Page 100 of Play Dirty

“How would we have a future if I somehow cost him the custody of his kids? No matter what he says now, he would resent me. And that would eventually break me all over again.”

She sighs.

Because it’s true.

“Even so, why move back to New York?”

“Lots of work here. My agent is here. And frankly, I couldn’t be around you guys now. How would that work? My two best girlfriends are involved with his teammates. We’d run into each other and that would be too hard. For me, at least.”

There’s resignation in her eyes as she nods. “I suppose there’s that. I’m really going to miss having you at the gallery.”

“I’m going to miss a lot of things about my life in L.A.,” I admit. “Especially my convertible.” My car is the one thing I splurged on when I moved there. “No place for that in Manhattan.”

“Don’t make any rushed decisions,” she says softly. “Maybe just hang out there until after the trial. Once that’s over you may want to make a clean break.”

I nod. “Yeah, I thought of that. I’ve always wanted to live in Paris, so that’s on the table too.”

She looks like she wants to protest but she just nods instead. “I understand.”

I don’t think she does.

How can she?

I don’t even understand this need to run.

If I could figure out what I’m running from, it would be easier.

It’s not Marty.

It’s not the life I’ve built in L.A.

Deep down, I know I’m running from myself, but I don’t know what else to do. Or how else to protect the man I love. He needs me to be the strong one—he can’t choose between me and his kids.

So I chose for him.

And despite what I told Saylor, I’m pretty sure I’m already starting to break again.

* * *

My hotel suite is quiet.

Almost too quiet.

So much so I can’t stay there for long.

I’m meeting Saylor tomorrow to go with her to visit the artists she has appointments with, but beyond that, I have no plans. I have friends but I suddenly don’t feel like calling anyone. I’m lonelier than I’ve been in a long time and I can’t even be angry because I did it to myself.

Well, I did it for Marty.

He must be so hurt.

Maybe a little mad.

And he must be lonely too.

I itch to call him, so much it’s almost painful, but I can’t.

It’s better if I don’t.

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