Page 8 of Ashes of Honor

Now I finally knew what she’d been scribbling in her stupid little notebook day in and day out. Something of a memoir with a sprinkle of journaling, finishing off with a goodbye note addressed to yours truly. It also explained why she’d warned me all further communications would come from Elliot, as he would be ‘stepping into a new role.’

She knew. She knew for more than half our stay, and Abel did too.

“She … she wouldn’t let me say anything.”

“Is that where your loyalties are, Abel? Duluth? To … her?” Sloan’s name refused to pass through my lips. Weeks. I had gone weeks—months—without knowing that she was dead. Had been dead not too long after I left, thanks to Covert fucking Province.

Her small notebook was sewn into the bottom of my pack. It wasn’t until I unpacked that last thing from our journey that I’d discovered it. Between the move to Prescott’s space and everything else going on, making this place home and putting things away wasn’t a priority.

By the time you finish reading this, I’ll be dead. This is goodbye, Mai. Forever this time. Take care of them. I love you.

Damning words.I love you.I mocked as I reread the final sentences on the last page.

“No. I’m loyal to you. To Monterey. After all these years, I never forgot this place. The home you and Riley offered. The love …” Abel sighed, the guilt lining the youth of his face unnatural. A small part of me almost pitied him. “It’s why I made the call to follow one final order from her. If you knew she was going to die, you would have never left. Then all the work we’d done up there would’ve been for nothing. And Salem would’ve been gone.You’re the glue, Amaia. We need you, so I made a tough call. The same call you probably woulda made had you been removed from the center of the situation. I’m not sorry about it.”

I’m not sorry. I chirped a laugh. At times, it was hard to tell the influence Riley had on him. Where Riley was serious and dry in his humor, Abel was consistently playful—his energy justfun. But he had this switch that, if turned on, activated a soldier.

He had done his duty. I could not blame him for that. His ability toseewas a gift for a reason. He’d used his power of discernment and Sloan had given her life to secure the safety of her people for another day. They were still standing because of her sacrifice.

Abel was right. Sloan had done what I would have done if placed in her position. What any true leader would do.

That meant my time in Duluth was effective, a mission completed. But did that make any of it worth it? First Prescott, then her. If I let my thoughts wander too far at night, I thought about how it cost me Seth, too.

Worth it? Maybe. Sure. But would I let it play out the same way all over again knowing the outcome? I wasn’t quite sure about that.

Sometimes all I wanted to wish for was a chance to be selfish.

“With Elliot in charge, things should be okay for a while. Until we get a chance?—”

“A chance?” I cackled, “A chance for what?”

“For whatever you’re planning. For it to work.”

I scoffed. Abel didn’t flinch.

Don’t blame Abel. Please understand that this choice that I made wasn’t an easy one, but I couldn’t let ya choose. You would have chosen me, and that, my darling friend, would have changedhistory. We needed you to get back in time to defend Monterey. To make that deal with my uncle. I know you’re tired of losin’ people and I’m sorry.

I tore the page out of the book and crumbled it. A flame summoned in my hand as I engulfed the paper in fire and tossed it into the metal trash bin. My mind shifted back to the story Sloan had told her daughter Violet. The one she’d written down for me to share with her one day. As if she thought it was guaranteed.

The story of the warrior queen who saved the princess. Who offered the princess a kingdom to grow, to be free. To call home. The queen made sure no other damsel would ever be in distress because the queen did not want anyone to ever experience an ounce of the pain that she had. Who wanted better for others and dreamed too much.

It wasn’t a fairytale. It was the Grimm Brothers. A story much like the fat tome we pulled out every spooky season, promising to share with our future children.

“Want to hear something funny?” I asked absentmindedly, staring off out the window as workers passed by preparing for the afternoon shift. Abel said nothing, only tilted his head in curiosity. “I have no plan, Abel.”

It wasn’t true. I had one plan. A last ditch effort if all else failed. A plan ‘z’ that had no ‘a’ to start with. But that plan didn’t involve him or any of the rest of them. It only involved me.

“See, that’s not …” He hesitated, searching my face. “I know you’re not used to it, but jokes are supposed to be funny.”

“You don’t see me laughing?”

I held his gaze, unblinking. He was the first to look away. Pushing away from the desk, I took a deep inhale, an effort to stabilize myself before losing control. The door splintered as Ithrew it open, the crack of wood ringing behind me as I made my way toward The Pit.

“My turn.”I hopped into The Ring, Alexiares and Riley already drenched in sweat. I scanned Riley over. Everything about him said he’d been here all day. “Move.”

He stumbled back a few steps at my push, then stopped, taking me in and moved his gaze toward Abel. Abel frowned, his eyes on the ground as Riley shifted his attention to Alexiares, who only shrugged. The two of them peered between Abel and I.

Riley sighed. “What did you do?”

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