Page 81 of Play Dirty

“I know that.”

“Let’s find our footing first, then we’ll get into the details.”

She looks up, like she wants to say something, but then she just nods and rests against me again. “Okay. Yes.”

Yes?

I feel like there’s a much bigger conversation we need to have, but neither of us seems anxious to have it.

Not now.

Not yet.

If I’m honest, I don’t want to scare her off.

And I’m afraid she’s already scared.

I just don’t know what she’s afraid of.

Chapter26

Stevie

The beginningof September marks a lot of changes for both Marty and me. My schedule is filling up more quickly than I anticipated, even though I told my agent not to overbook me. I’ve got back-to-back photo shoots in New York this week, and though Marty wanted to come, he’s started spending every day at the gym with some of his teammates and doesn’t want to break that up for a three-day turnaround in Manhattan. I’ll be working almost the whole time so there’s no point in him coming with me, but I start to miss him the moment the plane lands.

As soon as I’m in the limo the magazine sent to pick me up, I text him.

STEVIE: In the car heading for my hotel. I’m going to meet up with a photographer friend of mine for dinner and get to bed early. I have to be in the makeup chair at eight.

MARTY: Try to make a little time to have fun.

STEVIE: I will.

MARTY: I miss you, beautiful.

STEVIE: I miss you too.

MARTY: Call me before bed so I can hear your voice.

He’s really the sweetest.

STEVIE: I will.

I put my phone away and lean back in the leather seats. Being in New York is bittersweet for me because it’s a reminder of what happened. But it’s also the place where my career took off, where I bought my first home, and where a lot of my friends are. I haven’t kept in touch with many of them because I’ve been trying to let go of a lot of my past, but that’s not fair to them. They weren’t involved in what Damien did, so I shouldn’t take it out on them.

Part of me is embarrassed.

Almost everyone but me knew that Damien was trouble. They tried to warn me, and I ignored everyone, telling myself they were jealous. Looking back, I was such an idiot. There was nothing to be jealous of, but I was so wrapped up in the wedding. Paris. A couture gown. All the bells and whistles.

I cringe thinking about the money I wasted planning the wedding that wasn’t to be. I got a few deposits back, but most of it was a loss. Luckily, the designer who created my dress for me—Alexa Humboldt—is a good friend and she updated the design to make it slightly different and sold it to someone else. But the venue wouldn’t give me back the deposit, and the photographer only gave me half.

At the time, I wasn’t worried about it because I was in a deep depression after finding out I would never be able to have a baby. I’m still sad about that, but I’ve started to come out the other side between my therapist and the antidepressants I take.

And now Marty.

I smile just thinking about him.

We spend almost all of our time together, except when he’s at the gym or I have to be at the gallery or something work-related. We’re with Chey and Ivan a lot too, and double dating is fun. I’ve never really done that before. At least, not with a guy that my friends liked.

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