Page 61 of Play Dirty

Unless I get custody and waive child support.

I don’t know if Brenna will go for it—she’s been adamant that she’ll fight me for full custody, but that doesn’t sit well with me.

Her main complaint when our marriage fell apart was that I left her behind with three kids while I lived my life and followed my dreams. How will her life with Phil be any different if she has the kids full-time? I don’t have to like the guy, but he’s a talented hockey player and he’s only twenty-nine, so he has plenty of playing time left. His schedule playing for Tennessee will essentially be the same as mine here in L.A., so I’m not sure how anything will change for Brenna.

I don’t believe for a minute that Phil will be more helpful than I was with the kids when he’s home, so I feel like something else is going on.

“You think she’s holding out for money?” Gabe asks when I tell my friends my thoughts as we’re golfing. I’m with Gabe, Connor, and Chandler, our backup goalie, on the golf course today. It’s been a while since we hung out so we’re playing eighteen holes at a local country club.

“I don’t know what she’s doing,” I admit, “but I also don’t know what I’m going to do. We don’t get in front of the judge until after school starts, which is a huge hassle for poor Martin. He’s starting Kindergarten and I hate that he may have to change schools a month into the new school year.”

“Brenna sucks,” Chandler says, shaking his head. “Especially if this is some kind of money grab.”

“She sucked when she cheated too,” Connor grunts.

“She probably sucked a lot of things,” Chandler adds, and the two of them crack up.

Normally, I would never let them talk about my wife that way but she gave up the right to my protection—and respect—when she cheated on me.

“Don’t ever talk like that in front of the kids,” is all I say.

Connor scowls. “Dude. I’m a little immature but I’m not an idiot.”

“I just don’t need anything getting out that could in any way impact the custody hearing. I don’t talk shit about her, I don’t talk shit about Philippe, and I focus on the kids.”

“Hey, it’s just us here,” Chandler says quietly. “You know we’d never jam you up with the kids or the divorce.”

“I know. I’m just fucking…scared.” It’s hard to admit that out loud.

But I just did.

“I don’t want to lose my kids,” I continue quietly. “I definitely don’t want that asshole raising them. I don’t want them living in Tennessee where I can only see them every few months, if that. They’re my kids, dammit.”

“I get it.” Gabe nods. “My ex is raising my daughter in Wisconsin, and it’s tough being away from her, but our situation was different since we divorced when Brandy was a year old. She never knew us together and her mom and I were never really a couple—I married her because it was the right thing to do. And when it didn’t work out, we found a way to co-parent. I’m guessing it’s a lot different when you’re married and in love.”

“Sometimes I wonder about that,” I mutter. “About whether or not she ever loved me. I think she was more in love with the idea of me. The pro athlete who wanted to take care of her, make babies with her…” I shake my head, suddenly a bit disgusted with myself. “I was so fucking naïve.”

“Loving someone and wanting to create a future with them isn’t naïve,” Gabe says gently. “You were both young. Maybe there’s no right, wrong, good or bad—there’s just maturing, changing, and in your case, growing apart.”

“Except for the part where she fucked one of his teammates,” Chandler says drolly.

“Okay, yeah.” Gabe nods. “That was wrong and bad. But I’m talking about the initial relationship. And the inevitable breakdown. Look at Harper and me—we were married, got divorced, and have now found our way back to each other. We were young and stupid. We definitely weren’t ready. I feel lucky that we managed to find each other again.”

“There’s no going back to Brenna,” I say firmly. “Especially not now.”

“Now?” Connor asks, arching a brow. “What’s changed now beyond the cheating and other fuckery?”

Shit.

I hadn’t meant to say that.

And there’s no way to back pedal.

Connor will die on this hill, getting to the bottom of my statement.

“I just mean that I’m beginning to see that there are better women out there. For me.” All three of them are staring at me and I can see the wheels turning.

“You’ve met someone?” Chandler asks slowly, squinting in the sun. “Really?”

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