Page 72 of Ashes of Honor

I waited, watching as she leaned forward, eyes narrowing. Her brows pinched together. “Jaxon’s godmother? Jax never played until he met me. I thought you made this.”

“I did,” I said simply.

“Then wh—” Recognition set in. “Oh my … oh my fuck. Oh my fuck. You’re joking?”

“You do realize who you’re talking to, right?”

The speed with which she got up and leaped over the table to my couch was faster than the amount of time it took me to blink. She jumped onto the cushions in a childlike fashion, her hands clapping in uncharacteristic glee, then fell over her mouth to compress her screams. I rose to my feet, and she forced me into a hug that Reina would kill for the opportunity to give. Her energy lifted, genuine happiness making her glow.

“A baby!” she said after she pulled away. “Riley Sullivan, leave it to you to try to start a family in the middle of a goddamn war.”

“No time like anytime.” I let my smile free, enjoying this moment, just us. Amaia was my family and this … this is how I imagined moments went in a normal household, the kind I’d dreamed of having in The Before.

“Shit. I’m beyond happy for you, Ril. Wait … Godmother. Me?”

“You.” I placed both hands firmly on her shoulders, leaning down slightly to make sure she caught every ounce of sincerity in my gaze.

“That’s a big role,” she muttered, hopping off the couch as though the weight of it had physically propelled her to move. Her fingers tangled in her curls, a nervous habit that always seemed to surface when she was overwhelmed.

“No bigger than that of a general.”

“Jaxon?” A happy tear fell down her cheek. She was quick to wipe it away with a sniffle. “As in Jax?”

I nodded. “Jaxon Abdul Sullivan. After Jax and Mohammed. We cheated a little bit. Had Abel peek into the day of his birth.”

“Wow,” she shook her head in disbelief, moving to pace in front of the fireplace. “How do you feel?”

“Scared out of my mind,” I said. Might as well be honest. If I were going to confess it to anyone, there was no one else who’d make it easier than her. I didn’t want to burden Yasmin with such doubts.

“What? You? Scared? Psh.”

“Maia, I could really screw this kid up. You have no idea. Look how things with Elie turned out, and I was only responsible for her for 50 percent of the time.”

“That’s not fair. Don’t do that to yourself,” she said with a quick wave of her hand. “And, honestly, I’m not sure I’m the one to be dishing out advice. Given that I’m in the same boat. But this? It’s different. Some of us aren’t meant to be parents. That ‘some’ does not include you. Come on, what’s the worst that could happen? Let me hear it.”

I exhaled sharply, dragging a hand over my face. “The worst? That I bring a kid into this world just to bury them. That I can’t keep him or Yasmin safe. It’s hard enough trying to survive, let alone trying to build somethingworthsurviving for. What happens if I screw this up? I’m already stretched thin. The Compound, the war that will last until God knows when. Then the war that comes after that war … it’s all balancing on a knife’sedge. What if there’s no room for a family in all of that? What if he grows up to resent me?”

Amaia’s jaw dropped slightly before snapping shut. She crossed her arms, her voice deliberate and firm. “Then fuck The Compound.”

“What?”

“You heard me.” She took a step closer, eyes burning, that familiar intensity returning to them. “If it ever came down to your family or The Compound, the choice is simple. The choice is the same. But you put them first. You do what you need to in order to make it back to them because you surviving is how they will survive. Jaxon’s not gonna grow up resenting you because you made a choice to give him a chance to live. If anything, that’s the most honorable damn thing you could do.”

Amaia had a way of simplifying the impossible. “Where does that leave you? The others?” I asked, voice thick with guilt. It was hard, but not impossible, to envision a world where she didn’t come first—where this family did not.

“Who cares?” Amaia stepped forward and hugged me tightly, her face resting against my chest. “I love you. You’re going to be the most amazing dad. You were made for this shit. And I seriously doubt Jaxon will grow up to hate his hero.”

“I don’t know what the future here looks like, and that’s pretty terrifying, but with Yasmin, with you and Abel … it’ll all be all right.”

For a moment, Amaia’s expression shifted—something unspoken flickered in her eyes, distant and strange. But she shook it off quickly, her trademark smirk returning as she gave my shoulder a playful shove. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Make sure you name the next one after me.”

Alexiares

None of the girls waited.

Without the extra weight, I made my way to Fresno. Three days of pushing it to the max and I was exhausted. Suckerpunch too. He’d even ditched the stupid squid a day and a half back. I kept it in my pack. Would serve as a nice little reward for when this job was done.

I shoved my hands into my pockets, tossing a nod at the man-child manning the gates. He appeared to be about eighteen or nineteen. Fuck if I knew why they put him in charge, but it was to my advantage, so oh well. There was no reason to stop me and that had converged into a pretty simple plan for getting in:walking through the front door. Pretend that I belonged because I did. As far as Fresno was concerned, Monterey Compound remained oblivious to their betrayal. Covert troops weren’t wandering about in an obvious way like they did at San Jose.

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