Page 44 of Play Dirty

Not constantly, but on and off until nearly six in the morning.

The cool thing is, she never loses focus, never loses her cool, and never loses the edge that makes her one of the top models in the world. When the shot isn’t right, she easily adjusts to a new position, new angle, new whatever it takes to get it. While the other girls start looking a little tired and ragged, Stevie is as elegant and beautiful as she was at the beginning.

I’m completely fascinated, not just by her work ethic, but by the public face she puts on, because it’s nothing like the soft, slightly guarded woman I’ve been getting to know. Obviously, we all behave a bit differently at work. I’m not a hard-hitting tough guy off the ice either, so I get it. But I’ve never been so close to something like this as a spectator.

L’il Barracuda, the director, and a few other people thank Stevie repeatedly when they’re finished, and finally, she’s ready to leave.

“I’m beat,” Stevie says to me as we walk toward the exit.

“Do you want me to take you home?” I ask, since I know she always has a driver for things like this.

“Isn’t it out of your way?” she asks quietly.

I shrug. “It’s all right. It means I get to spend a little more time with you.”

She’s quiet for what feels like a long time but then she nods. “All right. Let me tell my driver he can go.”

“Sure.” We make our way out to where I parked on the street what feels like days ago, and she slides against the leather seats.

“Oh, I’m more tired than I thought. I’m going to have a lovely nap.”

“Just a nap?” I ask.

“I don’t want to sleep all day and then be up all night again. I’ll sleep four hours or so, and then get up, muddle through the day and crash tonight at a reasonable time.”

“That makes sense.”

“What about you? I’m guessing there won’t be any rest for you.”

“No. The kids will be all over me the minute I walk in the door. I don’t think I’ll even manage a nap.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry—it was cool hanging out with you, watching you do what you do.”

“Was it?” She sounds surprised.

“Stevie, look… despite the fact that we’ve kept things casual, I like you. You’re beautiful, sweet, interesting—and watching you work is fascinating to me. It’s nothing like hockey, so yeah, it was pretty cool.”

“I’m glad you had fun.”

“I always have fun with you.”

She sighs. It’s a soft, barely imperceptible sound, but I hear it.

“What?” I ask. “What was that little sigh?”

“I’m in no condition to date anyone,” she says slowly. “And frankly, neither are you. Technically, you’re still married and?—”

“I’m all but divorced,” I interrupt. “The only thing holding us up is the custody battle. Everything else is done. And I’m legally separated.”

“I don’t mean to say that you’re doing anything wrong,” she says quickly. “Just that you’re still in the middle of that and I’m… well, I’m a mess. What you see on the outside is nothing like that chaos that goes on inside. You saw what happened at the haunted house.”

“Is that supposed to scare me off?” I ask. “Because we all have our demons. My knee-jerk reaction when I walked into the club tonight and saw you making out with Barracuda wasjealousy. Not because I have any right, not because I didn’t know that was supposed to happen, but because I’m still suffering too. Because my wife was fucking one of my teammates. Myfriend. And even though you and I are just friends, that was my reaction… so you don’t have the monopoly on trauma.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” She reaches for my hand. “I just don’t know that I’m ready. Or that I’m the woman you need.”

“I can’t speak to whether or not you’re ready, only you can make that decision, but as far as being the woman I need—I have no idea what kind of woman that is. Because I thought I already had her. I thought I married her and started a family with her. Turns out, I was completely wrong.”

---