Page 34 of Play Dirty

That’s the most accurate description I can come up with, and while it might make him feel bad if I said it out loud, it’s the world’s biggest compliment coming from me. I don’t feel safe with many people anymore, especially men.

We talk all through dinner and as we share an order of fried ice cream.

“I’d forgotten how good this is,” I admit.

“That’s one of the great things about having kids,” he says. “They never let you forget about delicious stuff, like funnel cake and pizza. Though, to be fair, I couldn’t live without pizza once in a while.”

“Before I lost all the weight, it had been five years since I’d had a slice of pizza,” I say quietly.

“I want to say it’s not worth it,” he says after a moment, “but I understand about sacrifices you make for your career. When there’s a lot of money at stake, we do what we have to do.”

“Exactly.”

That’s another thing about Marty—he gets it. He getsme. To the degree that I let him. We haven’t talked about the serious stuff, and honestly, I don’t want to. I don’t want to tell him that I’ll never have children of my own, or the details of how I’ve allowed myself to be abused over the years. Damien was the worst but he wasn’t the only. And I’m deeply ashamed about that.

“You want to go for a drive?” he asks when we leave the restaurant.

“Yes.” I move closer to him as we walk. This may or may not be a date, but I like being with him. I really like being close to him. Nothing can come of it, but I can enjoy the time we have.

We get into his SUV, and he heads for the Hollywood Hills.

“There’s a great lookout,” I say when he turns onto Laurel Canyon.

“There are a few.”

“Do you have a preference?”

“Surprise me.”

“Okay.” He drives to an area I’m not familiar with, and I smile when he pulls over. This isn’t actually an overlook—it’s a spot with a shoulder wide enough to park on that has a fantastic view of the city.

And it’s absolutely perfect.

“Oh, this is nice,” I say, getting out of the car just as my phone rings. “Oh, it’s my agent. Let me take this… Hi, Bev.”

“You got the music video!” she says happily. “Li’l Barracuda wants you to be his girl in the video. So there will be kissing and such.” She pauses. “You okay with that?” She knows what happened, so we discuss everything when it comes to work.

“Yes,” I respond quietly. “I’ll be fine. Thank you.”

“I’ll email you the details, but they’re shooting Thursday and Friday evening—you’re available, yes?”

“Of course. Whatever they need. Thanks, Bev.” I disconnect and then stare off at nothing.

“You okay?” Marty asks, standing beside me, his eyes filled with concern.

“I got that music video I told you about.”

“That’s great.” He pauses. “Isn’t it?”

“It is. It’s just…” I let my voice trail because I’m not sure how to explain what I’m feeling.

“Just what?”

I turn to him. “I’m going to have to…kiss himand stuff.”

“Right. But it’s acting, isn’t it?” He looks a bit confused.

“Well, yes, but the kissing is real.”

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