Page 107 of Play Dirty

“So soon?” I ask in dismay.

“Damien’s lawyer has been bitching about getting a timely trial, and I got the notice today.”

“I’m working in Paris for the foreseeable future,” I say, “but I’ll make sure to be back in time.”

“Good. Make sure you give us a couple of days because the prosecutor is going to need to prep you. You know his lawyer is going to go at you hard, to make you look like the bad guy.”

“What else is new?” I mutter. “I’m always the fucking bad guy.”

“But you’re not, Stevie. You know that. You didn’t deserve what he did or what happened.”

“Maybe not, but if there’s a way to spin it to look like I did, he’ll try.”

“That’s why you have me.”

The ever-present loneliness creeps in after we disconnect.

Saylor will meet me in New York for the trial if I ask her to, and Chey and Ivan are both witnesses so they have to be there, but it’s hard to describe how alone I’ve felt since ending things with Marty. We weren’t together long—didn’t even use the word love yet—so it shouldn’t be this hard to get over him. But it’s been more than hard… it’s beenimpossible.

The nightmares have become less frequent but that’s probably because I don’t sleep worth a damn. I got used to having him beside me…his warmth, his touch, his soft deep voice telling me everything is okay. Now I mostly toss and turn all night. If I have a chance, I nap in the afternoon, but it’s been so much more difficult to move on than I would have guessed.

All I can do now is put one foot in front of the other and pray I’ve done the right thing—for both of us.

* * *

I’ve just gottenhome from a late dinner with Madame Bertrand when I get a text from Chey.

CHEY: He lost, Stevie.

I stare at the phone for a beat and then immediately call her.

“What happened?” I demand.

She sounds dejected. “The judge ruled that though both sides have a point, she can’t see removing the children from their mother to give them to their father full-time when he’s not home nine months of the year.”

“Oh no.” Tears inexplicably fill my eyes. “He must be devastated.”

“So devastated. We just left the courthouse and he went straight to the arena since tonight is the first night of the season, but he’s…I’ve never seen him like this.”

“Fuck.”

“The good news, at least, is that although Brenna has physical custody, they have shared custody so he’ll pay some child support, but no alimony, and he can see the kids whenever he wants. Every other holiday, shit like that, and two months in the off-season. He takes care of their health insurance, but he doesn’t have to pay for private school. If Brenna wants that, she and Phil have to pay for it.”

“I guess that’s something,” I mutter.

I can’t believe he lost.

I sacrificed so much—all for nothing.

And now I don’t imagine he’ll ever forgive me.

“He needs you, Stevie.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure that ship has sailed.”

“I don’t think so.”

“I’m working, Chey. I can’t just leave. And Damien’s trial is coming up.”

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