Page 116 of Play Dirty

“Breathe,” Lorna whispers. “You’resafe.”

I don’t fucking feel safe.

The need to run is almost overwhelming, but I know Rage and Grim are right behind me.

I’m safe.

Damien cannot hurt me.

I have to keep telling myself that.

My hands feel icy and it’s hard to concentrate as Damien takes his seat and the attorneys make their opening statements. Madeline whispers something to Lorna, who nods and jots something down on her notepad. I honestly don’t even care. All I can do at this point is focus on breathing.

In.

Out.

Slow.

Steady.

I avert my gaze so Damien isn’t even in my peripheral vision, trying to keep my nerves as steady as possible.

His lawyer is smarmy-looking too, with slicked-back hair and beady eyes.

Gross.

His opening statement is even grosser.

A long, rambling diatribe about a man pushed to his limits by a wild, out-of-control girlfriend who was always partying, drunk, and asking for money. How when he discovered the pregnancy test in the trash—and the hidden packed suitcase in the closet—he knew she was going to kill his child. He was driven to protect his child, even though it ultimately hurt the mother.

Temporary insanity.

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

I look to the prosecutor in horror but she appears totally calm, not even a little bit impacted by his speech.

The prosecutor’s speech is far more believable, talking about how she would show a history of emotional, verbal and even physical abuse that became more intense and more frequent as time went on. How there are multiple witnesses who observed his abusive behavior in person. How I was the one afraid for my life as I tried to escape his ongoing mistreatment and attempts at isolation.

It sounds good but I can tell that the jury doesn’t look convinced.

Instead of looking at him suspiciously, they’re looking at me.

I shiver even though it’s not cold in the room.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and glance back, giving a small, grateful smile to Madame Bertrand.

Today already feels endless, and I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.

The first witness is a guy I literally have no recollection ever meeting. Supposedly, he worked with Damien. He talks about a company dinner where I got drunk and embarrassed Damien.

“I swear to you, that never happened,” I whisper to Lorna.

“It’s okay. They’ve got this.”

Madeline is also scribbling on her pad and she passes a note to Lorna, who smiles.

The next guy is Damien’s best friend, Jim. The same guy he desperately wanted to walk with Chey at our wedding party. Damien had been determined to set them up, and I’d gone along with it at first because Chey was single. Then she met Ivan and things got complicated, both for me and for her.

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