Page 11 of Play Dirty

“Not until October.”

“Until then?”

“Brenna has full custody, but I have them for another month or so. Then I drop them off in Tennessee and get ready for hockey season.”

“What has to happen for the judge to rule in your favor?” Canyon asks.

I sigh. “I have to have a nanny and show that I can take care of them when I’m working.”

There’s an awkward silence at the table.

“But how will you do that?” Connor asks, saying what the others obviously weren’t comfortable verbalizing.

“I don’t know,” I admit. “I can hire two nannies, so I always have coverage. Martin starts school full-time next month, Emma’s already in half-day preschool and she can do daycare for the other half. And Bradley will be two next year, so he can start preschool as well. I mean, nothing is perfect, but I’m not letting my kids move to Tennessee.”

“Is there an alternative?” Saylor asks.

“The alternative is Brenna staying here and we share custody. But she can’t be with Phil if she does that and apparently, they want to be together.” I almost roll my eyes but manage to refrain.

“What’s best for the kids?” Connor asks.

“To have both parents in their lives,” I respond. “But she doesn’t want to stay, and I refuse to let her take them that far. I literally will never see them from September to at least April. Longer if we make the playoffs. Holidays, birthdays… I’ll miss everything.”

“Can they force her to bring them to you?”

“They can, but it’s just going to foster resentment and negativity. The kids may not notice yet, but Martin already is starting to show signs of Brenna’s negative influence, so I can’t imagine what it will be like if the judge forces her to bring them back and forth to me regularly.”

“I don’t envy you,” Saylor says quietly.

“Yeah, I don’t envy myself either.” I take a bite of a roast beef slider that’s delicious.

“Maybe it would be easier if you let Brenna have the kids,” Connor says. “I know that’s not what you want but?—”

“No.” I shake my head as I cut him off. “I know it’s hard to understand when you don’t have them, but they’re part of you. It’s hard to explain how much you’re going to love your future children.”

Connor grins. “Yeah, I guess that’s just not on my radar yet.”

“Nor should it be,” Canyon says firmly. “You have lots of time.”

“No babies in my five-year plan,” Effie says, giggling.

“Mine either.” Connor slips his arm around the back of her chair and gazes down at her adoringly.

I remember being in love like that.

What I don’t remember is when I stopped.

Had it happened so gradually I didn’t even notice?

Had I somehow failed Brenna as a husband and partner?

She said some hateful things at the end, when I caught her sending nude photos to Philippe, about how I forced her to have kids and how I manipulated her into giving up all her dreams to follow mine.

I don’t remember it that way.

I remember passion and presents and dreaming about the future.

Then, right when I thought we had it all, she ripped it away from me.

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