn’t hurt. They were barely a whisper against my skin.

If she wanted to hurt me, she was fully capable. Part of me thought she didn’t even realize what she was doing. She needed this just as much as I needed to destroy the ashes of my only prized possession hours ago, so I let her.

“Come on! Swing, I know you want to!”

I stared at her, covered in blood and gore, but at that moment I wanted nothing more than to swoop her up and kiss her. In her fitful rage, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. Amaia spent all her damn time making sure that everyone around her was built up to their fullest potential but never stopped to give herself any credit when it was due.

There was no fighting back for me. I would never do anything to hurt her, not ever again. I would do the opposite, actually. For the rest of my life, I’d do everything in my power to ensure that nothing would ever break her again.

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