Page 67 of Play Dirty

I could probably be more self-deprecating if I wanted to, but I figure that’s more than enough post-coital honesty.

“Are you done?” she asks after a moment.

Uh oh.

She sounds annoyed.

“Uh…yeah.”

“I already know all of that, and despite what I’ve been through, I’m not stupid. I understand you have children and are going through a messy divorce. But you seem to forget that I’m a hot mess too. My ex’s trial is coming up, probably in October or November, and I’m the star witness. I guarantee you I will be in nightmare, anxiety-attack hell, so any guy who’s involved with me is going to have to deal with that. Not to mention the fact that I can’t have children. From the outside looking in, I’m no prize either.”

This wasn’t the conversation I thought we’d be having after making love for the first time, but it’s obviously one we need to have.

“Do you not want to do this anymore?” I ask finally. “Is it better to walk away before either of us gets in too deep? My trauma has been emotional, and there are kids involved, but what you went through is a lot worse. I would never want to do anything that might dredge up the past or even keep you from moving on.”

She’s quiet for a beat but then shakes her head. “That’s just it, Marty—you make everything in my lifebetter. From little things like holding me after I’ve had a nightmare to inviting me into the fold and making me feel welcome with your family. That’s something I’ve never really had. And it’s huge to me.”

“Then you do want to do this.” I twist so I can look into her eyes.

“Did you really think I would say no?” she asks incredulously.

“I feel like a lot of people have taken advantage of you over the years, and I don’t want to be another one.”

“Are you planning to take advantage of me?”

“Never.”

“Then maybe we should stop overthinking everything. I’ve spent the last nine months or so going over every detail of my last two relationships—what I could have done better, what I did wrong, what I didn’t do at all, who’s really to blame... It’s enough to make me an insecure mess, and I don’t want to bring that baggage into our relationship. I’m trying so hard to start over, a clean slate… what about you?”

I hesitate.

A clean slate sounds amazing.

But it’s hard to do that with three innocent babies at home who desperately need their parents to work this custody bullshit out. No matter what I do, Brenna will always be their mother.

“There are some parts of my past that I’ll never be free of,” I say gently. “No matter how much I’d like it, Brenna will always be in my life because of the kids.”

“I know that. She’s their mom. I get it. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about us… our relationship. Whatever we decide to do, wherever this goes, I want a fresh start. You and me, starting something from scratch.”

“I can do that.” I use my fingers to tilt up her face to mine.

And I kiss her.

Until we’re both breathless and needy and I’m inside her again.

* * *

It’sanother hour before we’re showered, dressed, and ready to go downstairs to see Chey and Ivan. Stevie looks almost as gorgeous in shorts and a tank top as she does naked, and I snake out an arm to tug her into my chest, kissing her one more time.

“You look good enough to eat,” I murmur against her lips.

“I’m looking forward to that,” she whispers, gazing up at me.

I think I’m crazy about her.

“Hey, guys!” Ivan looks up from where he and Chey are putting away groceries when we get to the kitchen.

“Welcome home!” Stevie runs to hug Chey and Ivan shakes my hand, a twinkle in his eye.

---